Depression and Identity

See I'm struggling to the point in my life that I don't feel dysphoria but damn I would love to be out completely, but I'm still unable to do so.

But had I true dysphoria and figured myself out at your age, I'd definitely have came out. Think of it this way. Make yourself happy or make others. If you're going to live in misery not being yourself, then fine that's your call (like mine to not come out to everyone yet), but it sounds like to me that coming out will remove your personal burden. You're young and are not established in the world and developing your identity. Use that freedom I wish I had. That's just my input.

Stay strong brother.

 

Boy, can I relate. That's about where I was a year ago, and in some ways still am.

Sure. Realizing you're trans is a huge relief but if you're not depressed and or anxious when it all kind of hits you, I'd be surprised. I mean, man, think about it. You've realize that you're not what you tried and forced yourself to be- a female- even though everyone assumes and wants you to be just what you're not. By being yourself, you're going down a road that not everyone's going to accept. Factor in even stronger feelings of dysphoria and what you've got, my friend, is a mess.

Coming out? I'd recommend it. I think for me, took me a little under six months after I'd come to my initial realizations to finally come out to family. Now, for me, didn't really go so well but I wouldn't say my experiences are necessarily going to be yours. What I will recommend, though, is expecting any possibility. Your family might say "hell no". But they might say "hell yes." I think you just have to decide whether your happiness and comfort is more important that being someone you're not.

Your family will one day come around- even if that takes a damn long time. It's your life, after all. They're not living through it.

And then, really, you've gotta do whatever you can in the meantime to make life easier. Bind. Wear the right clothes. Cut your hair. Research transition and find yourself a gender therapist. And even just stupid crap like picking up a hobby, gaming, working out, or whatever floats your boat.

Dysphoria and being trans? It can be a real bitch. But it doesn't have to be hell.

 

This.

Also, the quicker you can accept who you are and where you are in lift, the happier you can be.

 

OK, first of all, the term "normal" is very subjective. Normal and typical aren't the same thing. You shouldn't waste your efforts wish that you weren't trans because the fact is, you are. Now, you have to decide what to do with this information.

There is a risk of losing some people when/ if you transition but those who truly love you will stick by you or come around eventually. It took my mother 14 years to come around but she has.

I think what you need to do is consider the possibility of living a lie as an impossibility. If you do this, you won't be happy. Now, there may be a way for you to sort of play both sides but I don't recommend it personally.

Think about what it is that you feel you need to be happy, maybe write it down or post it here or whatever but you need to face your happiness instead of your misery.

And "making it past 20" is mandatory. :dry:

 

I'm 31 and just figured out my true identity. It's been mostly a huge relief and has helped immensely with making sense of my life and everything I've done/didn't do and felt. I'm trying to focus on the positives and I feel pretty good. My mind is clear for once.

I look at all the time in my past that I spent miserable, suicidal, not caring about anything or anyone (myself especially), not allowing anyone to get too close to me because I knew it wouldn't matter... However, for the first time I also see a future. That has never happened before. With it comes a great deal of sadness and panic, that I have wasted so much time, and I hope it's not too late to really be happy. And that? Well, it's more than worth it. Just that chance that I'll be happy.

So far, only my best friend (and the people here) know. He took it extremely well. I keep thinking about what will happen when I tell my parents and sister and I have no idea. Maybe they'll be okay with it. Maybe not. But I can't live this lie any longer because I wasn't living at all. You don't want to be where I am.

At one time I never thought I'd live to 30. In fact, I didn't want to. Now, I'm scared I won't get another 30 to enjoy myself and really live.

We get one shot, man (well, depends on what you believe I suppose) but THIS life, the one you've got right now. That is YOURS and yours alone. Do not try living it for others.

 

As someone who struggled with depression for a long time, I think it's important to focus on living well and cross all the other bridges (what will my family think, etc) when it's time to cross them. It's hard to look at anything difficult as something other than a death sentence to your social or emotional life when you're down low, whether the depression is caused by a chemical imbalance or by life circumstances. If the source of it all is that you don't feel like yourself or like you're interacting with the world in a way that's natural and makes sense (which it was for me), it may be more pressing.

I would have been terrified several years ago of thinking about an alternative gender identity, but feeling like I know what's important for me to be above all, where I need to go, and what I need to do makes most of the consequences null. If I lose people, or lose reputation, I'll survive with a bigger picture and meaning intact - and surviving is all that's needed to start anew. I first had to dispose of the belief that my very personality was wrong and that my values were unreasonable, which was pressed on me by my parents and even by a few former friends I cut out of my life.

There are forums like this, therapists, and more for anyone who finds themselves in need. Depression and anxiety are familiar to quite a few people for quite a few reasons, so you're not facing this alone.

 

When it comes to Identity i took this quote from one of my posts. I had a very profound two years before i found myself. I never dealt with depression, i have always been more of a happy person than a sad person. I hope we can help you in some way. Just keep your chin up and take time to find yourself. It is not an easy road.

 

You have a plan. No rush. Stay strong bro.