So I've been questioning my gender identity over the past month or so and I've just remembered something that I wanted to get a little bit of advice on... I remember very clearly the first time I wore a proper bra (I'd had kiddie ones for a while but hadn't really needed them), I looked in the mirror and was so ... (shocked? disgusted? confused? not quite sure what the word is I'm looking for here) at my body suddenly looking so different that I went and hid under the covers and cried and cried and cried. My mum came and sat with me but it took me an hour to calm down enough even to explain to her what was wrong, and even then I still felt on the verge of tears every time I thought about it. I guess what I'm wondering is whether that is a usual reaction to your body changing as you reach puberty, or whether it is a sign that I might be something other than cisgender. Any advice/guidance would be hugely appreciated!
How long ago was that? If it's more than what...a week...then I would worry less about how you felt then and more about how you feel now. If you looked in the mirror at your chest now, how do you feel about it?
Oh this was quite a while ago now, maybe a couple of years? I see what you mean about it being more about how I feel now. I'm not sure, there's definitely something that feels wrong somehow when I look at myself in the mirror, but I don't actively hate the way my body looks.
OK. Next time you get the chance, go and look at yourself in the mirror. Don't focus on anything in particular. Most importantly, look but do not look for things that are wrong. See how you feel. Allow yourself to think whatever thoughts come up and take note of them. Let yourself see what feels right and wrong and then you can start to think about why
