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Being feminine to feel attractive?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by justjade, Mar 9, 2014.

  1. justjade

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    I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I first meet a cute guy, I start acting very feminine. This also happens in relationships. When I start dating a guy, I act feminine, wear dresses, all that. I think I do it to feel more attractive to the other person. However, as time progresses, I start being more masculine, more like me, again. I don't like the fact that I change so much. I don't like the way it makes me feel. I feel like I'm lying by initially acting feminine. It's upsetting, and I'd really like to avoid this. When I'm first dating someone, I start thinking that maybe being a girl wouldn't be so bad, and I start to miss skirts, dresses, and generally cute clothes. However, I always end up reverting to my masculine self in the end. It sucks! I wish I didn't change so much!

    Any advice? Does anyone else have this happen to them? If so, how do you deal with it?

    Thanks for reading, guys.
     
  2. CharlieHK

    CharlieHK Guest

    No, I've done that. I over compensate because the only way I feel I can find a mate is to play on the looks I naturally have.

    With my current relationship I did that, i was girly girl, "he" was manly man. And then we kinda fell into more relaxed roles after becoming more comfortable.

    I think that's what it is, you have to be comfortable to be who you really are.
     
  3. justjade

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    I hope that's what it is. There's just this cute guy at work, and my speech patterns and posture have both become more feminine as a result. It's aggravating. I'm married. I wish I knew why I acted like this.
     
  4. beloved

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    I do the same thing. That's actually the only time I feel feminine because I like the attention it gets despite feeling fake. It really sucks and it's an aspect of myself that I really dislike.
     
  5. Miss Emma

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    I can't say as though I have (the reverse) happen. I might be polite and, say, let a cute lady go first, or hold the door for her. But that's just politeness, not because she's cute as I holds doors anyways.

    My reversion to masculine behaviour comes from working in a factory setting. I'm not overly masculine, but I start talking more crudely. Making gestures (not sexually but in disgust about the old machines I have to operate). No, outside of work I tend to carry a small purse, wear my girly clothes (but no full-on crossdress). I walk more feminine, hold stances and flimsy wrists, have a different tone of voice when I'm not shouting to be heard over earplugss
     
  6. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yup. I can relate.

    I either act feminine or really stupidly macho. It's not really anywhere in-between unless I hit it off and then I'm trying too hard to be clever and insightful.

    And even without being attracted to anyone- I still slip up anyway. Like in a writing class I was taking, I'd spent the whole term basically trying to prove that I was male, that I wanted male pronouns. Was getting misgendered by basically anyone who heard me speak. Didn't fucking matter how many times I corrected people either.

    Last day of class? We're having a class debate and my group foists me up as the guy who's going to argue the case.

    I'm doing okay but then, fucking giggle. I giggled like some 10 year old girl.

    So...yeah.
     
  7. Kasey

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    I'm the total opposite (in terms of gender roles) but I 110% hear you. Know EXACTLY what you mean.
     
  8. BradThePug

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    I do this with anybody that I am attracted to. I end up acting really feminine or really macho. It's so annoying! I've gotten better at dealing with this over time. I just have to think about it when I am around people that I like (which there are not many people that I'm attracted to, so when I am attracted to somebody it comes as a surprise.)
     
  9. justjade

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    I'm glad I'm not the only one. When I told my therapist about this, I think I seriously made her doubt I was trans. It's so crappy sometimes because I want guys to be attracted to me, despite not really understanding why. Then I act like a girl. I can't be macho because, well, that's no really who I am, but I really hate being like this.

    Thanks, guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy or something.
     
  10. fortheloveoflez

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    Is it possible that this is a society-influenced phenomena? When you think about it, when society is trying to market some thing as sexy and desirable it almost always comes in a feminine form. The feminine is almost always coupled with sexuality..whereas the male form or masculinity in general is mostly coupled with utility by society. So it doesn't come off as a total surprise to me that you may behave more feminine when the art of attraction comes into play.
     
  11. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Though I'm not attracted to guys, on a related note when I am around men even though I'm not really out as trans only to some of my family, I notice I start feeling weird and I'm more self conscious of my body language etc. making sure I don't sit like a girl for example. I guess you would call it acting more manly but it feels weird like part of me knows it's unnatural but I feel compelled to be like that anyway.
     
  12. Nick07

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    Isn't it because you are gay and trans? So all your life you were trying to attract straight guys and being feminine proved itself to work the best?
     
  13. justjade

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    You know what, yeah. My therapist and I sort of came up with the idea that maybe it's about comfort. It's just what I've always done to attract guys, so I still do it. I don't need to be looking for a partner though. In fact I shouldn't be. I'm married. But it's like I can't stop myself from putting on a cute face or whatever.

    ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2014 at 06:25 PM ----------

    You know, it does seem to be that way. I think that's why I like to draw more female characters than male one for stories. I dunno. Maybe I'm afraid guys won't come around at all if I'm not cute and/or girly.
     
  14. hardwiredheart

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    i'm the same way. if i'm trying to impress a girl, i act really masculine, but if i'm around my kind-of-crush (who's a guy) i get really feminine. glad to know i'm not the only one though!