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Not sure if I'm transgender (mtf)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Polka, Apr 12, 2014.

  1. Polka

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    Hello people,

    I'm just curious, I've only just been able to put together some strange things that have happened in my life and it's pointed to me questioning my gender.

    I've got an older sister and when I was younger she used to dress me up in some of her clothes as a laugh ( I always loved it and used to hope she done it more often) she used to put fake nails on me and everything. I never thought much of it until now, I remember once when my friend came round I asked him if he wanted to dress up like girls and go out in public like it, the thought of actually doing this really excited me. Even now I think about dressing up like a girl and it still makes me happy.

    I've never liked to show my body off in public, I don't have a bad figure at all, I'm tall and slim but I just hate taking my top off or showing my legs, as I question my gender I think it might be a suppressed psychological feeling where I hate the body I'm in.

    When I think about my gender I don't think of myself as a male or a female, I just know I'm human but that's the same as everybody and everything, I just see them for what they are.

    The last thing that I can think of is that I hate my body hair (there's a lot of it) I just want to get rid of it all, again, could be something to do with me hating my shell but I have no idea... I'm just confused.

    I'd love to hear what you all think, I've never really spoken to anybody about this before so I'm not sure what to make of it.

    Thank you
     
  2. Techno Kid

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    Have you thought aboutthe possibility of being non binary? They are people who have gender identities that don't fit within the accepted binary of male and female. They can feel they are both, neither, or some mixture.
     
  3. Polka

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    I haven't, I've never heard of that before.
    It does make sense but when I ask myself what gender I would be happier as, Female is always my first though, then I think go the problems that converting would bring and I just give up, I'm so confused at the moment.
     
  4. Techno Kid

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    Well if you would be happier as a female than that's what you should go for. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Acm

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    I'm not an expert but it does sound like you could be trans.
     
  6. Calix

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    The real question is do you feel so strongly that you're female that you are willing to endure the problems? And if you choose not to transition, would you honestly be able to live as equally happy spending your life as a guy? Transition is a long process as is coming out to people. I'm not trying to put you off in anyway. I'm just explaining.

    But if you feel that as you are, you are too depressed/something very strongly wrong, then you should investigate your feelings more. If you can't be happy as a guy, and know you should be a girl, then screw the problems :grin:
     
  7. Just Jess

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    Hi Polka,

    I think a better way of looking at all this is, what do I need to do? And what am I not doing just because I'm afraid?

    Shaving your legs is a good example. How would you feel if you never shave them? How will shaving them make you feel? Why haven't you shaved them? Why would you shave them? What would happen if you did?

    The reason a lot of us end up with "package deals" so to speak and do a whole transsexual transition is because some of the things we end up discovering we need to do, like hormones for some of us, have other consequences. For instance, I don't want to have to bind my breasts every day when I go into work, or be terrified whenever I have to use the bathroom. The fact is that socially transitioning is something else I want, and in fact need, to do anyway. Even if that weren't the case though, missing pieces could each cause problems.

    But my point is, not socially transitioning is just a choice too. It has its own consequences. For some people, those consequences are okay and not socially transitioning is the right move. The truth is, a "package deal" transsexual transition almost always has a few differences between people. Sometimes those problems the missing pieces cause, are okay compared to the cost, and you would not get a lot of benefit from them. So people don't, for instance, socially transition sometimes. I am personally not one of those people.

    I think you do need to look deep down and figure out who you really are, what you can't change, and to make friends with that person and learn how to work with them. With me, part of that person is a part of me that will never go away, that needs to be a girl. But I think the way to do that is to look at what you need to do to be happy. Some can, but I don't think most people can just start at the end of that maze.

    I read an article forever ago on another forum that put it this way. Imagine you could start out with a doll. And just change this doll however you wanted to. And when you got done, the doll became a body you lived inside. Tell me everything you can about that doll.

    It's okay too if that doll's a boy, that just needs to be a girl every now and then. It's okay if it's a girl. It's your doll.
     
  8. BookDragon

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    Damn it Cassie, why are you making me cry at 11am...
     
  9. Just Jess

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    Sorry :frowning2: I'm a morning person here in the states. I hope it's in a good way at least.
     
  10. Polka

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    Thank you everyone for helping me, I guess I just needed a little confirmation.
    I haven't gone to any councillors so I thought I would just have to deal with it, it's nice to know that people are there to help.

    Where would I even start transitioning?
    Thank you again
     
  11. BookDragon

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    No...no I will resist the urge to give you the full essay...must resist!

    OK Polka. Transitioning 101!

    Step 1. Remove the word "transition" from your vocabulary and never look at it again. :slight_smile:

    That is transitioning 101.

    See the thing is a 'transition' is whatever an individual feels they need to do. When most people think of 'transitioning' they seem to get this idea that there is a set list of things - as Cassie put it a "package deal" that they need to do. But it isn't the case. A lot of us WILL do the same things and go transition 'fully' (if such a thing exists) but the order doesn't matter as much.

    So instead of asking us what you should do, ask yourself what you WANT to do.

    Personally, I would shave. You've said specifically that you hate your body hair, so I would get rid of it.

    When I started I think the first thing I did was either guy some women's underwear or perhaps start growing and shaping my finger nails.

    Just take little steps that you think will make you feel good about who you are.
     
  12. Calix

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    If you're wanting a specific list of what you can do, then we can give that. But rather than looking at the thing as a whole and the end product, I'd take it a step at a time. Do what you feel comfortable doing when you feel comfortable doing it. A good way to determine if you are/aren't trans is to try some of this stuff out in private. If you feel better dressing as a girl/shaving legs/etc, then maybe that'll help answer your question.
     
  13. Polka

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    Okay, haha thank you... Little steps, I'm sure I can do that!
    Thank you!
     
  14. tobeanne

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    Hi Polka,

    I just want to say that shaving off my body hair--and I too have lots of it--was a real step for me, especially the hair on my arms and hands. But after I did it, I discovered that I really liked looking at myself, especially my hairless legs. So try it, step by step, and see what you think.
     
  15. Miiaaaaa

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    That's exactly what I was like (and still am on some days), but the more time that passes, the more worth it the problems become! Eventually you might hit a point where transitioning provides more good than bad. But maybe that won't happen. Take things as they are and see what happens. :slight_smile:
     
  16. Gates

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    <<< also wants to cry. :tears: