Is it common to change your mind about being transgendered?

I don't know how common it is, but figuring out who you are can be difficult, and especially when you put a label on it, so I'm certain it happens. There are a few people I've seen who identified as genderqueer, only to later realise they're transgender. Or something like that. So it can easily go the other way. As people figure themselves out, certain labels they put on themselves might feel less apt.

 

I can actually relate to this a bit.

In my personal experience, I used to believe I was transgendered as a child (Was about 13-14). I used to feel ashamed of being a guy and got anxious whenever I had to do something masculine or manly (such as use the male restroom or wear a male swimsuit. And I absolutely hated the thought of wearing tuxedos). I figured that I was asexual as well, since I never felt any attraction to females (I was unaware of my attraction to men at that point).

And then as soon as I came to terms with my sexuality during Freshman year of high school I stopped thinking about transitioning to a female. It didn't really occur to me anymore. I've just sort of been content with being a male. I've sort of embraced my masculinity and don't really mind it anymore.

I still wonder about my past transgendered ways. I would think that real transgendered people wouldn't stop having these thoughts. But I did. So it makes me wonder if I really am a cisgendered male. Because currently, I have no desire to be a female and I am perfectly fine being a male.

 

I am afraid that there is no such thing as "real transgendered people". You feel certain way, over the years your feelings can change but it doesn't make you a real cis or a real trans. You are simply a person who at the moment feels certain way.

I wish we could throw all labels into the wind. Sometimes I think, reading this forum, that it would make the life easier for many people.

 

I feel transgendered sometimes but it may be more gender fluid. It's just a word. I'm usually presenting as a male due to job and other issues but other times I'm presenting female. This desire to adopt feminine qualities does not negate my masculinity nor do I hate being male actually. I used to think how awesome transitioning would be but it just isn't worth it when I'm more concerned with the female visual appearance externally while maintaining a male mentality.

Tldr = it is what it is. You are who you are. You aren't a label. Self discovery takes a life time. People change.

 

Oh. Well if I offended you I didn't mean to.

By "real transgendered" people I mostly just meant people who are still "feeling that way". Perhaps I definitely did word it wrong.

Anyway, I mostly just wanted to offer my own personal experience with it. Take what you will with it.

 

No, not at all In fact it looked like it was you who was not happy about that

 

Oh okay! Glad to see everything's fine. :icon_bigg

I guess what you meant was that I shouldn't worry about labeling myself and just go with the flow.

 

It can happen and does happen, but I don't know how common it is. That's one of the reasons people who identify as transgender are encouraged to seek out a gender therapist. It can help people put things in perspective and get down to the root of their feelings.

 

I'm not sure how common or uncommon it is, though the most common reasons for those who detransition either involve dealing with negative influences from society, being "just" a cross dresser, gender-variant male/female, or non-binary transgender. I'll stay optimistic though, and say that most people who do the research, identify with the label, and take steps towards transitioning are probably closer to the truth than not.

Honestly, there's a lot of grey area between gender, much like sexuality, and if we were to take everyone and anyone who bended gender in some way, shape, or form, we'd probably have a lot more than expected, even from the cishets. Being transgender is more than just how we look, act, or feel... it's a state of being, honestly, and very difficult to explain to those who aren't. Sometimes you know something from the bottom of your heart, and when I first looked into "genderqueer" it just felt right, resulting in one of those famous "Aha!" moments. A lot of the issues involving my sexuality, for example, came from approaching them from a man's perspective, which felt so off, but at the time, they were the only options available to my knowledge.

And yes, perspective and context can and does change throughout a person's lifetime: they can think they're one thing for years, only to decide they're something else later, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just try to keep in mind that you are still you, regardless, and not get too hung up on labels, boxes, and such.

 

I would think it's normal to change your mind about being transgendered, especially considering the word 'trans' means 'changing,' I guess it means you can be whatever you are as you go along?

 

As the buddhists say, the only thing constant is change.

I don't know how many times I've changed my gender marker just since I came to EC in January. I've gone from femme androgyne to "feminine side of genderqueer" to trans girl ... Tomboyish demigirl was in the mix. I'm not sure what all that means, but it seems like I could be all of those. All I do know is this; my feelings are DEFINITELY in the female/feminine end of things, and enough so that I feel need to hormonally transition (undecided about surgical transition at this point) in order to match up my physical appearance with KY internal sense of who I am.

