Getting sick of this

Alright, so today I went to the library with my brother, and picked up a few books. When I brought my card up to the woman (before I go any further, I want to be clear that I've told NO ONE I know about being trans. However, I do present as a man. I cover it up with the "it's just a pixie cut and comfortable clothing" line). When I gave her my card, she entered it into the system, and said "(my name here) is your mom, then? This is her card?" I basically said "No, that's mine". She looked really confused, and was like "You're (my name)?". I re-iterated with "Yes. It's my card". She THEN said "Oh! I've never heard of a boy named (my name)". I was pretty taken aback. Do I present SO masculine that I'm not even recognized as female when my birth name is pinned on me? I had to say "No. I'm a girl", because my brother was pretty confused at this point.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love being taken for a male. However, I DON'T like being mistaken when I have to correct them. After we left, I brought my brother to the pool and sat on the sides and watched. My mom kept asking why I wouldn't go in, but I said the water was too shallow, and I didn't feel like getting wet. The thing is, I don't want to have to put on a bathing suit and wade awkwardly in the water, trying to hide my chest. I basically just sat there, thinking about how great it would be if I could just wear shorts like the rest of the guys. Knowing that I can't do that is really... REALLY depressing...

Anyways, I don't think there's any question as to whether or not I'm trans* anymore. The only question is whether I'm going to say anything about it. I feel like it'll ruin friendships, and I have one friend in particular who I KNOW won't take it well, and neither will her family. I'd rather continue with my transition when I'm separated from these people (maybe moved away), but it's still a couple years until I'm done my degree. I honestly don't know if I can wait that long.

Every time I'm referred to in female pronouns, I cringe. It's getting more painful the more I accept myself. I avoid going ANYWHERE with people, in fear that strangers will call me "he", and my friends will correct them. I can't even pick up my siblings because I'm afraid of the common "I thought you had a sister?". I hate having to hide myself in fear of embarrassment, but at the same time I'm afraid of being cut off from my loved ones if they don't accept me. I'm still also on the fence about the side-effects of T. What if I DO go on it, and have to come off again because my liver can't handle it? Then where will I be? Is this whole thing worth changing my entire life over?

Sorry for the rant. It's just getting harder and harder to deal with this on my own. I can't think straight anymore. Anyone else having similar experiences?