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I've FINALLY got it figured out!!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Miss Emma, Mar 6, 2014.

  1. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    I know I've written rather extensively about my gender expression and need for HRT. Well, I've finally concluded that, although I identify more accurately on the female end of the spectrum, the (learned?) Masculine traits I've got are still part of who I am. Hence (and this saved my marriage!) I'll not be seeking out medical or surgical transition. My wife is 100% validating of who I am and even treats me like a woman, albeit a woman with a male anatomy.

    See, being as I'm also bipolar,I had it in my head that since I'm so much more female,I must also go all out and transition to match up with myself internally. Not necessarily. I may go out totally en femme, but for me, transition is not needed. Not really desirable, come to find out. I can just be me and let my body be. It doesn't confine, not define, who I am. So I'm just me.

    So much simpler ... Thank goodness for therapy!(!)
     
  2. Kasey

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    So there was some truth to it when I noticed that you DID still embrace your male side somewhat...

    I WAS right huh?
     
    #2 Kasey, Mar 6, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2014
  3. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    Alright Kasey. I'll concede ... I'd like to remind you, however, that I had said that I didn't know if it was any masculine traits, or if it was just me being a parent. That being said you WERE more right than I thought at that point in time. I simply had to get over the bipolar way of viewing the transgendered part of myself.
     
  4. Kasey

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    You know I have always wondered the same thing about myself. How much of it is bipolar that make me want to express feminine? I've noticed personally it's when I've been under stress as a male and I want to be different.

    I asked if there was any correlation between bipolar and gender identity to my psychiatrist. He said there were like at least 5 papers he could cite that correlated the two while another 5 that said there was no correlation.

    So that statement was interesting. However, in the grand scheme of things, it's just one aspect of ones gender identity (if it has any affect on it at all).

    My other point is that it was nice to hear you figure it out. Everyone takes time to "figure it out" and even then you can still change your mind as time comes.

    It's not what you are as much as who you are that matters.
     
  5. BookDragon

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    This is one of the first genuinely 'happy' posts I've seen you make in a long time Emma, I'm so pleased for you!!
     
  6. Nick07

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    Big congratulations! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    Thank you, Holly. And Nick, thanks! Life is so much better just having myself figured out ... No expectations, just being me. Thanks for not judging for my previous insistence.
     
  8. Kasey

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    Being you is all that matters. Screw labels.
     
  9. Nick07

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    It's probably the first of many future inner fights. Which is OK. Set your priorities and stick to them :slight_smile:
     
  10. Hi Miss Emma,
    I'm glad that you figured things out =)
    I'm just a bit curious on one thing; how did you figure out that your bipolarism was confusing you as opposed to how you really felt?
     
  11. Kasey

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    It's not just that which makes a person but confuses the issue. I was the same way as Emma. It takes time to sort feelings out. And even then who says she will not change her mind?
     
  12. femivir

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    Congratulations, Miss Emma!

    What you say about being a woman with masculine traits leads me to think about all the biological women who are very happy to call themselves female and also happy to call themselves "tomboys". I know that what you are saying is not really the same thing, but the two strike me as having something in common. If a biological woman can be comfortable acknowledging masculine characteristics in herself, why not a trans woman as well? :slight_smile:
     
  13. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    My partner said that I'm a very introspective person. She says that I'm Bette able to look back at past incidents in my life and make sense of them, fix them of need be. My dive under the transgender umbrella head first initially made sense (and continues to) of my childhood. However, being as i am also bipolar, I hyper focused on that, and proceeded with the polar opposite of what I'd done trying to pass as cismale (however, I didn't realize the fact then, nor did I as I found myself trans*). But being introspective, and with my therapist (and all you fabulous rainbow people here at EC!) to point out different things, I managed to put it together. OOOH yeah, my doctor also said things could go awry as my meds leveled my moods out as I'd think I was ok and not bipolar after all ... I remembered that as well. But thank you all!(&&&)
     
  14. Miiaaaaa

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    Congratulations!! :grin: :grin: :grin: <3