Awhile ago I realized I was trans and thought that was it. Little did I know it hadn't actually clicked in my mind that I was in fact mara, a girl, in a guys body. Today that changed. Today some new synapse in my brain made the connection that I really am a woman and this body/role is a serious problem for me. Its got me really depressed. I know my parents will NEVER let me get therapy while I live with thej, considering the cost too. So I figure I'm stuck like this for awhile. All my friends know, and I'm considering asking them to just call me Mara and use feminen words like she. Just act the way I am, not hide anything. I'm going to really work on training my voice to pass as feminen since a lot of my friendships are online and Skype would sound better if I could sound like a girl there. Just writing this is making me feel better, even if the physical aspects can't be changed for awhile. I think there's hope, I just need to make what changes are in my power instead if sitting here feeling sorry for myself. At this point I probably shouldn't even post this it had no point as a post, but I might as well the buttons right there. :smilewave
Wow. That's probably the healthiest sounding approach to being stuck I think I've ever heard. Good luck!
Mara sorry you're depressed. Maybe you could talk to your school guidance counselor? That's always free. Or maybe a teacher you trust could refer you to someone. Anyways good luck and I agree with ElliaOtaku, you sound like you're approaching this in the best way you possibly could.
I think I'm fine. I've got some friends who would be happy to listen and help me through this, so once again I will have a support group ready, like with being bisexual, and the brony retaliation, and... Wow if I didn't have my friends my life would suck. Anyway
mara i am going trhough the same thing you are and i'm glad you have supportive friends to help you through it. it probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk to a counselor because trust me they will not understand . they will just put some nonsense in your head and try to change you. i'm not sure if we are really blessed or really cursed to have these problems but wow is it ever an extroardinary journey. i am just beginning to discover and experience the bliss of being who you were born to be. nobody knows my true identity but me. be thankful you have people who accept you for who you are, and bless them, the world needs more people like that. may you forever continue to embrace who you are
Thanks, I'm very thankful to have these people. Its quite a unique life we lead though hmm? Yea I live in Texas, and I don't think even a consuler here could deal with and help me in an unbiased way. If you have people you know will accept you, take that step, life is better for it. If not, try and find some, maybe a support group.
This seems like a plenty reasonable thing to post. It's alright, I'm in the same boat, I've asked my close friends to use Devon instead of my birthname. It actually is a really big confidence booster. Everytime you hear that name, the name that really means you it makes you feel so much better. I also live in a household that can know little about me. I am not at all who my parents think I am. I am okay with it though, because I use my blog, my friends, and a few other things to help express myself. I can't get therapy for quite a while, or go on real dates with my girlfriend, but I am okay with that. I've been able to find ways to keep my spirits up, even with dysphoria and hiding. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who it stuck like this, and its really nice to hear you've gotten at least a little of this giant puzzle figured out.
From what I'm hearing it sounds like it's something you've been thinking about for a long time but it only just hit you, right? That's really interesting because for me it was very similar but almost the opposite at the same time. For me it was a jolt when I realized I was trans because it had never really been something I considered. It was like in my head everything suddenly snapped into place and I was just in shock for a few days. I've been trying to really get a better understanding of myself ever since. I think it's better for you that it went this way because you are already so familiar with everything trans, it's like you have a better idea of how best to proceed.
lol I really have to hold back here... if i didnt i would probably drive you all away with my over-exuberance. anywho! it certainly is a unique struggle that we go through. it seems to permeate every aspect of our lives in so many ways and on so many levels. many times the effects of the dysphoria and the hiding we do are imperceptable and that can greatly distort our, and others', understanding of what is actually going on. if i may offer advice, do anything you can do, whenever you can do it, to further explore, develop, and nurture your true self. speaking from experience, doing even the smallest of things will make a huge difference in the long run. its ok if you dont immediately feel better after taking a step, you will eventually, i promise. it might help to look at it this way... if you do nothing, you stand still and time moves forward. so, relatively speaking, youre moving backwards if you do nothing. if you even take the slightest of steps forward, you are creating momentum, you are moving forward towards your goal. speaking mathematically, any momentum is infinitely greater than zero momentum, now factor in the idea of "negative momentum" by doing nothing... keeping all this in mind, you might be able to see that, even if you dont take any tangible actions to build momentum on any given day/week/whatever, just the mere thought of wanting to do something to allow your true self to shine through will, in fact, propel you toward your goal whether you like it in the moment or not ;D just do whatever you need to do to stay inspired and determined. things will fall into place in time. much love and lunacy, Sadie
