Male/Female/Something Else. Gender Identity Help

I am so confused. I have literally been fighting with myself about this for ages and I'm getting to the point where I just can't take it anymore. About a year ago I went through a period where I knew I was trans* I wanted nothing more then to be a man and I was growing more and more depressed about my biologically female body. It was getting to the point where my grades were suffering and I, when I wasn't overcome by depression, was worrying about myself.

I eventually reached a point where it didn't matter. I talked to a therapist and she was no help, thinking that I was just a lesbian who was in love with her teacher. I really have no idea where that idea came from and it still freaks me out a little. I talked gender and sexuality with my friends. I got better. Eventually, I pushed away all thoughts of gender and it became a non-issue. I could function again and I thought maybe I wasn't trans* that maybe I was just suffering from some body issues. This year, I've gotten very active in my schools GSA and sometimes it will come back. I'll notice something about myself that doesn't quite fit. I'll find myself getting upset again when I think about gender for too long and I can't take it again.

I'm stuck in this area, not sure what I'm supposed to be. Sometimes I'm just fine being female, I can rock it like it's no one's business. Other times I can hardly stand to shower or look at myself in a mirror because everything looks wrong. This is getting both very frustrating and almost frightening, I don't know what to do. Is there anyone out there that can help? Even just maybe sending me in the right direction?

 

Thanks for the help. I've started looking through some of the stuff from PFLAG and some of it looks helpful. I'm not sure what to do about the therapist. I don't have insurance, and I really don't want to go back to the counselor here on campus, she was not helpful at all.

I'm just not sure what the next step is you know? I've got so much going on right now and I'm worried I'll start floating off again. I wish I lived in the city, because then I could go to the Equality Center and get physical help but that's not an option.

Also my boss is the advisor for the GSA so I'm stuck and unsure of where I can get help.Gah. I just don't know what to do.

 

I didn't really set it aside, I basically forced myself to stop thinking about it to just deal with being female for a while. I was getting too depressed not too. :/ Thanks Miiaaaaa.