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People of EC, I need you.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by FireSmoke, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Hi :slight_smile:

    I have to take a decision about to take or not an appointment with my psychoterapist, but let me to explain better otherwise you can't understand well.

    Some months ago, in December, I went with my mum to a female (I didn't choose her gender, it's capitate) psychoterapist. I told her I have ADHD and I have a low self-confidence. Plus, I told her my mum is too apprehensive and this makes me nervous and anxious.

    Well, the 45 available minutes were over and I didn't have enough time to say the most important thing: I AM A DUDEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :icon_sad:

    Italian health board is very different from the american one because over here you can have a doctor without paying, but you have to wait a (long) period of time. So, I had to wait 3 months (yeah :tantrum: ) and it happened a thing that disappointed me: She passed me to another doctor, a newbie without a significant experience. For this, I suspect she didn't take me seriously.


    Tomorrow she'll be at work and I have to decide if:

    -I will call her and say to her "Hey, you had underestimated me. I want to be with you (not with that newbie)"

    or

    -If I will have to be followed by the newbie doctor.


    My temper is very proud, so the idea to remain with her makes me feel angry because I think "Yeah, you didn't want to have me? Then, I'll go away!!" but at the same time the idea to be followed by a newbie doctor scares me. "If he's not enough qualified? If he's only a headshrinker?"


    This is a delicate situation for my personality and I need some advices from friendly people, please. Thanks in advance and if you don't understand something, just ask :slight_smile:
     
    #1 FireSmoke, Apr 8, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2014
  2. BelleFromHell

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    I think you should tell her that she's who you want to see and not the newbie doctor, but if you're forced to see the new doctor, try to make the best of it.
    Regardless of which one you end up with, don't forget to tell them about your gender identity. The sooner you tell them, the better. :slight_smile:
     
  3. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

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    I agree with Belle.:slight_smile:
    You have to tell her you won't go to a newbie. Make her understand that:slight_smile:
     
  4. Kasey

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    Maybe a newbie doctor is open to new ideas?

    I mean if it's your comfort as a patient then they should do what is the best for you, but just playing the devils advocate.
     
  5. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    If the new doctor is male, I'd honestly give him a try. Personally, I've had poor experiences with women psychologists who clearly resented my "abandoning my womanhood" and who were generally condescending/ coddling. This is just my experience, though. Also, you may be able to get faster appointments with the newbie...

    My understanding is that ADHD can be controlled quite well with medication and counseling; I have also heard of numerous trans* people who had their ADHD resolve completely after getting wherever they needed to be with their gender so, who knows?

    If I were in your position, I'd see the new guy, walk in and say "I'm transgendered, can you help me with that?" and see what his reaction is. Even if you're not paying for it (you are through taxes!), it's a service being provided from which you have a right to benefit. It will take some self-confidence, which I understand not having... I use to have no confidence; pretend for that moment that you're Tenou Haruka (this got me through years of awkwardness!) and just do it!!

    The lady sounds like trouble honestly...
     
  6. Dryad

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    Maybe you underestimate the new doctor. Maybe she sent you at them because she thinks they may treat you better, not because she underestimates you. After all, the newbies are doctors, too. :wink: And, maybe a younger person has more possibilities to understand the situation.
    I suggest calling her and asking more information about the new doctor, discussing with her the reasons why she sent you to them and, if you still feel like it, tell her you wanna see her. Don't rush to complain, maybe it's for the best. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Miiaaaaa

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    Honestly, I'd say give the new doctor a go, you never know, they could end up being amazing. If not, ask to see your first doctor again and explain why you don't want to see the new one. :slight_smile:
    I don't know how useful the first doctor was for you in dealing with the ADHD and stuff. But there's no guarantee she'd be any better with trans patients.

    Whatever you choose to do, let us know how it goes? <3 :slight_smile:
     
  8. Monika the Diva

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    I agree with everyone here. Just give the new doctor the benefit of the doubt. You might end up teaching him something. :slight_smile:
     
  9. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Yeah, a woman could be suspicious in front of a female-assigned-at-birth who is a man. Instead, a man (the newbie is a man) could be maybe more friendly and kind.

    I would ask you some questions: Are/were you followed by a male doctor? And do/did you feel at ease with him? How do/did he treat you?


    :icon_bigg I like this advice! :thumbsup: but I think Haruka is too feminine in comparison with me :grin:

    ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2014 at 03:30 PM ----------

    Yeah, I agree with you.


    No, I decided to not call to her. I want to give a change to the newbie, maybe I understimate him.

    ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2014 at 03:35 PM ----------

    Yeah, she could be an expert with ADHD but not with trans patiens. After all, she is quite the same age of my mother.

    Absolutely! Thanks to all of you, you have helped me so much! (*hug*) I decided to be followed by the newbie, I hope he's a competent doctor :slight_smile:

    I will bring you up to date on the situation :slight_smile:
     
    #9 FireSmoke, Apr 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2014
  10. Miiaaaaa

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  11. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Hey, so here is my history: I went to a (cisfemale, straight) counselor at my undergraduate university. While she was ostensibly "trans-friendly," she seemed most interested in blaming my family and society for everything and even suggested that to be happy, I had to cut ties with almost everyone I knew. She was also very condescending and coddling. I then went to see a mind-body counselor (also a straight ciswoman) who, though very nice and affirming, seemed to think that if I only "faced" my body that my dysphoria would go away. Now, I will say that I did experience some relief from working with both of them, the first simply by talking (and ignoring her) and the second by reconsidering things about my physicality that I do like, which did help with my dysphoria so, she was *partially* correct.

    Currently, I'm working with a cismale counselor, and he's awesome. He's affirming but not coddling, persuasive but not overly pushy. He's helped me to understand my own thought processes and evaluate my behavioral patterns. I deal with a lot of guilt and stress in addition to gender stuff so, that is mostly what we've worked on. However, this morning he provided me with a copy of the "Standards of Care," and I feel certain that he would refer me for hormone or surgery if I asked.

    None of this is to say that male doctors are superior to female doctors but it depends upon your personality what will work best/ be most comfortable. When it comes to GPs and psychologists, I prefer male physicians because they tend to be more direct. For PT, I'll take either but women tend to work better for me. For massage, I'll only see women. I don't go to gynecologists or for mammograms but would only see a woman for those if I did. My rule is this: if mostly they will interact with my mind, see a man. If mostly they will interact with my body, see a woman. Yes, this means you may have to mention your (female) body to a man (i.e., "when was your last menstrual cycle," etc.) but it's actually better because they are just as bored and/ or uncomfortable with it as you are whereas women typically can't understand why you're so squeamish about it! :grin:

    Hopefully this provides at least some useful experiential input... Feel free to contact me with other questions. :slight_smile:

    As for Haruka... It depends upon your perception. :icon_wink There's been a great debate raging online over the past at least 14 years (at least that's how long I've been aware of it) as to whether or not the character was supposed to be transmasculine or simply a butch woman. At this point, Takeuchi has more or less forfeit any right to say one way or another and it's left to our imaginations. In my fanfiction, I cast Haruka as transmasculine in various ways (from FtM and having top surgery to Androgyne +/- surgery). I've yet to post any H&M fanfics but Haruka does make an appearance in one of my Setsuna/ Hotaru fics: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/3807395/Raphael-Esposito

    Whether Haruka is trans or not is unimportant. Just channel the confidence. It works but I'll say that it isn't without consequence... A friend recently told me that I was "not a real person. (I) was like some weird lovechild of Sailor Uranus and Sailor Pluto." She meant it "in a good way." Is there a good way to be a fictional character?? :eusa_doh: So yeah... just a disclaimer... :lol:

    Cheers!
     
  12. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest



    Oh, thank you so much for sharing your experience! :icon_bigg And I agree with you all along the line about doctors :slight_smile: (By the way, the GP is the General practitioner but who is the PT?)

    I think Haruka is bigender because she dresses both as a man and a woman. If she's FtM, she couldn't dress as a woman during the battles because the Sailor uniform is very feminine and she would feel very dysphoric.

    I think there shouldn't be relevant problems because my temper is quite similar to Haruka (even if there are some differences between us, she's more sweet and calm than me and she dresses also like a woman, thing I hate so much).
     
    #12 FireSmoke, Apr 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2014
  13. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Glad to be of help! :slight_smile: Your assessment of Haruka is very plausible, however, I can say that to save the world, I'd wear a sailor uniform or a tutu or whatever and just take out my dysphoria on the enemy. XD And I'm assuredly not bigendered. :wink: Of course, I also haven't dressed in women's clothing since I was 12 so, that wound isn't still raw for me... I did try a women's suit on in October and went totally mental so, who knows, maybe I'd just let the world fend for itself. ;P

    Wow... you do realize that probably no one else has a clue what we're talking about, right? Hahaha!!!

    And PT is physical therapy. I've been in two car accidents... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  14. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    :roflmao: You're right! :icon_bigg