For over half my life I've had a really hard time expressing myself, (and the other half I was really shy.) I don't know what it is, or if it relates at all to me being trans, but most of the time (especially at school) I have absolutely nothing to say. A lot of people, it seems, have a system that goes something like this: 1. Things you want to talk to other people about 2. Things you want to keep to yourself. I, for some reason, have hardly anything in 1. And most of the things that ARE in 1 I only post here. The girls I hang out with right now really annoy me, but I just can't even bother to make new friends so I keep to myself. But on all those personality tests I always score "extroverted". Weird. Today those girls were flirting with some guys and I was probably expected to too, but I couldn't. With the mismatch between my body and mind (I'm still presenting as a girl in real life), casual flirting makes me very uncomfortable. Yesterday evening I also felt this weird sort of rage at, well, everything. As you can see, not the best last few days. That's it. Thanks for reading my rant.
I was/am a lot like you described to the point where people asked me if I was medicated or something. I used to go days literally not saying a word to anyone who wasn't a teacher or family member. I'm still very, very shy, but I can now order my own food at restaurants, at least! Lately though, especially after coming out I've been social at a level I couldn't have imagined a year or so ago, maybe even oversharing at times, which is weird because I consistently get "introvert" on personality tests.
Yep, I can relate. I used to be so withdrawn I was literally called a hermit by a few people. Hell, I'm still fairly withdrawn, but I find that as I continue on down this path I am becoming more able to express myself with others. I think it has to do with the mentality that there is a need to keep everything close to the chest in order to avoid problems from others. Well, I'm not quite sure if you're the same as me, but I can tell you that whenever I go out presenting as male I do get frustrated with everything pretty quick. Seriously, like within five minutes of putting on those :***: clothes I want to put my fist through a wall. Once I started to acknowledge who I am, the thought of going back to how I was before upsets me. Perhaps the your anger is similar to this. Anyways, just hang in there and things will get better (*hug*)
I can kind of relate there. But lately I've been a little better at talking to people. I'm forcing myself to be more social and outgoing!
