My cousins wedding is coming up and my mom wants me to wear a skirt... I'm not out to her to her yet. I don't know how to tell her Im not comfortable wearing it without coming out to her. All I know is that if I wear the skirt I won't be comfortable and won't have a good time.
Wow, that is deep. Umm, I think that you should see if you feel safe coming out to her, and just go for it...
Yeesh. I know that feel, bro. I'm actually a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding. She's getting married next month, and she's having me wear a dress. I personally have just come to the conclusion that I'm just going to wear it. I'm not going to fuss because I don't want to out myself and upstage my friend at the same time. That day is about her, and I think it should stay that way. Of course, you won't be on stage with the bride (Am I right?), so wearing pants shouldn't be distracting like it would be if I did it. Maybe you could start by asking your mom why you can't just wear some dress pants. I've been to plenty of weddings where female guests wore pants as long as they weren't jeans. Unfortunately, though, if that doesn't help your case, you're probably just going to have to come out if you don't want to wear a skirt. I wish you the best of luck. I hope this works out for you.
Yeah, I mean, I know I'll have to wear a dress to my best friend's wedding, which won't be for years. I'll likely have had top surgery by then and everything but meh, drag for a night isn't lethal. :bang:
I know my view is limited as a cisgender male. But I'll echo the idea of trying for some sort of dress pants as mentioned above. One thing that might help is talking to your cousin and finding out just what the expectations of how formal the wedding would be. With luck, you might get a blessing to go ahead and wear nice looking pants. One thought: I don't know the numbers, but I'd be willing to bet that there are lots of cisgender women who hate skirts or dresses (and possibly even totally refuse to wear one). Another thought. If you are stuck, can't come out yet: it's only one event. And your clothes are not ever who you are. Best of luck! I've never been in this position, but I can imagine how painful it must be.
This seems as good of a time as any to go ahead and come out to your mom (as long as you feel safe). It might improve your relationship with her and help her understand just how uncomfortable it can be. Although clothes don't make a person who they are, we do use them as a way to manage our impression to others, and when those clothes don't "fit" it changes people's perceptions of us to ways we don't want them perceiving us. And as much as we all like to say things like "I don't care what other people think" - we do. We are social creatures and we care. Some times we don't care about all people and what they think, but we still care. I would take this opportunity to come out to your mom.
Besides, you'd actually be there as a man in very convincing drag. Think of as a performance that would scandalize people if only they knew? Hmm, maybe not that helpful. But it's a thought.
