Guuh... need to vent here. I feel like I'm not doing ANYTHING to get to where I wanna be in my life. Like I'm not rally getting any closer to being who I really am... I don;t really know how to go forward from here... while the 2 friends who know are awesome about it there's only so much I can do even with their help to feel better about myself.. like when we're together they try to use my perferred name and pronouns, but that's sort of it... and my therapist says that I shouldnt come out any more until I'm certain on my identity.. and I don't really have any other close friends I could come out to anyway... and I really want to talk to my mom again... but she's always either occupied with work or already in bed or I'm doing homework or she's doing errands so I can't talk to her... and my dad's too hard to talk to so I can't rally talk to him... the therapist is helpful but I only meet her almost weekly, and most of the sessions we don't even talk about gender stuff... I feel like even though I'm really close to sure that I need to be a girl I don't know how to get there, like I am making no progress whatsoever to transition. And my sister came and took her old clothes out of our house so I can't even get dressed up alone anymore... I just don;t know where to go from here or what to do, I feel like things are only getting worse as my grades go down because of this and I constantly feel worse about myself... I just don't know how to get closer to being myself.:bang::tears:
"I really want to talk to my mom again... but she's always either occupied with work or already in bed or I'm doing homework or she's doing errands so I can't talk to her... " I'm sorry, but no. This could be the biggest thing you'll ever deal with in your life, your mum can make time. You just have to make her understand how important it is that she hears it. I know exactly what you mean, my mum is always busy with SOMETHING and when you try and talk there is always something else she ought to be doing. It took a big argument to get her to listen to me and I wish I'd done it differently. You've got to make her understand that this is a really massive thing you want to talk about and she is the only person you really feel you can go to with it! As for the rest. Perhaps I'm missing something here, but you seem pretty sure of your identity, at least in the sense that you are not 100% male. I mean I don't know what 'progress' you would LIKE to make, but by the sounds of things you really want to start dressing female, which you can't do unless you are out to people. Don't take your therapist so literally. You may never get to a point where you are 'certain', because you can't tell the future. You can guess and follow your feelings and that's all. But if you decide you can't tell anyone else until you are completely certain, you never will. You want to be COMFORTABLE with your identity. You need to know what you would like your next step to be and to have an idea of what you want people to do, you need to feel comfortable with things and be pretty sure, but that doesn't mean you can't question or doubt occasionally.
Well said Ellia. Ember, something to keep in mind is that transitioning and coming out aren't something that most people do in just the blink of an eye. It's almost always a process that takes a while. I understand the urge to issue a Declaration of Self to everyone you know and just be done with it, but more often then not you have to take a lot of little steps first. Ellia is right when she says not to take the therapist so literly. Certain is a fairly ambiguous word and it has little meaning if you take it to mean 100%. Look at it this way, let's say that in a given week you think about whether your "certain" or not 1000 times. If you have even 1 doubt that pops up and the rest of the time you're sure then the percentage is 99.9. Given the shear odds against not ever having a single doubt no one would ever really be "certain" now would they? Even if they were 100% certain, they'd have more pressing things to deal with; like why they were incapable of doubt. :lol:
