As a few of you know, I'm pretty new here and have just admitted that who I am just a short time ago. Since then, it's been great, I've torn down alot of my mental barriers and am making progress in a number of areas. However, I don't think that my mental state has quite caught up just yet. I keep finding myself calling me a guy in my head and censoring some thoughts and mannerisms. I also find that my mental image of who I am is still the same in that I'm a bit surprised by my reflection when I look in a mirror. I keep expecting to see a gruff guy, but am instead pleased to see my current look (much more femme). I was just wondering if anyone else found themselves in a similar position shortly after recognizing themselves, and about how long it took before you "caught up with yourself" in your head.
Nope. Never. NEEEEEVER happened. You're on your own! You must be crazy or something! It does take time to adjust. It would be difficult enough if it was just over-coming years of habit and familiarity, but every day you will find something to remind you of what people thought you were! In my case, I still find myself not daring to comment on someone's clothing if I like it, because I'm so used to that being weird 'for a guy'. Mornings and late evening suck for me because that's when I look in the mirror and see stubble, that throws me back a bit. It does take time but you'll get there
I've been there. I still find it hard to gently inform people that I'm a woman. But I know it and just try to carry on with life. My wife is a bit more used to it but it's a slow process. If you are happier looking in the mirror and seeing you, fabulous! Just keep reminding yourself of who you are. Seek out a gender therapist. They can help you more directly in this area. All the best on your gender journey! We're always here, and you can post on my wall any time!
I too am a recent transitioner, and yes this is very much something I'm adjusting to. I think it is partly because I have to break my vocabulary up depending on the company I'm with at the time. If they know or not etc. A good girl friend of mine and I always used to refer to each other as "like brother & sister", and even after spending the entire day with her showing me how to put on makeup and teaching me about the different kinds around, we still both had to keep catching ourselves with that phrase, correcting it to "sisters". My mother also, who is incredibly understanding of all of this, is still struggling over the hump of changing the way she reffers to me from "my baby boy" to "my darling girl" and other various cutsie little mannerisms she uses with me. I myself still look in the mirror and see a man staring back at me. But I know that's not what I want to see. This could however, be partly due to the fact that I am a little bit obsessed with passing, and terrified of not being able to do so, so that might be more anxiety/neurosis than it is a mental adjustment. Finally, my female name. I adore it, and when somebody refers to me by it, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. And yet, it still takes me a second sometimes if I'm distracted to realize that somebody calling out "Sarah!" is calling out for MY attention. Similarly, I still mentally refer to myself by my male name before correcting myself. I assume that most of it is, as stated, a mix of habit, and having mixed reactions between different groups. I don't think it's something to be all too concerned about
I thought as much, but I still like to "compare notes" about these kinds of things. This is a strange time for me, and seeing others going through the same thing makes me feel a bit better. I've been trying to let the people I've told come to terms with it a bit more before asking them to use the correct name and pronouns, but it's getting a bit more difficult to wait. If I heard them use them, I'm pretty sure that it would help with this quite a bit. @Maverik: It's not so much that I see a girl in the mirror, but more like I can see more of myself. I still see many of my male characteristics. However, it's almost like I'm wearing a mask that is starting to tear and fall apart, letting me see a little bit of myself through the cracks. Does that make any sense? Also, you use the name Sarah too? :lol: Thanks for the responses everyone
