So, I've spoken to a number of my friends about how my biggest fear is that no matter how long I go on hormones, or how perfectly my surgery may go, I'll never truly pass as a woman, and will forever look like a man who's trying to look womanly. This inevitably leads to image searching around trans comunities, looking at profiles and discussing how well we think somebody passes. Not at all in a judgemental "This person is pretty and this person is not" kind of way. Every woman I've seen who has the empowerment to be who she is is gorgeous in my eyes. But simply in a "masculine features vs feminine features" kind of way. I'm more than well aware that passing sometimes isn't even the goal of some trans folks, and that's great! I wish I could have that level of self confidence. What I find it often comes down to, is the question I can't ever answer. "If you didn't know she was trans, would you be able to tell?". I sincerely don't know. I look at these images and I think "Yes, I would still find this face to be masculine enough to make me think about it", as opposed to whether or not "She pulls it off well". I want to reach the point someday, where, even knowing I am trans, people would doubt that I was ever in a physically male form. Not just being able to look "good enough to pass", but "good enough to cause doubt" I guess is a way to put it. I'm not going to link any images of anybody I feel still looks masculine, as the last thing I want is to offend anybody, but I will link a couple of images of myself, and one extra link. [Links Removed] This is what I look like right now. Pre-everything. And my face is the thing that I am by far the most dysphoric about. The thing I worry will never look truly feminine, and will leave people I meet wondering. The other link I wanted to post, for the sake of reference, is a tumblr user I've encountered who... Well let's just say that her transformation gives me hope that maybe it's possible to pass so seamlessly that people would doubt your word if you told them your past. And the fact that she's done it with nothing more than hormones is amazing. Dreaming of Wonderland So... Yeah... I don't know... What do you folks think? What is passing to you? Without naming names or pointing fingers (pointing is rude ), do you ever see trans girls or guys and think that they just don't quite pull it off? Does anybody else share my fear of never becoming "seamless"?
I'm very much one of those people who doesn't see 'passing' as the goal. It's a happy sideeffect of dressing how I want. I'm not convinced it's so much self-confidence, so much as it is the realisation that had I not been born with a wang, I would probably look pretty similar and just be considered an ugly girl. ""If you didn't know she was trans, would you be able to tell?"" You're looking at profiles of trans people, so you are automatically looking harder for masculine features. This isn't something you do out in the street, you see woman and look for womanly things. That's not to say masculine features won't stand out, but you aren't actively looking for them in the female population. Half the problem with 'passing' I think, is that it's basically inherently linked to the stereotypical view of beauty. Most of the time when I hear 'passes' I find they are talking about someone who is really beautiful, absolutely wouldn't look out of place in a magazine or something. Which is fine, some people get to that. But you know what, most of us never EVER will. I don't know about you, but I don't have time for loads of make-up and to do my hair really nicely. MOST women don't. There are plenty of cis-women out there with features that don't fit the same 'beauty' ideal. Hell you could find a cis-woman that looks EXACTLY like you, and people would still say they can tell or that you don't pass.
My understanding is that there's certain traits that lead to a more masculine or more feminine face. Jaw structure and cheekbone height etc. I'm not sure if a "born female" me would indeed have the exact same looks.
I am almost certain I am going to be one that will never pass even with surgery and hormones. Some people are lucky and their features naturally lend themselves to the opposite gender. For example, a woman with a squarer jaw line will no doubt look more convincingly masculine once t has done its work. I am not so lucky. There is absolutely nothing about me that lends itself to being male so I don't know how passing will go for me in the future. I guess what's more important for me is that people won't care to notice. I may not pass very well and will probably turn out to be a very ugly looking man but if I could go to the shops without getting stared at, you know that would do just fine for me
I think ElliOtaku has it exactly right. You don't look at someone in public and say... Wow that's really a genetic male when presenting as female. I ask people sometimes because I do try to pass, but then people do try to analyze. But when I just go with it no one questions, at least the few times I've been out. People are also to concerned with themselves to honestly care. I mean... If you're a hairy bearded fellow in a floral dress well, you know.
Is 'passing' as they say the ultimate goal? 0.o From the way everyone around here talks I have been figuring the goal overall has just been to find that place where you feel comfortable in your own skin. That always seemed like everyone's major goal in the long run. I personally hope that each and every one of you manages to become so unimaginably beautiful/handsome ( depending on which way you're going with this ) that no one could even imagine you were ever anything else in the first place. I hope that for all of you, but I don't think that's what everyone wants it seems to me like that confidence to just be okay with who you are is what everyone is looking for around here. In either case, don't beat yourself up too much. If that was you pre anything as your post suggested ( or maybe I misread ) you're already looking just fine :3
@Kasey I guess I'm not as worried about random strangers on the street giving me strange looks, as I am concerned about the difficulties that being trans can bring about in interpersonal relationships. Friends, colleges, lovers. Jobs. etc. I'm a nervous person and I suffer from anxiety, so the idea that I may find it impossible to achieve these sorts of connections is frightening to me. It makes me think very hard about trying to make my appearance match my goal if that makes sense. @Simple Thoughts No you read right. I'm pre everything at this point. I only came to terms with myself 3, maybe 4 weeks ago. Thank you for the compliment It's not my "end goal" so to speak I guess. My end goal is to be happy with who I am, and to stop forcing myself to be something I'm not. But I'm afraid that being able to "pass convincingly" will be an important factor in being happy with who I am. It's not to say that I will not go through with things if I can't "look right". But I guess I'm just afraid that I might destroy myself in the attempt, and that my life would only get worse than it already is. As I said, I suffer depression and anxiety. And as much as discovering these things about myself have opened up so many of my hidden away issues, that fear doesn't go away...
If you are female there is no way around it you are who you are. You are concerned with overly masculine features after your transition steps you can always work on exercises, makeup, mannerisms, etc. Dont give up on what you want so easily.
Well see, you're already on the right path then That's good. I think vanity as an end goal is a little silly myself. I prefer hearing people say 'being happy with who I am' or 'Feeling comfortable in my own skin'. These to me are respectable causes and ones I can feel a sympathy towards. Don't let fear hold you back, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says you'll find happiness as soon as you're able to freely express who you are. Also, relationships/love/and friends or w/e else you're searching for in that regard will all come with time. (*hug*)
