I apologize for the long post. I have recently stopped fighting my desire to dress in female clothes and half accepted that I like it though I still feel this is really strange, having a desire, almost a need which is capable of ruining my day when not tended to of this sort. I am still kind of uncomfortable wearing such things as something keeps reminding me this is wrong or something to be ashamed of. Honestly I am not sure what is going on in my own head any more. Though when I started looking into cross-dressing, trying to figure out why I feel like I do, a few months ago after the thought struck me that this want feeling might not simply disappear, I happened upon the concept of Trans. I got excited when reading people’s posts and stories and watching the transformation videos and the idea was so amazing, gender can be changed and doesn’t have to be lived with grudgingly. It was quite big and scary and new and my mind just spun out of control and started thinking of the surgery and the hormones and having my own boobs and wearing the clothes and acting feminine, I wanted to believe I am Trans, maybe. At least that would make sense in a way; I could use that to get rid of the guilt feeling for wanting to wear clothes that didn’t fit what I was given at birth. When the internal hype settled and my thought pattern went back to “it’s too weird and it cannot be, and maybe I am just being stupid”, I noticed something else. I cannot relate to any of the people or posts. The way I understand it, you feel like you don’t belong in this body you have, or it is wrong, it is something you need to change in most cases; the physical appearance and internal personality don’t match at all. I am not exactly unhappy with being a man, though I do dislike what society expects of men and how they should act and look, but I am also not very masculine, nor though am I feminine really. Point being, I don’t need to change anything nor do I feel I should have been born different or I am trapped in the wrong body. I asked myself then why the desire to dress femininely and act as such? The answer I came to was that I wanted to, that is about as much as I could figure out, that I want to, or would like to rather be a woman. Not only am I attracted to the softer, more refined, gentler traits of women, their clothes and hair and bodies, but I envy them, I want to look like, feel like, act like, and be a woman. I wish I was more feminine. It is a desire not a need. All this thinking simply from trying to understand why I am interested in wearing dresses, skirts and so on, confusing. My questions, could you still be Trans if you wish your gender was different, but don’t feel like it has to be, or are you then just fantasizing? Is it normal to become almost obsessed with these things once reading about it to some extent? Will giving it time and just continuing with things as they are, taking my time help sort out the thoughts or figure things out or do you have to change things if you want answers? Why does almost any female clothing you buy from a back road shop come with a G-string?
Could you still be Trans if you wish your gender was different, but don’t feel like it has to be, or are you then just fantasizing? Yes. A common mistake people make is that thinking that "trans" is short for "transsexual" (meaning someone who feels like they are the opposite gender than the one they were assigned at birth - I, for example, am transsexual because I was born male but I am female). In reality it is short for "Transgender" which basically means that you gender is just different to how you were assigned at birth. Now this includes all sorts of people including cross dressers. In your case, you feel like you would rather be a woman but don't feel like you need to change your body. This definitely still counts! Is it normal to become almost obsessed with these things once reading about it to some extent That depends. It definitely is if you feel it applies to you. Do you often find yourself obsessing about things you've read about or is it just this? Will giving it time and just continuing with things as they are, taking my time help sort out the thoughts or figure things out or do you have to change things if you want answers? Depends what answers you want. If you are happy with what you have ("you would rather be a woman but don't feel like you need to change your body") then you would be fine. If you want deeper answers you will probably have to experiment with it a bit. Why does almost any female clothing you buy from a back road shop come with a G-string? To make you feel sexy? Seriously I have no idea
It is mainly the above things you mentioned. I have read about the difference between transgender and transsexual and even though I would probably consider myself a transvestite, I wonder about the transsexual thing. Sure I don't feel like I need to change or was born the wrong way but to some degree being a complete woman (anatomy included) is part of what I kinda wish for, which is why it seems like a fantasy more that anything else. Not to mention I am not quite sure what brings this thought to mind in the first place. I don't know if there are any deeper answers to look for, but I tend to over think and look for deeper meaning anyway. I am just wondering if I should let things happen or make them happen. Which I don't know how to do anyway... Guess that sort of limits the options. Really was awkward enough buying the clothes in the first place, then standing there with a bright blue g-string in the hand trying to see the entire dress thingy made me feel quite embarrassed. Also, if it doesn't fit the bits you have, it doesn't make you feel all that sexy sadly enough but I guess they earned a 'thanx for trying'.
yes, like Holly said above, there isn't only the gender binary, there is Bigender, Gender-fluid, and even Agender, i suggest you don't constrain yourself to labels or that if you don't fit into the cliché transsexual story that you are not trans, trans people come in all kinds too! well you can get obsessed with anything that interests you, like a book, a tv show, a movie, a video game, if it really catches your interest it can make you pretty obsessed with it, the same would go for reading about gender identity, i was also obsessed when i was a teenager about it, but it took me a long time to know why, even if it was pretty obvious, but i was really obssesed about it back then well it depends on the person, but taking the time you feel is best is the best way to go i think, take your time to experiment and discover what you really wish and interests you less is more then if thats how you feel, there is no need to try to change to what doesn't interests you, there is no "transgender standard", you need to do whatever makes you happier! even if you feel like there is some things of being a male that you like, you don't have to throw it all away just because you feel like you want to be a complete woman and it's not a fantasy, transition is a long and hard road, but in the finish line is the greatest prize of all, happiness
I kind of understand you feelings and where you are coming from. Look... All that matters is that you do what makes you happy. You don't need a label for that unless you really want one. The only way to know for sure is to try living like a woman and see how it feels.
