If it's OK with y'all, I'll just sort of brain-dump here. So, I've taken some preliminary steps: I've told three people that I'm "exploring the possibility" that I am some flavor of trans*, and so far have had good, supportive responses from all three (pastor, physician, and a queer girl half my age who is plugged in to the community here and who indirectly helped open the door for my questioning/exploration.) I've also done a lot of shopping (a lot for me, at least). First time in my life that I've enjoyed buying new clothes. So far, just underwear -- found a couple of bras that are comfortable and somehow comforting to wear (over my nonexistent boobs), and a small range of panties and women's boxer-briefs to try to figure out what fits and what feels right -- and a belt from the women's section that is ambiguous enough that I can wear it at work without raising eyebrows. Also, I shaved off the goatee and mustache that I've been sporting for the past dozen or more years. So, what are suggested next steps? I have a hunch that I'm eventually going to seek HRT, but it's clearly too early to jump into that. I've been doing a ton of internet research (Google is my friend!), but I clearly have a lot more to learn. And I know myself well enough to know that my challenge is not going to be *thinking* this through, but instead actually understand how I *feel* about all of this. P.S. As a side note, it's been really ... interesting? surprising? eye-opening? ... to read what some trans*men are writing about their dysphoria. I haven't experienced anything close to that strongly, but it's telling that my first reaction to someone's saying that they'd desperately like to have male tackle and no boobs is, "Why on earth would you want that?!?" I'd much much rather wake up tomorrow with breasts and a woman's genetalia, if I had a choice. But I haven't felt that as strongly before I read someone else's experience of wishing the opposite. Enough prattling. Thanks to you all for being here!
Next steps, next steps. Funny thing about next steps in this situation is that it's not like there is a checklist or a specific order things have to happen in. ESPECIALLY at the stage you are at. You've done some shopping (I remember how unreasonably happy I was when I got that first pack of underwear and a bra through the post and how good I suddenly felt wearing them) and that's great! Let yourself enjoy that. Seriously, if it's feeling good, let yourself experience that. As for what comes next, it all depends on what you feel you need! For me, by the time I'd brought underwear, I was already shaved all over and already owned a skirt, top and wig I could wear at home. For me, my next step was to grow my nails and to buy some hair ornaments (I adore bows). But I could easily have painted my toe nails, or started wearing make-up in the house, or wearing tights under my trousers or something like that. At one point I bought breast forms to pad my bra out. Ask yourself in all honestly, what do you WANT to do? What do you want to experience next? Ask yourself these things and then do them. There's no point trying to seek HRT if you're not even sure that's what you want or need yet. Do what feels comfortable!
