I know I've posted before about ftm clothing. This is something I've just realised and need to write down...quick! I'm find that knowing where to start when it comes to buying a whole new wardrobe as a pre-op and hormone transsexual is difficult. Passing is important, though not so much at the moment because I don't believe I will pass until I have been taking hormones for some time. What is more important to me at the moment I guess is finding out what type of male clothes I feel comfortable with, especially as transitioning is about being you you want to be. I know there are some clothes I wouldn't wear, even though I might like the look of them because I don't have the right body for them so that would make me dysphoric. My main priority is to wear clothes I like the look of and that make me feel comfortable but don't cause me dysphoria because they make me anxious about my bum or hips or something. Since realising I was trans, I have begun to see clothes that men are wearing and think how I would want to dress like them. For a while I was kind of unsure whether this was genuinely about wanting to look like that or whether I was slightly bisexual but I have been observing how I feel when I see a guy whose outfit I like and I realise now that I'm not attracted to them. I just like their style of clothing. Now two things about this are causing me concern. Firstly, it turns out that the majority of these men whose 'outfit' I admire turn out to be gay (You can see why this led me to question my sexual orientation!). Secondly, although I see a guy wearing an item of clothing or even an entire outfit that I see and my instant reaction seems to be 'I would want to dress like that', I'm not really sure that I believe this because when I actually think about wearing these clothes myself, it makes me feel uneasy and dysphoric. I know part of this is because choosing clothing that matches and creates 'outfits' (as I automatically seem to do) seems too much of a feminine thing and is how I used to be as a woman. I suppose I'm wondering how I choose clothes I like when this actually gives me dysphoria!!! Do I need to change the way I approach buying clothes to make myself less style conscious or is this something I will get more comfortable with as I transition????
The problem with starting from scratch is that you have no point of reference. You don't have anything you can base your clothing on. Back when I wore mens clothes, I owned about 4 pairs of identical trousers. Plain black cargo trousers. That meant that everything I was likely to buy was going to be worn with those. I realise I'm not the best example, because I could have and would have worn almost anything whether it suited me or went well together or not but the point is, I had the makings of a functioning wardrobe. So at the moment you've got nothing. You can't buy a shirt to go with your existing clothes because you don't have any. You also can't buy say, the distressed jeans you like and the nice dress shirt because those things don't work together (unless you really don't give a damn!). So at the moment you are stuck buying things that will work together. Once you have a couple of pairs of trousers, or a couple of t-shirts/shirts you will probably find that instead of needed to construct outfits, you'll be able to go to the shop and just think 'Yeah I could wear that', because you already know what your clothes look like on you.
Dude - are you saying only lady types want to look good when they get dressed in the morning? :lol: I understand where you're coming from, because a lot of guys really don't seem to give a shit what they put on. I mean, how often do you see this? *shudder* There's more than well-dressed and slobby though. You don't have to be one or the other. Why not start basic? You are trying to pull together a whole new wardrobe, after all, and if you get basics in your closet, you can worry about the other styles you like later with less hassle. When I started pulling my wardrobe together, I opted for black denim and plain tshirts from pacsun - they seem to fit better than the shirts at a lot of other shops, and I'm pretty small so finding shirts that don't swallow me is always a miracle. They also seem to be softer than a lot of other tshirts and I am particular about texture. A lot of the shirts I grabbed have stripes, or pockets, or v-necks, or some other little things that make them altogether more interesting than a plain black or white tshirt. I usually avoid printed t's because, even binding, my curves distort the graphics and make the body I'm hiding more obvious. Look for pants that you like the fit of. I find that loose pants tend to emphasize my butt and thighs and make them look way big, so I look for denim that's cut closer. When you find pants you like, grab several pairs. If you can pull any shirt and any pair of pants out of your closet and have them look alright together, it's a good start.
Thanks Holly and clockworkfox. I still can't work out what this dysphoric feeling is about that I get when I think about style and being a guy.
Dressing for what? Everything? Go with the practical and worry about style later. It should come naturally to you with time. If you want to pass as straight, I might not be the best to ask! I gave up. I'm wearing typically masculine clothes, so it must be my looks. I've never wore jeans, my knowledge of them... lacking. I recognise most men's clothing though. What I see the most on young men? Superdry jackets, blue jeans, and sports (Nike for example) trainers. My older guy friends are fond of Timberland jackets, blue jeans, and Caterpillar trainers. Black is a good conservative colour. Dark blue is also great. Says the guy that wears a lot of white lol. I've got work jackets, black combat trousers, and steel toecap trainers. That's my 'smart'. My 'casual' is... I don't even know where to begin! It varies a lot. When I came out as ftm age 17 I threw out all my old clothes. I'm 36 - 27 - 34. I like jackets that don't make me look as skinny as I am. Most guys don't have a waist as thin as this. I don't have to pack with combat trousers, they're a little baggy. Don't buy kid clothes unless you know the brand very well.
Well I imagine part of it is an extension of something you touched upon earlier. Obviously the clothes you want were not designed with your body in mind, so part of you is always going to worry if it actually looks right. On top of that you have the same problem I have, that lack of experience is going to make you feel bad. I mean if you look at the clothes I have, I bought them because they look good on somebody else and they looked pretty. BUT do they look any good on me? I have no idea. I don't know what combinations work, I don't know what styles flatter or whatever, because I never needed to. Now I can easily sit here and say that finding mens clothes is pretty easy, and it is, BUT it's only easy because I've done it for so long. As fox said, there IS some thought that goes into it even if I don't consciously register it any more. So I would think a big part of that dysphoric feeling is going to come from there. You are having to put lots of effort in that other men just take for granted and it will take time to get over that.
