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The problem with gender neutral names...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by FightingShadows, Feb 25, 2014.

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  1. FightingShadows

    FightingShadows
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    ...is when little old ladies ask if it's a shortening of the female name.
    I work in retail and my nametag says Alex. And, I'm proud to say not many, but there have been a few instances where some old lady will come up to me and go, "Alex, is that short for Alex...andra?" They usually sound unsure on the last part because I pass about 50/50. But it's enough to get me all riled up and anxious so I stand there like, "Uh, um, er..." and in that short few seconds I think, "Should I tell her it's actually Alexander that way she feels horrible for misgendering me? But obviously I don't pass to her so what if she starts arguing with me about my gender? I wish I could get over this and just be like, "Listen, bitch..." (not really!) But just say that actually Alex is a shortening for the male name. I don't know why I get all nervous about it. In my head, I feel like I could do it no problem, but when it actually happens then I become a stuttering awkward mess.
    So, to my trans brothers and sisters who've chosen gender neutral names, has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt like this? How did you get over it?
     
    #1 FightingShadows, Feb 25, 2014
  2. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    "No ma'am. Its just plain old Alex :slight_smile:" Then move on from there by asking a work related question e.g. Would you like any extra bags? Anything else i can help you with? Have a nice day! ETC

    Or you could be more confrontational but its up to you really :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Robert, Feb 25, 2014
  3. Nick07

    Nick07
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    What Robert said would probably be ideal :slight_smile:

    Btw. does it feel better to have a gender neutral name, or it is equally frustrating as having the "wrong gender name"? Because you are never sure how the people read it (and "feel" it) anyway?
     
    #3 Nick07, Feb 25, 2014
  4. Tayb24

    Tayb24
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    Sorry, I have a gender neutral name of Taylor, but it's kind of just the full name of it, it's not short for anythings. I might have a better idea if I went by Tay or something
     
    #4 Tayb24, Feb 26, 2014
  5. BradThePug

    BradThePug
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    I have had people ask if Brad is somehow a shorter female name. It's a little bit funny.. I usually just respond by saying that it's short for Bradley..
     
    #5 BradThePug, Feb 26, 2014
  6. Kasey

    Kasey
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    I have no idea about the concept of gender neutral names...:dry:

    Nevermind. In all seriousness I was born with this name. Gender neutral from the beginning.
     
    #6 Kasey, Feb 26, 2014
  7. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    I'm going by my initials for now. DJ. For me it has feminine connotations (DJ Tanner from "Full House.") But people ask if my name is David. That's my Dad's name. I say DJ as in Donna Jean. Gets looks, but DJ is less questioned than Emma would be in my present form. Plus I've gone by my initials before.
     
    #7 Miss Emma, Feb 26, 2014
  8. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    My name is Robin and until now everybody says it's an androgynous name, but it's also true that nobody call me "Rob" or similar shot versions otherwise it could be possible anyone could ask me if "Rob" is a short version of a name.
     
    #8 FireSmoke, Feb 26, 2014
  9. alex3191

    alex3191
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    I never thought of this before. I've been thinking of legally changing my name to Alex I never considered it could cause an awkward situation, maybe when they ask what its short for just say it isn't short for anything its just Alex.
     
    #9 alex3191, Feb 26, 2014
  10. justjade

    justjade
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    I was born with a gender neutral name, which unfortunately is mostly attributed to girls. I always tell people it's a unisex name, and they always tell me, "Jade is not a guy's name. It's for girls." Then I tell them about Jade Puget from AFI, and they still don't believe me. It sucks because, just based on my name, I get misgendered a lot.
     
    #10 justjade, Feb 26, 2014
  11. FightingShadows

    FightingShadows
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    It's weird. Being at work and being out somewhere else is totally different. At work, customer's, either by knowing me before I identified as trans, or those who have seen me in the girl's bathroom (which I still use because 1. Not everyone at work knows I'm trans 2. I don't want to run into one of the guys from work who don't know and ask what I'm doing in there) they instantly peg me as female. Which sucks, but hey...
    And being out somewhere I get read as male until I show my I.D and get strange looks and they give me about a thousand glances. It's funny but at the same time kind of embarrassing. I don't mind the name I've chosen. I'm used to it, I like it. I just wish customer's at work didn't assume it was the female version.
     
    #11 FightingShadows, Feb 26, 2014
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