I have a reputation as being an 'excellent student' at my school, but over the past term, my grades have dropped an entire letter in a lot of subjects like English and science. I know it's because I'm lacking concentration and therefore commitment because I'm constantly thinking about gender issues I have. It's so frustrating, especially since I know how much better I can do. Anyway, today in class, I got my results back for an assessment. I started crying and my teacher asked me why. I said something about being so disappointed in myself because I was trying so hard, but I let myself down. Again. She told me to stay after class and talk to her, because it's obvious I'm having confidence issues apparently. The conversation went something like: Her:What's wrong? Me: Nothing Her: Are you lacking in confidence lately? Me:*nods* Her: Any reason in particular? Me: No. I could have said something, but I froze. I want to tell someone so much, but I have a hard time admitting it to myself even. She said if I ever had any problems I could talk to her, and as much as I want to, I just know I will tense up again and not talk. I am so worried I won't get into a good sixth form, and the one I would like to go to has very gender strict rules anyway. I feel so overwhelmed lately, and I just needed to get it out of my system before I completely break down.
Your teacher is very perceptive. Do you trust her? If so, tell her. Get it off your chest. It will sink in, you will feel good, and have someone know. Most people don't get that opportunity. Believe me that most teachers want nothing but the best for and from their students... I know. Get your life on track, grades will come when your mind is clear.
I kinda had the opposite thing happen to me. When I discovered I was gay I didn't want to think about coming out to people at a.ll. So I focused really hard in all of my classes because I didn't want my homosexuality consuming me and turning me into something I'm not. So I had the opposite problem as you except I like having good grades and plan to keep it up. If I where you I would just tell the teacher after class and she can help you out. If she is trustworthy she will help you and probably even cut you some slack (Don't abuse it). Just tell her and she will be able to help you. If you don't tell then there is nothing she can do. What helped me at first was to hold my breathe and count to three.
I do trust her, and she knows something's up now so I guess I should tell her, I was just worried about her talking to my parents, but I don't think she'd do that without telling me first or asking.
If you're worried about that, you could get your head teacher involved...technically speaking if you have a private meeting with senior management involving yourself and a teacher it is to be kept confidential so if she DID tell your parents without your consent she could be in trouble for it. I know you don't want to let too many people know, but it also has the advantage that the senior staff team can look in to things to help you
It's good to have someone you can confide in. I went through something similar...but there was no one I could tell about it. It helps to accept and get over it.
If you don't tell her tell a counselor. Other than bodily harm or abuse counselors are required to maintain confidential information as far as I know. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
It can be very hard to take that first step and say something. Whenever I need to talk about something uncomfortable, I'm afraid of locking up too. I have a small little trick that helps me... I just "order" myself to do it. Then I go about it in a way that's almost like watching myself as something else takes over. Just going through the motions as deemed necessary.
I know that dropping grades are not good, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEAAAASE...forgive yourself. Give yourself a break sometimes, you are going through a very stressful time dealing with issues most people never even have to think about. You are an amazing person in a hard situation, and no matter what, that will NOT change. If you can't forgive yourself for slipping sometimes, it will be very hard. Just remember, everybody here cares a great deal about you =). *hugs*
Thankyou for all your support. I think I will try to tell her tomorrow when I see her next or I will talk to the counselor at school.
It's been alright so far, she said that I have nothing to worry about and that she doesn't want to put too much pressure on me; she also said that my grades are fine and I should start making more progress throughout this half of the year because my grades are quite good still and I've talked to someone now. I don't know, but I feel like this is a good outcome.
