I've been toying with the idea of being a woman for quite a while now- whenever I think about it, it seems like a wonderful life, but then, I only feel that way about being a natural born woman. I try to ignore these feelings as much as possible. Being a transgender, on the other hand, seems like a very difficult life, and most of the time I dismiss it as a sacrifice I'm not willing to make. By the time I would consider an operation, in theory, I feel like my prime years of being a young pretty girl would be over anyway. If I were to break it down to percentages...... maybe 30-40% of me feels like a man, and 60-70% feels like a woman? I'm very emotionally sensitive. For the first time today, I thought about what it would be like to have breasts in a bra....it felt good, but uncomfortable. Thoughts like this scare me. I suppose my biggest fear is that these thoughts will amplify, I feel like my desire to be a woman has increased while I've gotten older, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I truly hope that these thoughts stand still, and don't become any more serious. I usually have a desire to dress in women's clothing almost every day, but never actually do it, because I live with parents who I refuse to tell....they might do something stupid like kick me out of the house. I just sexually fantasize about wearing pretty dresses a lot....and I feel like if I got to wear them to work every day, it wouldn't really feel like work- I'd feel as free as a bird. And yet, I'm pretty comfortable in my body, just not the way society perceives it. I don't wish to change. So basically, I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings and how to manage them. I'm basically at the stand still between not really enjoying myself and not being willing to take the leap to an operation. I feel like I'd have been happier if I were born a girl, but I'm not really willing to change my body to become one....so what should I do?
"not being willing to take the leap to an operation." Start by forgetting about operations. The various surgeries you can have are obviously massive things personally, but account for a really small part of most peoples individual transitions. A lot don't ever have surgery. It's not something you need to be thinking about right now, because to start off with right now you wouldn't want it anyway and if nothing else even if you DID you wouldn't be having it any time soon. Aside from that I guess it depends. You've used one phrase that sticks to me. " I'd feel as free as a bird. " This is exactly how I felt when I was questioning. I would walk down the road in the sunshine, close my eyes and think about doing that wearing a skirt. Now I've done that and it actually did live up to my expectations. Basically you have a choice three choices. 1. You can repress it and hope it goes away - I say this only because you 'could' do it, not because it's a good idea 2. You can ignore it and hope the feelings don't get any stronger - but what if they do? 3. You can experiment in whatever way you feel you need to "I feel like I'd have been happier if I were born a girl, but I'm not really willing to change my body to become one" Then don't. You don't have to change your body to be female. I'm female and my body is unfortunately still entirely male. There are plenty of people who will never change their physical bodies but are still very much the gender they say they are.
I think if I were a guy, I'd feel the way you do. I sometimes imagine if something happened to magically turn me physically male. I'd still feel like a woman, and I wouldn't like having male genitalia, but I doubt I'd be willing to go through transitioning.
This is not strange and is exactly how I feel. If I magically woke up as a female the next morning that wouldn't bother me... I don't want to transition either but I know exactly what people are saying.
