For now, I'm a guy. Been thinking I might be transgender for awhile. I feel like I keep changing my mind though. One day I'll wake up being completely sure, other times I feel very hesitant. The thing is though I can't think of any legitimate down sides to transitioning. I consider myself rather distant from my male self, like I'm living in a hollowed out body, or something to that effect, so I can say I wouldn't miss being male. So I'm not really sure what's making me hesitant. Part of me is saying if I say 'yolo' and go through with the whole thing then I'll be happier, which I know I would be, but is that a justifiable reason? There's all the pain and turmoil of coming out and transitioning that I'll face. Some days I'll feel invincible, like I'd be able to brave it all. Other days, it's the opposite. I'm going to a one-time counselor to kinda figure things out. I'm not really sure what to expect from the session, since I don't think it'll be a gender specialist, more of someone to help with guidance and stuff. Assuming as much, what do I do from there? I know for a fact that I'd be much happier than I am now going through with all of this, but a part of me is still resisting. Can I come out to my parents knowing this fact? Further specialized counseling may help with the uncertainty, but as of now I don't have the money/insurance. That's why I'm considering talking to my parents. Can I go to my folks and come out, even with the possibility that this doesn't all go through? They know I'm borderline depressed, and probably wouldn't object to generic counseling, but if we have that conversation, odds are something's gonna slip. And if there's even I chance that all this passes (which I don't think it will), I don't want to worry my parents with my incorrect diagnosis of transgender. I don't think I'd have much physical problem coming out, I just don't want to prematurely/erroneously. It's just that further counseling might be required to ascertain all this stuff, and for that, I'd have to come out. Idk, just not sure what to do.
Everyone is hesitant for a while and yo-yoing from "when can I start hrt?!" to "Holy crap what am I doing?!" I went back and forth like that for almost a year, it sucks I know! You just have to accept that you don't know yet and give yourself some time to figure things out. Transitioning is scary, im in the middle of coming out at work and to my college professors, getting my letter for hrt, convincing my school to let me come back, and working my ass off to pay for it all. You need to make sure you absolutely ready and have a good support system. I think trying to talk to the counselor your planning on seeing will help, at least just to get it out, but don't expect wonders from them. Therapists who don't specialize in gender issues tend to not have a damn clue about and can be ignorant to the point of insulting. That being said, test the waters. They might understand and talking to someone REALLY helps, just don't take anything mean they say to heart. therapists are damn expensive but a great place to go to talk is a trans* support group. Most places have one close by, there free and have people who know what there talking about. A lot of times a professional counselor facilitates the meeting as well. PFLAG has meetings and you can search by state for groups in your area. Also, depending on were you live there are also clinics that offer free counseling, some of which are gender specific. That ones a bit of a long shot but they are out there. As for coming out to your parents unless your sure they would be understanding and accepting of what your going through I would wait until you are confident in your identity. For parents who might not be on board, having you not be totally sure makes it easier for them to ignore and pass it off as a phase instead of something your trying to understand better. Hope this helps
Thanks for the response. I know these things take time, but practically speaking, I have this timetable sorted out in my head for when I think it'd be optimal to transition, and it moves rather quickly, there's not much time to just lay idle. Coupled with the fact that the more time I spend in my current state, the more depressed feelings I get. So time is an important factor here, I know rushing things is definitely not recommended, but I mean, acting sooner than later can really help things along. I'll definitely look into support groups though, I don't know why I haven't really looked into those all that much.
