Hi everyone, Well I wrote a whole long post in the welcome forum titled I'm an imposter, and I'd like to repeat it here, but think I probably shouldn't just cut and paste! So, I'll write a new one. I'm a mess. Finally broke it to my therapist on Thursday that I have wanted to be male as long as I can remember. She was very supportive of me. She is gay, and I'm not sure that is relevant but I think she seemed extraordinarily knowledgeable about this stuff. She even asked me if I wanted her to call me a different name that felt more like who I was. I said I would have to think about that, though secretly yes I do, just feel like that would make it that much more 'real.' But, I am not sure if I really am transgendered. Is it possible to feel like that way your whole life, and wish that you were the opposite sex, but then to start questioning whether you would actually be any good as the opposite sex? Like, maybe no matter what, even if I did everything all the way with transitioning, maybe I will never actually be masculine enough, either for myself or anyone else. I really don't think I will ever be masculine enough, and I will never be feminine enough to satisfy myself, or probably anyone else, so I will always be stuck between two worlds probably. So, that sucks big time. SO that is what I am struggling with right now. I can't even think about what I am going to do about who I am, or coming out, or what needs to be done, or whatever, I can't think about anything except the fact that I'm not man enough to be a man, so I should just try to stop thinking about all of this and shove it down again like I keep having to do for the past 36 years. But of course, that never works all the time. :bang: Thanks for reading.
here is a good bit of info,if you see yourself as male you are male. male does not mean masculine and female does not equal femmine
Yes, it is possible for you to feel this trans your whole life, yet still question. I remember having trans feelings throughout my childhood, but when I started to go through puberty, I tried to be more feminine, since I felt that I had no choice. Transitioning (even if it is just a social transition) is a big deal. So, it's normal to be nervous about it. I would be more concerned if you were not concerned about it. Do you have a male name that you would like to go by? You could always try going by it on here first to see how it feels to you. Congrats on telling your therapist! That's a bit step! I'm glad to hear that she is accepting and seems to know a lot about the topic. How masculine you are does not matter. If you see yourself as male, then you are male. Sometimes, people run into that concept of "not trans enough". Well, that's total BS. You just have to find an identity that you are comfortable with. I know that one thing that helped me when I was questioning was to "try on" an identity for a day. I would think of myself being that identity, and ask those that were close to me to refer to me as that identity for a day (I would try using gender neutral pronouns, male pronouns and male pronouns). Even if you cannot do this with people in your offline life, you could try it here and see how that feels.
There is no such thing as trans enough. That is a very true fact, that I wasn't really sure about either until recently. I am a boy. I feel like a boy, and feel happy when I look like a boy, but I am sitting here typing this right now in a ton of costume make-up that makes me look like the sex I was born as. I am okay with that too. I feel beautiful and happy right now, even though I don't look exactly like the typical person with my gender. There are plenty of people who don't totally transition or don't do it at all. Even I don't know if I ever want to go farther than hormones and top surgery, and me wanting those to things doesn't mean it won't change in the future. Dsyphoria or wanting to look/act/present a certain way is not at all what makes someone trans. It's the choice to identify as trans that makes you trans. Besides, being masculine isn't what makes you a boy either. I know plenty of not very masuline people who are still guys. Me included. Don't ever tell yourself you aren't man enough. Just be man enough for you. Whatever that level might be. I do not let others desgin of a trans person dictate who I am, and you shouldn't either. Identify as whoever you are, and be proud of it. Because everyone has worth, no matter what you are or arent or might become.
You must never ask whether you are to feminine or masculine those do not matter no mater what gender you are. If you feel you are a man than you are don't go by what the majority of society says is too masculine or feminine and how being more of either makes you a man or woman. its all up to you and who YOU believe you are and were meant to be. Hope that helps some, ThePhoenix
Your gender identity is yours to own...you do not have to meet a stringent list of "male" stereotypes to accept yourself as male if that is how you feel you best identify. Hope that makes sense. I just want you to feel free to express your gender without comparing it to "measure up."
Man, you guys are so awesome! What wonderful support and advice. I am glad to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with how masculine I have to be. The idea about not being 'trans enough' is definitely what I have fallen into. I just don't want to transition my body to a male, but then not look enough like a man and then I am in the same boat as I am now, unhappy with my body and not being able to live out my life in the gender I feel I am... I guess I didn't ever think of it the way you guys are saying it, that I don't have to conform to societal stereotypes or demands about what is masculine and feminine, that I could just be me, even if that means I am not some kind of cocky, jocky, male, but that I can be the male that I am! That's awesome. (still don't know if I am all the way to the point of feeling totally okay about it, but it really so helps to hear that!). I guess I do get bound up in the trap of wanting to be male so badly, that I am afraid to try to be a male on the outside or let people know about who I am, which may not make any sense, but it is just the way I feel right now. :-( There is a male name I have always wanted to be called, ever since I was 5! If I ever do transition, my name would be Elliot. So, yeah, if you would like you could definitely call me Elliot. ~Thanks
Nice to meet you, Elliot Btw. how come you don't have any of those gorgeous fractals as your avatar? lol
Hi Nick07, Hi. The lack of fractals has been corrected! I actually had one someplace on here, but not in the avatar or the signature...hmm...
There is a whole Spectrum of man, excuse my labels here lol From "Nerd" to "Macho" you don't need to know how to fix a car, computer, or fight a bear to be a man, It is more of a mentality and how you carry yourself. If you feel like a man that is enough to be a man =)
Man enough for who? You? Your partner? Your family? Society at large? Man in which ways? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally? There is no one size fits all, it's about doing what feels comfortable and comes natural to you. Every young guy struggles with these issues, honestly, admiring the machos and the alphas, goes through a "jerk phrase" and wants to grow up to be like their role model, whether it be a super hero or their father. For better or for worse, you *will* have to re-adjust your perceptions, behaviors, and thoughts to some degree if you're to live as a man after doing the opposite during your life up until now, but really, is that such a bad thing? If anything, it'll make you a more well-rounded individual who can help bridge the gender gap between members of both sexes. I don't think it's fair that transsexuals feel extra pressure to conform to gender stereotypes and roles, and something a cis man or woman could get away with don't apply to them, but this is also an unfortunate fact... just try to find a balance between what you want, and what society expects, and you should do just fine. You have my support.
Being a "man" or "woman" as it were does describe gender and sex... but everyone here said something I won't bother repeating. I will however say it this way. A man or a woman is a responsible and caring person who takes care of their loved ones and friends and tries to better the world. Even if in a small way. Everyone thinks a man has to be a big Heman macho beer slamming broski or a woman has to be sensitive and concerned with makeup and pretty things. That's just bs societal gender stereotyping. So don't buy into that. However if that's you, then be you, but don't just do it "because".
Sometimes you gotta put your own spin on what being "man enough is" and know it's okay to not "conform" to cookie cutters.
This sounds a lot like the worries I have. I know I'm a effeminate guy and worry that people might make comments along the lines of "Should've just stayed a girl" :/
