Ok before I start I know pronouns r REALLY important when it comes to gender Identity. So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'd react if someone got a pronoun wrong while I transition (still pre everything here) and im having mixed emotions. When it comes to family and friends I dont feel i'd care, not becoz I dont want to be seen as a girl, I really do, but becoz im called both pronouns already. My friends that r guys group me in with the girls and the girls consider me an "unofficial girl", so they treat me as such. It's bit difficult to explain, all through my life i've been treated like a girl for one reason or another, and it didnt phase me in the slightest, I felt happy about it. So for me being treated like a girl make me happy, feeling like a girl makes me ecstatic, and thinking about transitioning makes me feel over the moon. However when it comes to strangers I feel id be mortified if they figured out I am transgender and got pronouns wrong. My take on it is that i've been called both male and female pronouns for so long, whether jokingly, by accident or on purpose, that they've lost their "weight" to me. So wat is r u guys take on it? Am I strange to feel like this?
I agree with you. It is and should be important to trans folks that people get the pronoun right. As far as I understand, that's the goal, isn't it? You want to be a certain gender, and if a complete stranger sees through that and refers to you as something you aren't... well that'd feel pretty awful. So I'm completely on board with you. Definitely not strange to feel like that. A side note - Yes, I completely agree with you, but if a stranger unknowingly does it, I don't think it'd be okay to be angry with them. They're just making an innocent mistake. However, if they know and say it wrong to spite you, I think that's crazy rude of them.
Haha im not the type to get angry, more the type to kick myself for them figuring it out. Im more getting at the side that I wuldnt care wat pronouns my family and friends use, sure id prefer "she" "her" "girl" and "woman" but I dont feel id want to kick up a fuss if they got it wrong. But then I feel thats just not me personality wise, I hate creating problems over me.
To be honest I felt fairly similar at the start, I even told my grandmother I wouldn't make a fuss if it took her 10 years to get them right. That changed in about 3 months. Now it does hurt a little when someone in my family uses male pronouns for me. I don't get angry, but it does upset me. As for strangers, basically if they look at me and call me sir, they aren't worth the time of day. For crying out loud I don't care if I don't look 100% natural female but it is obvious that I'm trying, if you're still going to call me sir, I'm going to get annoyed. Likewise if they don't realise at the beginning and then later work it out and switch to sir, I am going to get ANGRY, because at that point it's insulting.
I usually just say something like, "it would make my day if you used she, her, and my real name". I find that works better than anything.
I think most people would want to be referred to by the correct pronouns, and trans folk especially so, considering they have to put even more work into being perceived as their gender (opposed to biological sex) than your average man or woman. And transgenders wouldn't have to live in fear of being "discovered" if society didn't treat them as side shows. Once I brought an acquaintance to meet a few of my transgender friends, and he got the pronouns all wrong, saying, "Sup, dude!" to the trans women and asking me who that "hot girl" was, about a pre-op trans guy. This was even after having a lengthy discussion on pronouns beforehand. Its the same with my parents, when they ask, "Okay... but what were they born as?" and will refer to the person as he (for MAABs) and she (for FAABs). So no, you're not strange.
I agree with Elliaotaku here. When I first started to come out as being transgender, I really didn't care too much about my family getting my pronouns right. I know that they will come around with time. Lately though, I've began to become really frustrated with them. It always makes me feel good when strangers get my pronouns right. If they get them wrong, I don't worry about it. They don't know my gender identity, so it's not my place to correct them on that. It stings sometimes, but it's not worth correcting them. Many women dress more masculine, so that makes it hard for people to tell if I am a masculine female or if I am male. I don't think that it is strange to feel like you do, because at one point, I felt the same way.
Like many here, I didn't care as much when I first came out. However, as time went by and I saw nothing was happening, and people were still calling me by female pronouns, I started to get really frustrated. I even had a breakdown before a teacher called me on it and made everyone remember that I was actually male. For strangers, I don't really care. They always seem to get me right anyway, as long as they don't get my legal name, that is.
I'm on board. I hate when people refer to me using female pronouns. At first, it didn't bother me so much, but now it makes me a bit upset, especially when it comes to people I've come out to. Strangers calling me by female pronouns gets me a little, but I'd rather get the "are you a girl or a boy" look and just have them not use any.
Being not out IRL I am constantly called with male pronouns, and every time it happens it feels like a part of my soul dies.
I'll know I'm doing it right when I get called "him" all of the time. It would make me happy to know that I'm just like the other guys. (Except more autistic.) I'm pre-everything. I wouldn't expect any other pronouns... But it still annoys me when people treat me differently or call me something feminine (besides [NAME REDACTED], the name I still go by despite its femininity). I would use the pronouns as an opportunity to see how well I'm doing.
For me, it's important that they try. If they don't acknowledge the fact that I'm female if I'm out as one, then they're not worth my time. If they're getting it wrong, but they are trying (because they've known you as a guy for so long) then yeah, it's totally cool if you miss a few. I mean, it's bound to hurt a little, but they're not intentionally trying to hurt you, so y'know.
Thanks everyone! I was kinda questioning myself becoz of how I felt abut this topic, but now I see its normal .
Yeah, in public I use pronouns to gauge how I'm passing. And what's funny is that a lot of the time, when I'd present male, people would avoid pronouns. I maybe had one instance where I was actually carded as male (at a Renaissance fair, which was my public "debut"), but it's rare that I'm carded as female. Campus is really the only time that's happened and that's been from people who either had to help me with computers/ID or when people refer to me after they've heard me speak. My family seems to be the only people who really emphasize the female pronouns. My mother especially. I can understand it'll take a while for it to catch on (my brother doesn't [yet- and this was actually my request] use my preferred pronouns or name but does seem like he considers me more of a brother than a sister). But it's kind of funny how whenever my mother uses a female pronoun or refers to me as a girl, she seems genuinely surprised that I wince or look irritable. Anyway. The wrong pronoun can ruin my day (if only temporarily). Especially stings when I feel like I've been passing well and then all of a sudden, the clerk at the library's all "Betsy Sue? Yeah, here's your book."
