life, love, and HRT

Perhaps she feels like you want a new life and this is her way how to deal with it? To do big positive changes in HER life too?

 

In talking to my girlfriend about this she mentioned was that at times me talking about SRS as more of a definite makes her feel I'm putting an end date on our relationship (she is straight and I understand that along with the fact she is fine with me presenting as female in every other way, and I'm still not 100% if I'm not at least somewhere along the non-binary) This does sound as if she is trying to set herself up for the potential point where you are separated.

Also in regards to conversation how much does it end up mentioning about SRS and such? The parts where you will definitely not be want she is attracted to and the fact that either way this could be inevitable.

 

I think the issue is a lot bigger than you being trans (though that does complicate things.) I think they key for you two is to keep communication open. You should let her know this, and let her know you want to try your best to do that and you can't keep communication open alone.

 

Hey Emma. Despite the feelings that you're going through right now, I actually think you are being fairly level-headed. You have been trying to talk to her and make it work while still being true to yourself. Your wife does seem to still be in the "stages of loss" period. Try to understand that it can take a while for her to get past that. I know it's not easy having to slow down on your transition a bit (believe me, I know), but unfortunately it's something many of us have to deal with. That's part of the reason we are here right? for support?

The marriage counselor seems like a good idea; it may be just the mediator she needs to express her feelings and open up. With that, working through this may get a bit easier. As many have said, communication is key. Keep us informed about what's going on so we can give better input. Hang in there, girl.

P.s. If you need to talk, I'm here. (*hug*)

 

I am sorry, but I don't quite understand that. Do you mean since October?
Or was your marriage arranged by your parents? Or what do you mean?

 

I personally think that's a little unhealthy, but that's me. How strong is a relationship if both parties can't communicate openly? I think the trans thing is a big shock to her, and I don't know if she's really processing her new knowledge of you and what it means well, and that's why she feels a mediator is vital. I wouldn't be shocked if some of the things she says in a mediated environment are upsetting.

Don't bend on your identity. You're so much more than your body, dear. What she needs to understand is that by sharing this with her, you're not out to hurt her or make her feel conflicted. You need to open up to her because you need to be honest about who you are, and you need to bring yourself out so that you can be true to yourself and everyone else can see the woman you are too. She needs to know that you're not trying to be something you're not, and that if you were to try to live as a man for her, you'd be living a lie. Make sure she knows that this isn't some way of saying you're gay or that you don't love her. But also understand that there's a very real possibility you two will end up going your seperate ways. By transitioning, you'll be authentic, but you might not be who she wants. She's going to need to come to terms with that, and realise that even though you're going to change physically, you'll still be you. She's going to need to decide whether or not she can handle that.

Wishing you all the best! (*hug*)

 

@ Nick07: I believe Emma means all the years pretending to be cisgender. Once you let yourself out, it's very difficult to put it back under wraps. I had to go into town earlier today presenting as male, and I hated it.

 

But she said she had started to identify as trans in October if I am not mistaken. She could have been confused before but I would not call that living her life for the others. She married, had kids, willingly. I don't mean it badly but I don't quite understand it.
Which is my problem not Emma's, but maybe thinking about the reason why she put it that way, helps her to get closer to realizing what exactly it is that she wants.

 

it maybe she is setting herself up nicely for when / if you go your separate ways. it kinda also sounds like maybe all these needs she has is a way to stop you from becoming who you are and leaving her.

 

@ Nick07: Just because you start to identify as trans and takes some steps toward yourself doesn't mean you aren't still holding back. When people still treat you as the wrong gender, it represses some of who you are. After so long pretending to be cisgender, it can be frustrating (at the least) to still go about and have to deal with others' reactions when they don't see your true gender. It brings back some of the dysphoria, some of the lie you've been living. This is one of the reasons why HRT is so sought after. It not only makes you more comfortable with yourself, but also helps to change others' perceptions of you. You have no idea how happy I am when someone on this forum says "girl", "ma'am", or "miss" to me. It really does make a difference. Of course, I may have misunderstood. If that's the case, Miss Emma can correct me and put it in her own words. In the meantime, I'll just drop it for now. This has gotten slightly off topic :lol:

 

So I guess you did mean "since October".

I don't mean the following as an attack, and you don't need to defend yourself. Just another point of view.

Who was the decision maker in your family?

If your wife wanted four kids, she was probably happy to stay at home and wanted you to be a provider and the decision maker.

Right now though, she probably feels that you won't be the provider anymore, and - maybe - she just like me sees that you struggle with making the decision.

From what I have read from you, it seems like a chain that doesn't fit together: I am a woman, my wife is not a lesbian, I don't want a divorce, I want HRT. Maybe. I don't know if I can stay married and take HRT and legally change my gender. But I am a woman.

If this is the case and your wife feels this way, I am not surprised that she tries to be the decision maker. She already offered you a divorce. Maybe she feels that you are not sure what you want, and that is the reason why she wants to move.
Or maybe she feels that you will leave anyway, so she wants to have a better place for her and the kids.

I am not sure how you want to transition and stay in the marriage with a straight woman. Maybe she sees the problem too.
Again, just another point of view, ok?