Yeah, think part of it could be that as a trans guy, it won't hang the same way? I know there's loads of times I browse men's fashions and I think "oh, that looks nice, I'd wear that shit" but then realize "oh, it's not designed for people with huge fucking hips". I actually have to admit, I've felt the same thing about fashion at times, that it's not "manly". Sure, stereotypically guys aren't the fashionable gender but fashionable (heterosexual) men exist. And if being stylish/put together's the goal, you want to know what other guys are wearing. I find that I actually put more effort into my clothes as a guy than I ever did as a 'woman'. Because before, I'd really just throw on a feminine looking shirt and make sure my jeans smelled okay. Now it's like... "okay, well, I like how this shirt looks layered over my favorite t-shirt and I better make sure my jeans are dark enough to pull it off". Basically, you want to dress for what looks and feels good on you. I'm not that stylish or put together, I wear clothes that are pretty typical for the average guy in my area. T-shirts, jeans, an overshirt most of the time. And piece of advice, mate- I know loads of girls who love stylish men.
This is my problem. I wouldn't be surprised if it was yours too, anonym. It's finding the clothes that fit that's the issue - guy's clothes aren't really made for people with our proportions. There's gonna be a lot of trial and error in finding clothes that fit, so trying to look stylish seems like an enormous task.
Which, incidentally is why I've always preferred to buy bigger clothes, at least if you look like you're draped in excess fabric nobody really notices you protrude in places you ought not...
Yeah, key is to go big but not big enough that it looks like you're wearing a tent. Shirts, you can probably wear close to your actual size and they'll look fine especially if you layer and bind. Pants are probably the one thing, if anything, you want to go up a size or two with- if you don't pack, it'll disguise the fact and help give less emphasize to the hips.
Wow. A few things: First, it's not effeminate to care about your appearance. It's immature not to. Adults, men and women alike, understand that the way they present themselves affects the way the world perceives them. Consider this: every time you walk out of the house, you might meet someone you could have a relationship with, or who could offer you a job. Are you prepared to meet that person? If not, get your act together. Second, and deeply interconnected, You need to project confidence. There's something to be said for faking it until you make it. But don't get cocky. People, especially women, see through that. Understand that other people are thinking very little about you at all, and a great deal about themselves. People are nervous that others will like them. They're lonely. They're seeking external validation, just like you are. Here's the kicker; you're in a position of power when you decide to be the person who gives that validation, not the one who seeks it out. And give it liberally. Look people in the eye. Say hello to them. Open doors. Learn people's names. Third, as a trans man, especially prior to hormone therapy, the clothes you wear will affect your ability to "pass." That's just the way it is. Wear clothes that flatter you. If you think oversized, sloppy clothes will make you look more masculine, think again. They will make you look like a kid. Wear the smallest size that doesn't hug your body in unflattering places. Layer. Wear a button down, and button it to the widest point on your chest. You want to affect a V-shape, as much as possible. You want to obscure any lines that give you an hour glass, or worse, a pear shape. To this end, it's good to wear shirts that have a little stiffness to them. Think hard about working out. Emphasize chest and shoulder exercises. When you're building a men's wardrobe, it's best to avoid flashy, especially if you are not always passing yet. Opt for traditional basics. Always wear flat front pants, not pleats. Realize that chinos (often called khaki's, although really khaki is a color), are casual pants, and wear them accordingly. Your clothes should fit your lifestyle. If you work on cars, you wear stain resistant Dickies or Wranglers. If your workplace is dress casual, get some slacks in gray, maybe mix in a navy and a brown. Patterns are fine, and textures can be a pattern. Cotton is okay for warm weather, but unless you're in a hot climate, pick up some wool as well. For button downs, dark colors are for going out, not for the office. White is the most formal-and you should have a few white button downs-powder blue works too. If you're nineteen and you ride a bmx, get some henley's and a wallet with a chain on it. For jeans, consider a close cut (but not skinny) pair of dark Levi's. If Levi's don't flatter your body shape, keep looking until you find something that gives you the straightest line possible at the hips. Wearing a belt will also help with this. If you want to look put together all the time, the best investment is a good pair of shoes. That is, an unembelished pair of dress shoes. This means leather, from a moderate or high quality maker. Get black. If you can afford two pair, get brown as well. Get belts that match. You can wear these with anything from jeans to a business suit. If you buy a suit, buy the right size, and get it tailored. This is a substantial investment, and given the intimate nature of measurements for tailoring, you may want to do this after top surgery. Most guys buy their jackets too big (but you shouldn't). Make sure it fits the shoulders, and a good tailor can sort out the rest. It's not a bad idea to get yourself measured (have a friend do this if you're pre-op). If you can only buy one suit, gray is the best choice. It is the men's equivalent of the little black dress. Make sure you're packing something between your legs all the time. Don't go out of the house without. Pick up a soft packer online, and an easy way to keep it in place is to stitch some lightweight socks into the front of your briefs and slip it inside. I use women's ankle socks. Do some shopping. Try things on to experiment with what you like and what looks good on your body. Simply let go of this idea that only women care about their appearance, because there's no foundation to it. Unless you invest more than a modicum of effort into your wardrobe, you're not likely to be well dressed enough to be read as gay, but if you are, so what? Remember, gay men are men.
