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Do I pass? (FtM)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by hii, Apr 5, 2014.

  1. hii

    hii
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    Got my hair cut yesterday. Had to keep it a little longer in the back than I wanted but I'm going to fix that next time. Took a picture- it's my profile pic. Still having to present as a girl is making me dysphoric and it's hard to judge myself so do I pass? Please be completely and utterly honest.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Well, obviously based on a picture of just your face it's hard to say...I mean If I walked past you in the street and only say your head I probably wouldn't second guess myself...I certainly wouldn't spend any time wondering if I was looking at a girl or a boy, but it would really depend how the rest of you looked which would determine which of those I went for automatically.

    What I'm saying is it's pretty neutral, and the clothes and other factors would make or break it.

    Having said that, if you'd put your gender marker on this forum as 'male' instead of 'male (trains*)' I wouldn't have questioned it based on that picture.
     
  3. darklord

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    You do pass for me really well. You look like quite a young teenager boy. I agree with ElliaOtaku, clothes etc might break the impression, but you pass for me as you are in the picture.
     
  4. Kasey

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    That's the preprejudice that we all have when looking at self identified trans people. We look for the indicators that they are their biological sex and not gender.

    And to answer your question, I'd say yes.
     
  5. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yeah, you pass. But gotta remember, passing's a lot more than your face. You gotta take into account your body language, your frame, your voice- lot of little elements that come mashing together. And then even then, passing might depend entirely on how someone perceives you.

    Like, take me. I pass pretty well- at least from the shoulders up. But you take my voice and body type into account and I have a lot of people who are genuinely confused about what I am.

    But yeah. I'd say you're good to go. Just go out in public and see how people perceive you. (my best indicator- when other guys nod at me when I pass them, then I know they're thinking I'm another guy).
     
  6. fortheloveoflez

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    I think you pass.
     
  7. Hopefilled

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    From "the picture alone" yes. I've not heard y our voice- nor seen your walk- or body language and my paraphrase of what others have said- it's being a whole person.

    Frankly and honestly- I've been disenchanted with our validating THEIR cultural baggage of "Visual Gendering" as it is inherently forcing instant superficial valuation-or de-valuation!

    When we've "socially" invalidated the concept of visually judging each other- we may have grown a hair closer to sapience:>

    As for the quite separate PERSONAL desires for feedback, That can also be healthy or unhealthy by context. Wanting to know if I've put myself together as "I wish to be seen" is neutral- it's how I/we and others respect each other over such concepts ...that frames the dialog as healthy-or not.

    Dosing ourselves with Hormones to alter our bodies inherently DOES alter our cognitive paths but does not erase the learned totality so we need a mindfulness of what mode we're in so to speak. And when we've got all in order to 24/7 BE in the needed mode- we're there:>

    Which goes to my closing warm benediction- Be as you need to be and in time the externals will catch up.
     
  8. Sarcastic Luck

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    I think you're just going to confuse the guy with all this, to be honest. The want to pass isn't 100% that. It's also personal desire. I have a certain look that I want to achieve. What's called "male" happens to be that look. It's not "cultural baggage". It's called "the desire to make the outside match the inside".

    Judging by looks isn't something that goes away. Everything outside plants judges based on appearance. As a side note, you use the word "Sapience" and I'm pretty sure you don't know what it means. It essentially means "wisdom", which really, really doesn't work in the context that you're using it.
     
  9. Kasey

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    Visual cues are an immense part of gender identity to many and a person wanting to know if their outward appearance passes for their desired gender is something that is very personal but something many of us who identify as transgender want to achieve.

    It may not matter to everyone but as Sarcastic Luck says making the external match the internal is something that makes a person feel whole.

    Like others said mere physical appearance isn't the entire key but it plays out as the major portion of external gender identity for most. It is a matter of importance for many.
     
  10. Tetra

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    Yeah man, you look about 13. Looks good.
     
  11. hii

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    I'm 14 so not too far off! Glad I don't look way younger.
     
  12. Kasey

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    When you're my age you definitely want to appear younger than you are.
     
  13. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    I mean, yeah. Sure. Maybe the gender system's stupid. But for a hell of a lot of people, we experience dysphoria when we don't look or have a body that someone of our target sex would look like. Like, you can't just magic away dysphoria by saying "oh well if everyone calls you she and you start learning to like your parts then you're still a guy on the inside." Yeah. You're a guy on the inside but it still stings when people don't recognize you for who you are.

    When I look like a guy and I'm dressing in a male typical way, then I feel loads better and way more natural versus wearing, say, a dress and having long hair.

    Passing is important for a lot of people. Great that it doesn't matter to you but don't dismiss it for other people.
     
  14. hii

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    Haha, probably with my height (or lack thereof) I am going to appear a lot younger eventually.

    Thanks everyone. :slight_smile:
     
  15. Kasey

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    How old do you think I am by the way?
     
  16. hii

    hii
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    In your avatar you definitely don't look old. I was thinking about questioning that. You look about 23.
     
  17. Hopefilled

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    Hrmnnn?? Perhaps a few folks are not on the same pages as each other and comparing references in in order? Dunno where anyone derived some of their PoV comments from though I can and will address a few constructively and let others slide. largely to help the OP more than my feeling hurt or disrespected. Look at my blog to see my PoV on relevant lines:> Not handwaving away, It's embracing the need to be as desired.


    Dysphoria is a core cognitive dissonance that can keep some of us from having a life pending our resolving it. Which in "my" references means on every level we NEED to, making us match the desired self is an imperative that defines us til we resolve it.

    Your own acceptance of transition as a process to a goal may be the greatest self-gift there is. Pick a goal and address it as any other desire in life. By methodical and emotional steps towards your balances.

    The external of having a safe world is it's own detached reality that does not diminish our dysphoria, it's to secure a fear free world so we can LIVE on our terms and apply self to becoming instead of fearing. For now- I will move along to saying that- Perception Defines Reality. As being Male includes being perceived as Male that needfully requires exploring how&why so you can do so.

    Stuff of seemingly inconsequential details all adds up to perceptions and internals get mirrored in externals. Feel a calm centered focus on others needing to show YOU deference, never the reverse. Sadly- society has baked some not nice traits in to how "they" perceive masculinity... Some can be nice though, Opening doors for women, firm handshakes, posture ,projecting a confidence by BEING confident as it's own self-reinforcing vibe... Seeing a mirror and playing to it as training. Rent the movie "Taxi Driver" and watch Pacino becoming a caricature of masculinity gone very wrong - to de-construct it's elements.

    Any other points might either get addressed as&if needful or take my sincerity at face value, eh?
     
  18. Kasey

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    Flip that number around.
     
  19. YuriBunny

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    I think you pass. ^.^
     
  20. hii

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    Really? Wow.