Warning! Before you start, this is kinda rant-y so I don't even know what I'm looking for here, I just had to get it out of my system... So it's not really a specific question or anything Hi all! So some of you who've been around here a little while might be familiar with my story, but for those who aren't, heres a recap. I came out to my parents as transgender last year, when I was fourteen. They acted all supportive at first, but I quickly realized that their "support" was really for me to be "fixed" - through religion (specifically a christian "therapist"). I went twice to aforementioned "therapist"(and I use that term extremely lightly) and refused to go back again for a third session. My parents interpreted that as a sign that I was "fixed" and proceeded to pretend that this whole thing had never happened. I tried to talk to them about it on other occasions, but their only offer was to send me back to my old "therapist". Fast forward to october, and I'm still really depressed, and getting worse every day, because my dysphoria is constantly building. My mom walks in on me cutting in my room, flips her shit, starts crying, has a full on meltdown, and says she wants me to go back to a therapist. I say ok, as long as they aren't religious. But of course she wont send me to a dedicated gender therapist, because all the non-religious ones are more devoted to getting me what a want, and not "fixing" me. So now I'm just at a normal depression therapist, which is good, although I still want a gender specialist. Anyways, so thats me so far. But now, lately, I've been going through a fairly dysphoric phase, and there's one issue that I just keep coming back to. It's my body shape in general, but mainly my height. I honestly am so scared that I'm gonna grow tall, and I really want to be short. Like if I could just stay the height I am now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I have this vision of myself, of the way I want me to look someday, and one of the things I really care about is being small. But I don't know of any way to stop myself from growing, and it just worries me that someday I'll end up being some freakishly tall woman. I know that there are tall women, but I don't want to be one... Nothing against them, I just don't feel like that's me. So if anyone knows of anything that could help, that'd be great. I just have no idea where to go with this I'm genuinely scared of this.
Can you not arrange to see your doctor on your own and ask for a referral? Or would your parents know what was happening and stop you? I don't know much about the health system in Canada unfortunately :/
Sadly, I can't. I tried to, but because of where I live the only way for me to get to a doctor would be to have my parents drive me... And they will NEVER do that. And I can't ask one of the few friends I have to drive me because my parents would make sure they knew exactly what it was they were driving me to... And I'm not ready to come out like that, the only friend I have who is a good enough friend that I can talk to about that stuff doesn't have her licence either So I'm kinda stuck.
Ask your parents to take you to the doctors because you're scared about your cutting and want to see if they can help...then tell the doctors. Couldn't hurt to try! Anyway, as for your height. You can't stop yourself growing as far as I know. Believe me, I fully and completely understand your worry here, because if I could I would choose to be small and petite and cute in a heartbeat. HOWEVER. As a 6'3" woman, I can tell you it's not the end of the world if you end up tall, and I'm not saying that to make you feel better, I mean I literally spent most of my life this tall and was completely oblivious to the fact that everybody else was shorter than me. It was quite a shock when I realised. Just don't sit here now telling yourself that the worst thing that can possibly happen is that you get tall, because believe me you will feel SO much worse about it later if it happens, and if it DOESN'T happen, you will spend your life waiting for that 'growth spurt' to kick in.
At age 15 I was 5ft! I was convinced that I'd never get taller. I only stopped growing last year and I'm glad I got a little taller at least. You might not become as tall as you fear. Yet I implore you to prepare for the worst scenario. You must find a way to make it work for you. I can do almost anything taller guys can do, and in some cases much more! If you end up tall then it doesn't stop you doing most things that smaller women do. You cannot modify the height, so you'll have to focus on what you can change. Maybe some clothes make people look shorter. Also the confidence to deflect comments from idiots. Most people can sense insecurity and a few of them will be merciless. You have to look confident outside even if you don't feel it inside. Eventually you won't have to fake it anymore. Most mean comments will just make you laugh. I found people that don't mind me being shorter so I think you'll find people that accept you being taller. 5 out of 6 of the people I've dated = taller than me. The shortest person I dated was 4"10' and the tallest was 6"01'.
Being tall shows its self in its early years. I mean, I was expected to be tall, but I'm only 5'5". I literally stopped growing at 14. I wouldn't worry about it, I mean our society is becoming less strict on "men should be taller than women" in a relationship.
The hard truth is that yes, you can influence your height a bit, but only in certain circumstances. For me, I get upset about my height too. I'm about 5' 9", and I wish I were a bit taller. If I would've come out to my parents 5 years before I did, I'd be a different height now. Because of my age, it's too late to do anything about it. Younger people can go on blockers/HRT and have a small influence on their height, but since parent consent is a factor, it's usually extremely hard to do. It might be worth talking to your parents and making sure they know that this is something that will affect you for the rest of your life. You might tell them that you're going to go through with it (if that's your plans) when you're of age whether they help you now or not, and they are the only people that could save you for going through more pain. That's a really tricky situation. Good luck, and I hope you love yourself whatever height you end up. It's not impossible. As Ellia said, sitting there and telling yourself that tall = bad is not good. My sister's about 6'1" and she gets pretty much any guy she wants, haha, she wasn't always thrilled about her height, but as far as I can tell, she owns it and loves it.
So first off, thank you all for your replies You've been very helpful. Ellia: I doubt that will work, but I might try it. They will probably freak out that I'm cutting again, rip my room apart and take all my knives (again) and then keep me under supervision for a few weeks, but on the other hand, they might listen to me and take me to the doctors as well... We shall see. As for that second bit, I'll try not to worry about it. Neither of my parents are very tall, (my mom is 5'1" and my dad is 5'10") but I still worry that I'll end up closer to my dad's height... I guess 5'10" isn't that tall though... it's just that I'd rather be little Lawrence: I'm 15 (almost 16) and I'm about 5'5"... So hopefully it's like you said and I don't grow too much more Also good to know that height doesn't matter so much to others Charlie: I've always been fairly short for a guy, so I hope you're right I don't think I'll grow to more than 6', so thats reassuring. Sun: I will try to talk to them about it... I just find it very hard to talk to them about this kind of stuff, my mom always cries and they both seem so disappointed... I will try to let them know about this, although I don't think it will do much good, they seem very set in their ways. Again, thank you all! You've been a great help
Well no one gets to totally customize their body. We can tweak here and there but if I had my choice I would be 4 inches taller and of a more muscular build.
As a parent if I walked in on my son cutting he would be at his Dr.'s office the same day if possible. Tell your parents you will see a new therapist. Go on line and see if you can find a LGBT therapist in your area. Tell your parents you will see a therapist if it's that person.
