Have you ever come out to someone and they act like it never happened?

Oooh yes. My family for one. They continue to believe that because I have female parts I'm a female. Yet the comfort me and support me whenever I have really bad days of dysphoria. Now I do believe they don't really understand, so I give them the benefit of the doubt...but once they start calling me a lady or ma'am I go nuts. Meanwhile, while that takes place...they call my friend's transboyfriend a he and respects his pronouns all because I've taught them to, so that makes it beyond worse for me.

I've only come out to my best friend...and sometimes I feel like she's forgotten as well. But at the same time I think she's keeping my secret very well hidden because I told her not to tell anyone yet, and that I'll come out when I'm ready.

Either way, I just feel like I've made no progress even though I have and it really sucks. :|

So I know your pain, and it's really annoying isn't it?

 

Well since im not out but I can imagine that happening with some friends I have when I do come out. If it causes too much trouble for you and you feel like they wont ever respect your pronouns it may be in your best interest to just not talk to them anymore. Or maybe you could just sit down and talk with them and see if that goes anywhere.

 

That was the entire motivation behind my picking my screenname here. 29 is just my favorite number.

Main/The Cassandra - Television Tropes & Idioms

Sometimes you tell people the truth and they just won't hear it.

 

Well for awhile after I came out my dad thought he was not allowed to call me "son" even though I never told him that (was kinda cute lol) Anyway one day I after they used "he" on me I told them "son" is fine, but "he" is not ok. They said that they don't use "he" even though they just did it and continue to. :/

 

I'll go ahead and stick my foot in it here:

I think it's worth giving parents the benefit of some doubt. They've spent a decade or more thinking of you , talking to you and talking about you in certain terms. From their perspective, you're "suddenly" asking them to give up at least part of the picture of you that they've had in their hearts all that time as well as asking them to change deeply ingrained habits of speech and thought.

It's probably easier for them to make that adaptation with respect to your friend's boyfriend simply because they haven't known him very long or very well. When it comes to their own child, it will be harder and take longer.

(My daughter came out to me as bi almost two years ago. Even though I was immediately fully accepting and supportive, I still sometimes catch myself almost making heteronormative comments to her just because that's how I thought about her for 15 years. Fortunately, I usually catch myself before I say it out loud.)

Now, "benefit of the doubt" does not equal "free license to be an a**hole," so it has it's limits. But to the degree that you can cut them a little slack, while still *gently* reminding them of what is really important to you, it will probably make for better and more supportive relationships in the long run.

End lecture ;-)

 

Yup. My mom has conveniently forgotten that little revelation I shared with her over a decade ago about my crossdressing proclivities. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around (to notice it's wearing high heels), does it make a (clicking) sound? :rolle:

 

All the time.

 

Yes, some of my online friends still don't use proper pronouns unless I nag them a lot Nyu~

 

Some of the people I've come out to have literally acted like I've said nothing immediately after telling them. For example, I had this conversation with one friend -

"Sometimes I feel like Alexia and sometimes I feel like Alex, you know? Same person, different gender. That's why I think I'm bi-gendered. Right now I feel like Alex. I'm not going to get surgery or anything since whatever sex I am there will always be times where it doesn't match up to my mental gender."

Her response:

"So do you want to go shopping on Thursday Alexia?"

:bang:

Or another friend who had just spent a full day listing all of his problems.

"I think I'm bi-gendered."

"*side ways glance* If that's what you identify with, I guess. If that's a thing that exists. Anyway, what happened to me today was..."

:eusa_doh: I wouldn't mind, but both of these friends are part of the LGBT community.

And the one straight CIS person that I told:

"I'm bi-gendered."
"Bisexual?"
"Bi-gendered."
"That's what I said, bisexual."
"No, I'm hetrosexual."
"Are you getting an operation?"
"No..."
"So... it changes nothing?"

:help:

 

I have had similar things where I had to tell my Mum how I was feeling about being a girl at least three times before she even began to take my opinions seriously.

My Dad on the other hand pretty much has chosen to forget that I ever said anything and Im sure he's using more male prnouns on purpose.

My best mate knew that I had been researching Trans issues but I'd hidden it behind a "Chaser" aspect (as in that I am a chaser) but then one day I full on told him the truth and he pretyt much said "whatever" and has since gone back to thinking im just a chaser/ally.

 

The first conversation with my best friend she did refer to me as a girl - but she'd misunderstood when I'd told her not to worry about pronouns. I'd meant that evening since she was hosting a party. She didn't quite grasp she could refer to me as a guy when we were hanging out as friends alone. She's got it now and even came up with my new nickname.

Family on the other hand ... I've learned patience, but damn is it hard! Every step my dad is waiting for a health professional to 'confirm' it and so he will still call me darling/sweetheart and refer to me as a girl. He's called me Alex once so far, which I'm glad for. It's progress, no matter how slow. My mum just won't mention and is quick to change the subject if i try to discuss it with her. Though she's careful to avoid pronouns in general around me now I've noticed.

Some of my online friends still mess up and I usually have a quiet word and they apologise and try not to do it again. I know this is all new to them so it'll take time. It's just awkward if it's an online game with people who've never met me. Then I have the awkwardness of others calling me a girl and I have to correct them. >.>;;