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I fucked up...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JennyKeys, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. JennyKeys

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    So yesterday I was going to attempt to come out to some friends. But goddammit, I didn't expect it to be so hard... I even spent like half an hour in the bathroom silent sobbing about it and passed it off like I'd taken a giant shit...

    Anyway, I was upset about how I was unable to tell them and I started to wonder if I should, or could, tell anyone at all. One of the friends I was planning to tell figured out that something was up and started trying to get me to tell her what it is. I still haven't told them, I just can't bring myself to do it. But anyway, I think I've really upset and alienated some of my friends after this whole debacle, and even if I stay closeted, it's not like it could go back to how it used to be since they know that something's up, just not what it is. Goddamn I feel like that giant shit I pretended to take.
     
  2. Calix

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    Hey, if you weren't ready to tell them, you weren't ready. It happens. And maybe them knowing something is up could be a good thing. Maybe next time your on your own with a friend, if they ask you what was wrong you might find it easier to tell them then.

    Remember this is about you, and you have to do this at your own speed. If you're not ready to tell your friends, then that's fine. You don't owe them an explanation at the end of the day.
     
  3. BookDragon

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    If you've upset some of your friends now, so be it, because honestly when you DO manage to tell them, any half-way-decent friend is going to feel worse than you do that they were mad.

    It's a massive thing to tell someone and it is amazingly hard to tell the people that mean a lot to you. Don't beat yourself up about it!
     
  4. JennyKeys

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    So the argument ended last night with me telling the one friend in pretty harsh terms how part of why I didn't want to come out to her is because she constantly makes fun of men who do/wear effeminate things. She didn't respond and I'm pretty sure I really upset her. Also the one friend who already knows is upset with me for not 'trusting them enough to come out' and he hasn't replied to me in a while, even after I apologized for getting him involved. I think I may have lost a couple of friends.
     
  5. BookDragon

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    You lost a couple of bad friends. Who says something like that to a person!
     
  6. WillowRose

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    The fact that they thought it was about their fee-fees rather than being about your readiness (or not) to feel safe coming out to them is, as the always-wise Holly suggests, simply confirmation that you were right not to feel ready.

    Sorry you had to deal with their BS.
     
  7. JennyKeys

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    Well, she texted me just now and apologized for pressuring me and for hurting my feelings and shit. I'm gonna see her tonight, so we'll see how things go.
     
  8. Miiaaaaa

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    If you're not ready to come out, then don't! But also bare in mind, it's probably never going to be completely uncomfortable!

    And good luck!<3 :slight_smile:
     
  9. PeytonRose

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    Everyone above me is right. This is a BIG personal thing that you're dealing with. It is 100% up to you when and to who you come out to. Truth be told if you did end up losing friends then that just means you didn't need them in your life in the first place (that sounded blunt, I'm sorry).

    ---------- Post added 19th Apr 2014 at 04:05 AM ----------

    Best of luck to you though! We're here for support if you need us :slight_smile:
     
  10. flatlander48

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    You have to remember that coming out is some heavyweight stuff. There's a lot of emotions wrapped up in it and it is no easy matter. While there is a lot of fear and uncertainty, often things go much better than we thought. However, usually that thought won't keep us from being very apprehensive beforehand.

    One of the things that is always part of my thinking is what the future looks like. As you cannot unring a bell, you cannot untell anyone. I think about whether or not I will be perceived differently, but perhaps that is just me.
     
  11. Gates

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    I have effectively been living as a male for 14 years and I just now came out. You can do this but it will take some time and especially patience with yourself. Don't stress yourself needlessly. When you're ready, it'll happen and those who love you will stick with you.

    Good luck. (*hug*)
     
  12. JennyKeys

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    Well, on Friday they both apologized and stuff and we just kinda went on like nothing happened. Earlier today I asked the one friend how much the guy who knows had told her when she was trying to figure it out. She told me that he told her about me being trans, but he only told her and she hadn't told anyone either. Apparently figuring it out kinda made her realize she was being a dick and that's what prompted the apology. I was a little upset at the guy for outing me when I'd told him not to, but I was thinking about telling her anyway after she'd apologized and stuff so I wasn't too upset. So it seems everything's okay for now, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna tell anyone else or not. I'm still super freaked out at the idea of telling people, but I kinda want to be able to. Idk, I'll just see how things go I guess.