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i just dont know anymore...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Ngc, Mar 30, 2014.

  1. Ngc

    Ngc Guest

    Hello people of EC! I made this account a bit ago to help me anonymously and this is my first post that I really need the help with. To start with, I began questioning my gender identity. For the past several months I've been struggling with this and researching every plausible term under the sun and I just don't know. My first thought was that I was gender fluid but then I thought bigender was actually more like what I was feeling. But those terms never felt right and I'm always much more masculine feeling rather than feminine, but I still refuse to say I'm trans. I dint know why but it feels like I'm going too far in one direction, that maybe this isn't real and I'm just being stupid and too complicated for my own good. I've began getting people to call me neutral pronouns and to call me Jay, and I've been talking to my school counselor, but I'm just so lost still. I've been using agender for a bit now too, but I just can't. I don't mind being in the non binary area, but I know everyone else will have a better time accepting me if I'm at one side of the spectrum or the other, but I just can't. As much as I feel like a guy, I'm scared to go that far, and the idea of being misgendered as a female for any longer sickens me.
    I'm sorry if this isn't really much to go on or sounds more like a rant than a question. I'll answer any further questions anyone has if it'll help them help me.
     
  2. Tetra

    Full Member

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    Okay, so if you imagine yourself 15 years in the future, what do you see? A man or a woman? I was asked this question not so long ago, and my automatic question was "a man". What about you? How do you FEEL when someone refers to you as a female? What runs through your mind?
     
  3. Ngc

    Ngc Guest

    Man... Almost without a doubt I find myself dreaming of being a man or at least viewed that way by society. As for how I feel when one refers to as female, its sick, uncomfortable, and just wrong sounding. I really only realized how bad it was when a teacher was using me as an example and didn't stop calling me she/her.
     
  4. Sepina

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Are you seiuos? omg that teacher is so.... omg how f-ing dare she... just who the hell does she think she is?... tell her to preach her f-ing creed somewhere else.
     
  5. Tetra

    Full Member

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    That's your answer. Do you think that you could truly live out the rest of your life being a female? If you can't, then you need to start making steps in the right direction to get the life that YOU want.

    How do you feel about the transition process? Is that something that you would want to take on? Do you feel that it's something you need? I feel on edge about it, basically just due to the whole factor of doctors not knowing what long-term effects going on T will have, since there haven't been many patients to go on it for extremely long-term. However, it's important to note that it's better to live a life of happiness, fulfillment and being who you are, rather than a LONG life of resentment and sadness.
     
  6. Ngc

    Ngc Guest

    Currently, having to live the rest of my life as a female is the worst possible scenario for me. I know that the transitioning process has its risks and that makes me very wary, but I've known for a few years now that I want top surgery and a hysterectomy ASAP. I would go all the way, but so much is unknown about everything and I my voice is used for voice acting sometimes. I'm worried that even now that I'm getting more sure, I'll look at this and regret it and about my parents and their absolute hatred of anything under the LGBT+ spectrum and how maybe I'll screw it up and maybe I'm non binary or in three years I'll be a hardcore butch lesbian again. And I'm having a bit of an anxiety attack when I think about some of this... Thank you for your help thus far Tetra.