Ever since I was four or five I've known I was different. At maybe age four I cried when I realized I wasn't going to grow the "right parts" after seeing that boys looked different than girls. And I would refuse dresses, cut the bows off shirts before I would wear them, dress in boy clothes whenever I could, etc. Meanwhile my crushes were always on girls in elementary school. Later I took all this to mean I was a lesbian. Until of course I fell in love with a boy. I now identify as bisexual. Thing is though, the gender issue has not gone away. I feel like I'm in a ridiculous costume when I wear women's clothing. I notice things like the buttons being on the wrong side of a shirt, a sleeve that is capped at the shoulder in a "feminine" way, shoes that have a slight heel, etc. But I don't consider myself transgender. For a year I did bind my breasts, cut my hair short, shopped exclusively in the men's section, etc. and I didn't feel any more at home in my body than I did before, mostly because I couldn't pass and people just thought I was going through a butch phase. My boyfriends did not appreciate having to answer questions for me either. Is it possible that gender neutrality really is a legit gender identity? I like having shoulder-length hair and I don't mind my breasts, but I also wish I had different parts and I refuse to wear women's clothes unless I have to. I've always felt like I had much more in common with men than women, and I've always felt more comfortable around transgender people than cisgender people. Any advice?
"Is it possible that gender neutrality really is a legit gender identity?" Yes, very possible, in fact as far as I know there are more than a few people on this site who identify as no gender or gender neutral! Transition is about doing what is comfortable for you, not forcing yourself in to some ideal of how a person should be!
Thank you! Seems like people are very uncomfortable when you're somewhere in-between. I've noticed that with my trans friends as well--people get really uneasy during the transition, and then as soon as they are fully transitioned and start passing, people are more accepting (except for the hateful, evil people that never accept it). I wish I could meet some more neutral people so I wouldn't feel like such a weirdo.
"I've always felt like I had much more in common with men than women" I'm the same! In general I don't even get along with women. Also, I guess you could say I'm neutral too, so you're not alone.
At this point I'm about 90%-98% (depending on the day) positive I'm non-binary. There are all kinds of identities that don't fit in the 'male' or 'female' category, and they are 100% legit. Literally, if you can think of a way one could theoretically express or identify with regards to gender, it probably exists out there somewhere. Like, literally three or four months ago I though that the two options that had been crammed down my throat from day one were it, BUT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE and its beautiful and makes me want to cry in a good way or jump around or something because when I learned this my whole life started making so much more sense! And there are lots of people out there too who identify somewhere outside of the gender binary and don't change their gender expression or don't change names, pronouns, etc. Identity =/= expression, so don't let people try and invalidate you by saying you can't possibly be however you identify because you don't look the way they think you should or change your pronouns or name or whatever. Not all people who identify outside the 'male' and 'female' boxes want or even try to look androgynous. Do whatever feels comfortable for yourself! You're not weird and you're not alone.
One of my good friends is non-binary. It's a totally legit identity. They prefer gender neutral pronouns and are just generally awesome. I know a few really cool non-binary people at my school actually, it's a lot more common than you think.
My advice? Just relax. As the others have said, yes agendered people exist. There's a whole spectrum out there, not just two slots. If you don't want to transition, then don't. Do what makes you happy.
Wow! You are all awesome. Thank you so so much. I wish everyone was so cool and understanding. But hey, the world has changed before and it will again.
I'm sort of in the same canoe. Up until I realized that I was indeed attracted to girls, I was certain that I was trans. I hated my body, I would cry myself to sleep that I was born a girl, and, from the ages of 11-14, I dressed solely like a boy and passed pretty much everywhere I went. But, upon my realization that I'm "gay," as it were, my desire to transition has, for whatever reason, diminished significantly. I still feel like a clown in girl's clothing, and I generally identify with guys more often, but I grew my hair out long (suuuper long), and maintain very gender neutral clothing (though it does still come from the guy's section). Every now and then, I'll start wishing I were a guy again, just to make life simpler, and I'll wince at feminine stereotypes directed towards me, but I'm pretty neutral about it all. I wouldn't exactly call myself butch; I've been compared to male elves (LotR style) numerous times. I identify with neither yet both genders at once, 'tis an odd state.
WallWeed, exactly. I cried myself to sleep a lot too. It is an odd state. It's mostly that I want to avoid being treated as a "woman" and in fact I loathe that word...so even though my clothes are still boy clothes (although they don't hide that I'm female) I find myself having to verbalize a lot of this, which gets me into long complicated conversations with people much more often than I'd like. Hope we both find some peace.
I know what you are saying. I was assigned male at birth, but I've always identified with females much more as friends. I'm mostly attracted to females, but with exceptions. I'm married to a wonderful woman for 8 years and have 3 girls and 1 boy. Recently (October recently) I've made sense of my being drawn to girls and girly things; I'm a trans girl. But I went through the bargaining phase, for quite a while,whereI thought I could identify as non-binary (femme androgyne, genderqueer, demigirl). What I found is, though I may have some "male" traits personality wise, they're more tomboyish and learned social behaviors than being "a man." That veers off course, i know. But, I'm just saying that I know that many non binary identities are many, varied, and 100% valid! Just be you, and don't let anyone tell you who you are! All the best! Emma
I know exactly how you feel as Im pretty much the same way. I feel strange and uncomfortable when Im wearing more feminine clothes but don't want to look fully masculine either. Pretty much with me though I want to reduce but not completely remove my boobs. I also tend to stick with the most neutral clothes I can which is usually t-shirts and pants/shorts (I hate jeans, so I usually wear cargo and sweatpants) And yes gendrneutral people exist. Besides me I have 3 friends that identify as genderneutral.
Yes, being non-binary/gender neutral is a valid identity. As mentioned, there's an entire spectrum of gender between the binaries. I mean, I'm a genderqueer trans guy myself, and while I feel a bit excluded from binary trans folks at times, it doesn't mean my gender isn't "valid". I definitely understand how strange it is trying to fit in somewhere, while you're in the grey spaces, but ultimately, just be you. And non-binary folks are much more common than one would think.
Thanks all again for the support and validation. Now if only it weren't so hard to find nice male clothing for a tiny female body! It's strange, when I look in the mirror when I'm naked I just don't see a woman staring back at me. And I kind of pick my partners by the way they interact with me--I think the hardest thing about not fully transitioning is that people still treat me like a girl and make comments all the time about what a nice young lady I am, which just gets under my skin and makes me irritable all the time. But I guess that's a small price to pay for living in this gray area. And anyway, some people recognize that masculine spirit and love it too, and those are the people I fall madly in love with!
I think the best advice is contained in your own post. You seem to have figured out exactly what makes you comfortable. So go with it, and don't worry so much about what label to attach to yourself.
I think even if there was no such 'label' as gender neutral, how you feel is legitimate and real and totally OK. Like really, it doesn't matter if other people don't understand. Hell, it doesn't even matter if you yourself weren't 100% sure on things, how you feel is REAL. And it's valid. Take your time in figuring out how to be yourself, how to make yourself as happy and comfortable with your body and everything else, and live how you feel is best for you.
I don't have any advise, but I just want to say I understand where you're coming from, and your experience is totally valid. I share a similar one. I really wish I had been born female, and I don't really like presenting masculine. It just feels like it's not me. But, I don't really feel like I want to transition and radically change my body. I will just learn to live with the body I have... There are things I do to feel more feminine, like running. You're still totally valid even if you don't want to medically do anything with yourself. Anyway, there totally is a word for what you're saying. I think it's agender, actually. But you can identify however you feel most comfortable.
