So, while the family and I were out shopping, I decided to get the balls to finally buy nice guy clothes. I got jeans, a shirt, a jacket, and actual guy shoes. Basically an outfit. I tried them on a few ago and was so freaking happy with how I looked in them. I was so happy that I wasn't even afraid to go in front of my mom with my binder on, because I wanted to get their input on the outfit and see if it looked nice. I went downstairs to where my sister and mom were at and said, "Look. How does it look?" All my mom said was "Nice shoes" and my sister just looked at me and said "What?". Needless to say, I felt like a dumbass. I don't know. Maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on the clothes or something. Maybe I'm overreacting. It's just so offputing, because I was so excited to finally kind of look like I could pass. And their reactions to the outfit was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. When I used to get clothes that were actually more feminine than what I usually wear, they would compliment them and actually pay attention. But now it's like they just could care less that these clothes actually make me happy. And it's not like they saw the clothes earlier because I bought mine when they were at another part of the store, so it's not like they had already seen them. I don't know. I guess I'm just making a big deal out of nothing. :bang:
I have the same thing. I think for my parents at least, they just don't like me drawing attention to it. But then they're still referring to me as a girl, so their opinions hardly matter to me right now. Show them to knowing friends, they'll be more likely to compliment you My best friend said she's mildly surprised I have good taste in clothes xD
Well if that doesn't prove the point nothing ever will. People get all up-in-arms about change and how you'll be a freak, and then they don't even realise when you're in 'guy' mode. Morons. But either way, personally I try and avoid other peoples reactions. I'm not wearing nice clothes for their benefit, I'm wearing them for mine! If they say something nice, great, but otherwise I only care that I like it! Either way, well done for actually buying the things!!
I wish I could've seen the face my mom made the first time I showed up back home in more guyish clothes. My sister did some pretty funny reenactments of it though. I'll tell you the same thing I usually say for everything: give it time. It's a change for them. You do you, and they will come around. IT sounds like they were surprised. If the clothes looked good and made you pass well, they might've seen you in a different light than they had before, and it might've taken them aback a bit. Someday they might give you advice on how to look better as a guy.
Yeah, I think my mom just thinks it's a phase or a byproduct of my bipolar. I wish I could show it to friends but I have no friends nearby. My closest friend is about an hour away. :/ I thought my sister would give me more input because she knows and accepts how I feel but I think it unsettles her, I don't know. It's just disheartening. Yeah, I guess it's more of validation. Like I want them to acknowledge me being in "guy" mode. I want them to acknowledge that I'm 100% serious about this. I know presenting should just be for me, to make myself happy, but it was just really anticlimactic. I just wanted to shout, "Look at me! I'm happy! This makes me happy! Acknowledge it!" Yeah, I wish it was more of surprise, but they barely even looked at me. My sister was the only one that really looked for longer than a second and she didn't say anything until she got tired of me looking at her, waiting for a reaction. My mom took a second, said "Nice shoes" and went back to what she was doing. I hope you're right and they get used to it and maybe even help me pick out clothes that look good.
some people believe that to ignore a behavior will make it go away. the more resistance they show the more appealing the behavior becomes. a good way to treat a " phase ".
No I'd say I can relate to that feeling. I told my mom and sister that I bought a binder and they were basically like, "Oh, okay." I think it could be a lot of things, but I think for most people it comes down to unfamiliarity and discomfort. Here on EC we can all look at that and say ehhhh that isn't the best reaction.... But we are familiar with the feelings and the appropriate reactions. We are educated about this and we have learned what people want to hear, if in fact we don't want to hear it ourselves. So it's hard to step into someone else's shoes and react appropriately. It's hard for us to imagine not knowing what we do now just as it is hard for them to understand what you are feeling and intuitively know how to reply. Maybe that's not what's going on here, but try to realize they are acting from a place of discomfort and uncertainty, not necessarily disapproval.
I would totally understand that coming from my mom, but my sister has trans friends and knows just as much as I do. So I definitely expected more of a response from her, you know some kind of feedback.
The way I see it there are two possibilities. Either there is some reason that your sister is uncomfortable or unsure how to respond properly and should be given patience, or she disapproves in some way and is therefore not worth your wasted energy trying to impress. There is no way to please everyone in this world and if she really is being judgmental or disapproving somehow, there's nothing for you to do but focus on the people that accept you and encourage you for who you are and wait for her to come around in her own time when she sees it is what is going to make you happy.
It might take some time, but the more you present to your sister, the harder it will get for her to ignore it. You said your sister has trans friends, so you know she's accepting. Maybe she feels like she's losing a sibling, or, sense she has friends who are trans she knows how difficult it can be. I would give her time. As for your mom i don't know. Also, i would like to say i think its cool that you're out as gender-fluid to them. I don't think i could tell my family that i'm genderqueer.
Yeah, you're right. I've just got to give it time. Yeah, I think everyone is right with giving it time. I'm going to try to not let it get to me like it did. Yeah, my sister accepts the genderfluid thing. I'm not sure about my mom though. I think she thinks it's a joke/phase thing, but maybe with me trying to make it more obvious and show how serious I am, she'll come around and start treating it seriously.
