A more apt term for "straight acting" - Discreet Gay

Personally I don't see how that's any better that 'straight acting', it still implies that you're hiding it from people for whatever reason.

You use it to describe someone who you wouldn't know was gay unless they told you, but then that still assumes that you WOULD assume the were straight because thats the 'normal' position (I'm not saying that's how you meant it by the way, please dont think I'm having a go at you!).

 

It is a widely used term here, especially on dating applications- local guys point out in their 'about me' section that they are discreet e.g Discreet looking for the same. Something like that.

 

I think there's two great words, and I'm surprised more people don't use them.

Masculine, and feminine.

I'm feminine, and I would not be offended in the slightest if I were dating someone and she said she was more into masculine women.

Also, most of the gay men I know fit this description. They would be "straight acting"; you wouldn't know they were gay until they were holding hands, and they are some of the warmest and strongest people I know.

I guess there are some problems, I know some gay men that I think are still very masculine, that let their other side show on the surface. Rainbows, drag for fun, you name it. And it actually accentuates their masculinity, the same way a man's business shirt on a woman with a very feminine frame accentuates her femininity. They would be very masculine but not "straight acting".

But I think it's still a step in the right direction. At least this way you are describing things you would like to see in a partner instead of what you don't want to see.

 

The words "straight acting" are used for people who act straight so people don't know they're gay or bi. So someone that doesn't "act gay" doesn't make him/her "straight acting" right? So how can discreet gay be a replacment term? What is your definition of a discreet gay?

 

I thought 'straight acting' was a term used for a person who doesn't fit the typical gay stereotypes (flamboyant, feminine etc), rather than someone who is trying to act straight to 'cover up' their sexual orientation.

I would probably fit under the 'straight acting' category, since my sexual orientation is not obvious to most people who assume gay = feminine, rainbows or whatever else. I've never used the term before though, and I have no desire to start now. There are a lot of gay people on the streets who most people would never assume are gay, simply because they don't make it blindingly obvious.

I would be inclined to agree. I think masculine men, straight or gay, who are willing to dress up like a woman just for the sake of it, are very secure with their masculinity, and I find that an appealing quality.

 

I would just say non-stereotypical

 

EDIT: Really sorry to hear about that His loss though.

Gonna go ahead and leave the rest of this,

I think we can find something that can work. The reason "straight acting" and "gay acting" are offensive is because of where you're drawing lines. So let's just take all the things people do, and put them in each bucket. Watching the superbowl earlier today goes in "straight acting", being able to dress yourself in clothes that make you look good goes in the "gay acting" bucket. Just every stereotype, don't be shy about it. If you know all the songs from "cats", gay acting. Liking country western music... we'll just not put that in either bucket since it's hard to decide.

Then let's take both those buckets, and dump them on the floor.

Then, and this step is key. Even though this is a thought experiment, this part is not. Say out loud, "being gay is awesome".

Then, let's make another bucket, with a question mark on it. And let's pick up all the pieces that you think describe you, and the kinds of guys you like, and put them in that bucket.

Now, let's put a sticker over the question mark, and write a label on that sticker. What word are we going to pick?

Strong? Successful? Smart?

That was the direction I was trying to go in. The reason why "straight acting" gets offensive is because no one wants to be completely normal, and no one wants to be a stereotype. No one would want to be either of the first two buckets. But anyone would probably be ok with being whatever the third bucket was.

So there's nothing wrong with wanting a word to describe you and the kind of people you like. You should absolutely look for people that would be right for you, and if a word helps you find them, go for it! You don't like the song "heaven is a place on earth" and don't think you'd get along with someone who goes to work on a pony, hey that is okay, a catch like that will have no problems finding someone else. Go for the guy that's right for you.

So just trying another label on for size, how does "down to Earth" strike you?

 

Hold on duende, you take that apology back!

Don't apologise because an idea went bad! You've not said anything to offend or hurt anybody, it just turns out that the idea doesn't work quite how you thought it did. We all get that from time to time! (*hug*)

 

Since I came out last year to my family and friends as gay, people tell my I act much more gay or am noticeably gay. I guess it's because I am secure in who I am and no longer hiding it. Before I came out I worked at acting straight, tried to be all macho and it just failed and looked awkward only because it did not fit me.

I am more feminine and no longer hide who I am and it feel's so free.

 

+ 1. This works.

Because it sounds like a person who does not fit a checklist people would be apt to look for.

 

As a masculine guy, I agree. I like "non-stereotypical" because it takes some of the weight off of the language. Honestly, I think it's also a good idea just to list interests and stuff and not try to make cliquey names—while there are a ton of stereotypes out there and many people do fulfill them to a T, I know a twinky drama queen who genuinely loves football and a jocky hockey player who gives it the eye-roll. It's cool that you're looking for new language though, because as a guy who would probably describe himself as "straight-acting," I need a new word because I'm neither straight nor acting.

 

straight acting? does it really matter? at the end of the day were just being ourselves. Some people are camp, some flamboyant some aren't. I could be described as straight acting but I don't consider it to be straight acting because i'm not walking hand in hand with a girl lol. I'm just being myself. I have a terrible fashion sense and feel more comfortable in jeans and t shirt because that's what I choose to wear.