This is the very first website I joined seeking advice and help. I'm a 43 year old person. I say person because I'm very confused about my gender. I know I'm older and finding it very difficult to understand why it's taken me so long to realize this. I was born male. When I was a child I found myself more interested in girl type things. Instead of plastic toy army soldiers, Tonka trucks, I enjoyed playing house, jump rope, and pretty much anything little girls like to do. I didn't have many boy friends and most were girls. This was by choice. By the age of 12, I found I wanted to dress as a woman for Halloween. It was my first experience. I felt so at home wearing women's clothing. So much that it secretly continued to this very day. I've been in relationships with women and even fathered 2 children. I've tried to live as a man but always feel like some things not right. When I dress as a woman, I see beauty. I feel totally complete. So much that I've often dreamed of having female breasts along with a curvy body. I was born a slim petite male. I'm 5'9" and only weigh 135-140lbs. I'm not very strong physically and have natural feminine qualities. Not just physically but have a way of thinking like a woman does. I see things in a woman's point of view. Is it possible to have sexual attraction to women and men but still be a woman born in a male body? I love women. I think women are beautiful but find over the past several years a stronger need for men. It's confusing because I question if I'm just bisexual or deep down a woman. Maybe both? I thrive and desire the emotional and physical companionship of a dominant man. I'm stuck doing nothing about my feelings. I'm unhappy living this way. I lack courage to overcome and take on the world. What is the correct question to ask myself? What is the correct answer to confirm who I really am? How to I start and move forward in being happy? I need help.
Hey there, for starters welcome to EC! Now though the past does help in showing the signs of who you are today, it really all depends on the now. How do you feel now? Do you feel like a woman in a man's body? Do you feel trapped or disgusted by your masculine body structure? Have you experienced any form of dysphoria ( meaning your mind and body don't seem to have a full connection of one another)? I ask that last question, not because it's absolutely necessary to have raging dysphoria in order to be transgender; but personally I believe you need to have some form of it in order to be a MtF. Remember Trans* is an umbrella term that houses many different labels. To me it does sound like you could be a MtF, by the way you're saying that you're not happy living this way; but only you can decide that, unfortunately. It's a hard journey in figuring that part out, but I'm certain things will click. Can you be a woman in a man's body and still be attracted to woman and/or men? Of course. I'm a FtM and I'm very attracted to men, pretty certain I didn't choose to be attracted to men either. I think if I had a choice I'd probably be attracted to woman or both men and women. Sorry I'm kind of rushing this post, but I would start doing some research, watch some videos of MtFs on youtube and see if you can connect with them. I'm sure there are others here that can give better advice; but that's what I did when I began soul searching. I wish you the best of luck and if you need anyone to talk to feel free to post something on my wall!
Hi and welcome! You sound pretty trans to me And yes you can be a transwoman and lesbian or bi. You know that it feels right to wear women's clothes. What about a different name? What about changing the gender in your profile? How would that feel?
Find a therapist if you can. They don't have to be a gender therapist but it does help if they are supportive of transgendered folks. That's what I would recommend as a starting point to explore your feelings
Hi Kmann. By the sounds of things, I'm pretty sure I have a good idea what your answers will be to the questions I am about to ask you. By the looks of things, your biggest issue here is (and this is the case for most of us, I think) the rest of the world. But before we get in to that issue, some questions! Before you answer these questions, I want you to imagine a world basically the same as the one you live in but with one key difference. No matter what you do (and you can do ANYTHING - even change your body), everyone will act as though it's always been that way and it's the most normal thing in the world. The important thing is that in this world, you are going to be happy. With that in mind, my first question is; tomorrow, you wake up (in the world we just imagined) and look in the mirror - what do you see? When you go to your wardrobe, what clothes do you take out? My second question; Now that you're dressed and looking how you want to look, you go downstairs - who is there. A lover or partner? Who are they? WHAT are they? (I mean gender...not like...an animal or something!) Are you there on your own and quite happy about it? Remember - you are choosing what makes you happy here, what you really feel you want and/or need. My third question; Now what are you going to do? In this world, what do you DO, be it work or hobbies or whatever. My fourth question; You've done whatever it is you do all day and you go to bed. The next day you wake up and all those things are gone. In the mirror you see the person you are now. How do you feel about that?