 

The sad part is that people detransitioning are already excluded from the rest of the world for identifying as trans, and then when they detransition they get excluded form the trans community too. Can't imagine how difficult that must be.

 

It's concerns like the few Chip raised and others, that I think inspired the World Professional Association for Transgender Health to take over the Standards of Care, and for the Standards of Care to be created.

Some of the suggestions Chip raised which are actually done, like a year of psychotherapy for instance, have unintended consequences for everyone whether they detransition eventually or not. In countries such as Thailand, all transsexual people are labeled insane, and can't get any professional work. In other words, you can't transition, and then work as a teacher, or a doctor, or a computer programmer, no matter how capable and rational you actually are.

Psychotherapy should also be used to accomplish something. Theraphy is supposed to help people come to terms with who they are. A therapist could be an awesome resource as far as helping someone through transition, coming out to family, etc. But if you put them in a position where they are just screening people, then that conflicts with their role as a caretaker.

And then you have to ask, how do you tell if someone is "really sure" ? It is true that the wrong hormones cause things like suicidal ideation a few weeks in, months and months before any irreversable symptoms occur, in most people. But sometimes they don't. And some people have health conditions that are incompatible with HRT, like blood clots. So while hormones themselves help, we're stuck finding other ways to try to predict in advance whether or not someone will want to detransition in the future.

Some of the ways we try to predict have historically been really terrible. People used to use things like sexual orientation, sexual attractiveness pre-hormones, and conformance to gender stereotypes of people trained in the wrong gender role, to try to guess what people would do in the future. And sometimes still do.

It can also be argued you are holding transsexual people to a higher standard of mental health, and giving them less agency as far as making their decisions and living with the consequences, as you are cis-gendered people.

It is true that being trans, just like being gay, can lead to mental health problems due to the stress living in a cis-normative, hetero-normative world can cause. Or to put it plainly, being trans or gay is hard when the people around you don't accept you, and growing up in a bad situation can drive just about anyone into therapy.

However, trans and gay people are usually smart, successful, trustworthy, and competent. Dealing with your trans issues doesn't make you crazy any more than dealing with a broken leg makes you crazy.

The compromises in the 7th edition Standards of Care are actually really good as far as both preventing people from needing to detransition later, and making sure people that need it and are sure of who they are get the care that fits them. The new definition of "real life experience" is a lot more compassionate and realistic, for instance. There are still several safeguards against people making a mistake or doing things for the wrong reasons. And I think those safeguards are really important. I remember a story about someone in Europe that committed suicide because he transitioned primarily to win his mother's approval (which was not given), for instance.

But I really think, that people that detransition, much like intersex people in these things, are brought up for political reasons. The fact is that a person who transitions twice is still a person with their own unique needs, and what's good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.

As far as what we can do as a community, the two best things are

* making sure people that detransition have just as much support from the trans community as people transitioning the first time,

* making sure that "transition" is not a "package deal", and that people can pick and choose the care that is most appropriate to them, which may or may not include HRT

The second one is really, really important, because not all trans people are transsexual. Care for a genderqueer person who would do better mentally on one hormone than the other, for instance, is in its infancy, and does not exist most parts of the world.

If I were to draw a line personally as far as medical help goes, I would really treat it more like a disability. If your condition is getting in the way of your life significantly, then I think treating it with hormones is appropriate. I can't, for instance, have a fulfilling sexual and romantic relationship with anyone at all right now, but my transition is changing that. Since starting HRT I am able to pursue some of my life goals that were previously impossible. And I can interact socially with people face-to-face. Transitioning is improving my life. It comes with its challenges, but they have been worth it to me.

If it wouldn't help you overcome any handicaps or improve your life, I don't think medical help is appropriate in those cases. I don't think someone has to get medical help for me to treat them like a woman or a man. And I think that is really the place the modern Standards of Care start from.

 

For the longest time i thought i was transgendered. and maybe i still am. but after talking to some people on here and reading advice columns, i realized that i do enjoy being a man. sometimes. I still mainly go female or at least an extremely feminine guy. but ive kind of more consider myself genderfluid? at this point. but when im a guy ive still been mistaken for a girl a couple times lol. so it works for me.