I know that I like guys. This is not even a question. I am now questioning my gender identity. I tend to think like women do, and I love to wear women's clothing. The only thing is I love my...male parts. I have always thought though that I should have been born a woman. I am just wondering if my feelings are conflicting each other. I know that I should have been born a woman, but I love my male parts. This all is very confusing to me. Does this make sense?
It makes perfect sense. Without any labels, are you happy with who you are and how you are living your life? Or happy that if you fell in love with a man, that you and he could be happy together? Just like being gay, being trans isn't about the past, it's about right now.
I would be happy if I fell in love with a man, yes, but right here and right now no I am not happy with who I am as far as being a man. Like I said I love the physical part, it is just the other parts where I feel like I should have been a woman.
I've got kinda the same issue. I dug up some long ago personal history and found my transfemimine inner child. Ih had been thinking I'm binary terms and just assumed I had to be transfemale. I've done a bit of searching, and found myself, as my gender descriptive says, on the feminine side of genderqueer. I know I think like a woman, like feminine things including clothing etc. But I'm not sure if it's absolutely necessary to medically transition. I'm seeing a therapist to help me figure this out. Being totally honest with myself, I also found I am attracted to masculinity as well as femininity. Trans or otherwise. So, my wife and I are trying to hash all this out. But she seems to want to "resurrect" her "husband" and any inkling i give her that I may not need transition seems to give her hope. I'm like "Nope, still transfemimine." But maybe we'll work it out. Out at least be amicably divorced. That's not altogether out of the question. Here's to hope!
I've been to a therapist as well, they are a great resource for these kinds of questions if you can afford one. What we can't do is change the past. I really want to say we can snap our fingers and go back to before we went through male puberty and make everything right. But that's not the case. What we can do is just figure out who we are, and how to make it so we can interact with the world in a way that makes sense to us without fighting ourselves. If you are a woman, you are one right now. You are already being a woman. The brain is just like any other part of the body, ready to become male or female when exposed to the right hormones. Yours may have ended up female while the rest of the body developed. You're also a grown up. You've lived an entire life as a man, and part of that life involved having male genitals. You're used to them. Just going to be really open here for a sec, but if mine worked better the "boy way" I would probably be more attached to my own than I am. They work just fine in other ways, just never that way. So given that situation, I personally have decided to get rid of what I see as useless testosterone factories that do nothing but make everyone see me as a man, and change my body and presentation in a way with "full time" as a goal. This costume that somehow got super-glued on is coming off as soon as I can get it off. But that is me. Every step I've taken toward that, I can't describe how much better it has made me feel, how much easier it is, how much less I have to keep track of things, how much more sense everything makes. What I'm saying is, I benefit from everything I do to transition. If you don't think you'd benefit from getting rid of the darn thing, keep it! It might make some things like swimming and bathrooms a little more awkward, but we all find creative solutions to those problems. Just whatever you do, I think it's a good idea to sit down and say "okay. How much of this am I not doing because I'm afraid, and how much am I not doing because I honestly don't want to". Then look at that list of things you are afraid to do, and understand that if you have felt the way you do for a long time, it won't go away. So imagine you still feel like this a year from now, 5 years from now, and compare that to what it costs you to change. Changing physical sex, or presentation, are not package deals. They haven't invented the box I can walk into and out of, wham bam thank you ma'am, yet. So you get to pick and choose, what if anything you want to do, as far as living a life as a woman.
Very true Cassie. Not one-size-fits-all for transition. That's for sure! There are people on here that are faab who are trsnsmasculine as well. One even told me that he felt the exact opposite the way I feel; the masculine side of genderqueer. I think he's looking at transition as an ultimate goal.
