I got my hair cut short this morning! And I was very happy about it. Everyone at school seemed to really like it, too. But they kept saying it looked "pretty" and "cute" and "beautiful", which, although I smiled and said "thanks", is not much appreciated. By the end of the day I was feeling kind of weird. I looked in the mirror and saw how feminine my face still looked and I saw my breasts and girl clothes and thought, "I'll never be able to look like a guy." And then I even started to feel weird about my short hair because I still look girly. I kind of wish I could come out so I could wear guy's clothes but I want to take longer to think things over. Also, I can't even imagine what people's reactions would be if I came out to them so it feels like I'd never be able to get the courage or be sure enough that I would anyways. I almost want to go back to acting completely like a girl so that I don't feel so horribly confused, and I feel like being a girl is just how I've got to act in my everyday life. But in my future I prefer to see myself as a guy and online I like to act like a guy. It's getting kind of hard to figure out what gender I want to be when I've still got to express myself a certain way. I'm not sure if this means that I'm not trans or that I'm experiencing dysphoria or what? I don't like being a girl, but I can't imagine presenting as a guy under these circumstances? I really want to go to a gender therapist but I'd have to tell my parents in order to do that, so can someone please help me sort things out here? :help:
Circumstances mean a lot. If you see yourself as a guy, and want to present as male, feeling like you can't because of your situation does not invalidate those feelings. There's a difference between how you want to look/act and how you feel you HAVE to look/act. So I think if you still inwardly regard yourself as male and that's how you WANT to present, not being able to under the circumstances does not invalidate that - it does not make you 'not trans'. Not all trans people experience dysphoria or particularly strong dysphoria either, and there are lots of trans people who identify as a different gender but do not take hormones or do any kind of surgical transition. I also don't think its weird to feel like you want to act as a girl to avoid confusion - sometimes people want to just stick with the familiar to avoid uncertainty even if the familiar doesn't always feel 100% right or comfortable. It sounds like you're in a tough spot, and sometimes other people just can't sort through the feelings in another person's head, but I hope you get things figured out and you have lots of people here to support you!
Have you tried dressing androgynously? You can still get away with it by using the "tomboy" cover while maybe feeling a little happier with your appearance? There are a lot of androgynous clothes to be had in the women's department... Could you ask to see a regular counselor? Also, don't worry too much with looking feminine. If you go on T someday, it can change A LOT of your facial features. Alternatively, you may become comfortable enough with it over time and decide against T. You still have a lot of options.
Just where would I find this regular counselor you speak of? Haha, there's not much of a counselor at my school... and I don't know where else I could go. I could try dressing more androgynously, but I'm even a bit wary about being regarded as a "tomboy". I wasn't really one as a kid, I didn't feel like a boy then, that I can remember. But something's always been a little off. Maybe even the fact that I've always been extremely un-talkative has to do with not feeling the right gender? :eusa_eh: Gee, I wish I could find a counselor.
Hmm... Could you express why you're wary of dressing androgynously or being labeled a "tomboy?" As for a counselor, is your school liberal enough that you could talk to the guidance counselor and see if they can help you? Is there an LGBT club on campus?
I'm only wary of being labeled a "tomboy" because I never was before and... eh, I guess I just don't like new labels. My best friend's also a lesbian and seems to have a crush on me and I don't want her or anyone else getting the wrong idea. So for now that means acting like a straight girl... I'm actually still in middle school (only a few more months, thankfully!) so there really is not much of a guidance counselor.
I understand... I guess that what I advised isn't really appropriate to the situation. I'm sorry. All I can really suggest then is that you continue talking to people here, and we'll support you!
We have the same situation. I'm not out to anyone but the internet and close friends. My suggestion to you is to tell someone when you're sure. A parent, a friend, even that one kid who collects LGBT people if you have them at your school, anyone who will accept you. I have one friend who's extremely religious and once she found out she was only mad because she was the last to know, but now she uses male pronouns. I know coming out is scary, but you'll be surprised about how people react to things. I don't know, I found school to be a lot more bearable when I see my friends and they call me "boy" and things like that. Until you feel ready, we'll all be here for you. I wish you luck, mate.
Thanks. You're so sweet. I think I'm going to come out to my best friend (in other words, my only real friend) soon. Her sister has a ftm friend and we've actually talked about taking "are you transgender" quizzes online, lol. Even if I'm not 100% sure, she wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
I know what you mean, I have to be so careful about what I say because apparently guys can't be nice to people:bang:
