I've semi-recently began to realise/have accepted the fact that I'm not only my assigned gender, (female) but that I also feel like the opposite side of the spectrum at other times. What I'm having troubles with is identifying myself. Yes, labels aren't important and can't tell you who you are, I know, but I would find it much easier not only for myself but so that it's easier explained to others. I'm having troubles deciding which term, bigender or gender-fluid, fits me more. There seems to be many different ideas on the net on what they are, which is slightly confusing >.<. I usually feel either strongly male or strongly female (with occasional androgynous moments every so often, and I mean nearly complete smack in the middle) so...yeah. If anyone on here could clear that up, that would be fantastic. As for the passing, I pretty much have come out to no one about it except for a close friend of mine, and my girlfriend. (Though I don't think she's quite taking my claim seriously...anyway) And I'm still a bit doubtful and self-conscious, so I still am constantly acting like...well, a girl in public. I guess it'll take me a while before I feel comfortable acting anything otherwise, it's just so ingrained in my head to be a certain way. But to get on with the topic, since I'm still nowhere ready to come out to the world yet, especially to my family, I would love to sometimes just pass in public every once in a while. It would give me some satisfaction, at least, because otherwise when I'm feeling like a boy I am and never have been myself. The problem is I'm never planning on transitioning since I'll still sometimes feel like I'm in the wrong body either way, so I'm pretty much stuck with what I've got, which makes it harder to convince others. My voice isn't that high so I think I could make that work, but I've never tried disguising myself before so I'm really afraid I'll screw it up. I don't know, I think maybe the best solution would be to try keeping a slightly androgynous body so that it wouldn't be too much work dressing either feminine or masculine...? I would really appreciate some advice, I have no one to discuss this sort of stuff with, and thanks for reading TTATT
I think I've read that bigender feels like there's two different gender inside of you and you'd move between them depending on context. You identify with both genders. Whereas if you're gender-fluid there's more gray area and your gender identity seems to change over time. Hope that helped to clear thing up a bit, but really, it should be which term you'd like to use. There are quite unclear and very similar definitions for both, so there's not a right and wrong answer- just pick which one you're most comfortable labeling yourself as if you must have a label. Heck, some people even call themselves both. In order to pass you do have to be intentional. That could mean wearing more androgynous clothes that hide your feminine shape a little more. Even changing your mannerisms seems to help, like standing with squared shoulders. You might be self-conscious about acting like the other gender from which you were born in public (I definitely still am) but people won't notice, and you probably will pass some of the time. Remember that humans are self-absorbed and although they might have a fleeting thought about it, they're not going to care if you present like a guy but don't pass. How long is your hair? Because I know bio-guys can pull off the long hair look, but when you've got feminine features, it's going to take all you can give. You don't need to chop all your hair off, but go for something like a pixie cut. It can be a very androgynous hairstyle, so it would help you pass either way. Yes, a lot of bigender and gender-fluid people try to have androgynous bodies. It seems like the logical thing to do. You don't have to try too hard if you only want to pass some of the time, and you definitely don't have to feel like you're going under-cover if you don't want to come out to the world yet. Good luck and hope this helps. This is my first post helping someone out so I did my best.
Hello Punkinesis, welcome to EC. I have to agree with hii (good post btw ) that the difference between bigender and genderfluid is somewhat unclear and even different people may understand it different way. I may be wrong but I see bigender as having two modes - either A or B, and considering you also have that androgynous moments I'd probably go for genderfluid. But it's your call really, so just choose whatever label you feel comfortable with and you can't choose wrong. :icon_bigg About the look, I think the key factors are haircut, chest and clothing, because they all can give you away. I'd recommend either an androgynous haircut or a haircut that can be styled easily between boy and girl looking. Speaking about breast, your chest may be pretty flat but in case it's not you could consider binding when you want to pass on your male days.
hii is correct. Bigender is where you feel either male or female but not really a blend of the two. I personally have taken a while to figure out that I am bigender myself but with a preference for female despite being biologically male. I don't have dysphoria and have no desire to fully transition. Your story makes complete sense to me. My feelings are based on context on how I want to be perceived. You sound like the exact same way as me. You aren't strange at all. Feel free to post on my wall any time. We can talk more.
Thanks a lot for the answers everyone, they all helped ^^. Then from what you've told me, I suppose the term bigender fits more since I normally have the mentality of one or the other. Luckily I have a semi androgynous frame to begin with, (larger shoulders than hips and broad chest, but small hands/feet and curvy body type) so it probably won't be too hard to pass. I currently have a long girlyish cut but I could cut it to a more flexible length that I could manipulate to look either way. I was also considering a wig, (I'll be cosplaying in the future anyway so why not xDD) and maybe put a baseball cap on that. And I do plan on binding, unfortunately I have the pleasure of looking nowhere near flat chested. Thanks for all the advice on that. And I'm really glad to know that others feel the same way as I do, I used to think I was just being...I don't know, stupid or something. Until I started accepting it and looking at the subject online, I didn't know that there was such a way to describe people. I only really knew of the general terms like trans, androgynous and agender/genderqueer. So yes, glad to be here. And again, thanks a bunches!
Really interesting to read your story. I'm currently identifying as bi-gender and also have male, female and neutral days.
