Hello everyone !:icon_wink As the title mentions it, i've been quite confused about my gender lately ... In elementary school, my mum let me choose my clothes, and i prefered dressing like a boy. I had mostly guy friends, played "guys sports" like soccer. I was aware that I was biologically a girl, but i knew that i was "different" in my mind. I even told my mum that I was a "boy into a girl's body"! When middle school arrived i got bullied for my way of dressing, so i got introverted and dressed with girl's clothing ! And if that wasn't enough, I hit puberty (or puberty hit me, and it hurt) ... when as a kid i thought that when this time would come, my body would realize it belongs to a boy and i'll have my voice changing, and a penis growing out of nowhere (yeah, sooo ignorant ^^) ! At first, it was hard, but as the time went, it started to get better. Now, i'm almost 17, i'm in high school, I'm moslty atracted to girls. I'm out to my friends and a few other people, and sometimes say to my best friends that i'm a boy in a girl's body ... but i dress with women clothes, i wear makeup, and somehow like it, ... I know that if could go back to when i was born, and was given the power to choose my gender, i would choose to be a guy ! And i wish i could transition, and above all have the courrage to. But at the same time, i don't want to leave my feminity behind, because i'm not feeling so bad about it, and I'm somehow ok with the body i was given (it could be a lot worse ^^) !! I really don't know, maybe i'm tran*, mybe bigender, agender, maybe something else... I'm soo lost ! Thanks if you can help me
Your situation doesn't sound so different from mine. I use to think that I would spontaneously become male and was very disappointed when that didn't happen. Now, I can't say if you are, in fact, trans* but it sounds like it to me. I'm not the most masculine guy around and I use to hate that but then, as I've grown up, I've accepted that I am more than the sum of my components: I'm my own unique being and so are you. The fact is, I *could* put on make up and girl clothes and honestly, I'd probably make a more handsome woman than man but even knowing that, I know that I would feel sick inside. Being forced to be someone that you aren't is incredibly tiring and often feels like a slow poison trying to destroy your essence and leave a doll behind. For me, that's what it felt like to lie. How do you feel living as a girl? Could you live happily that way for a lifetime?
No one but you can say for sure if you're trans, but I think you sound trans. Trans guys can still be feminine and like womens clothing.
Thanks to all of you for answering Well actually, I don't feel so bad about it right now. It might have been a pain in the ass to live as a girl sometimes in the past, but now it doesn't bother me that much ! But honnestly, if i could wake up tomorrow mornig and be a guy, it would be awsome, and i'd still prefer to be a guy if i could choose ! Then, for the second question, i don't know ... that's what has been tormenting me lately ! I sometimes imagine myself in my future life, and i don't really see myself with a gender, it's like i'm nothing, i'm genderless (or between genders ?) ... and when i force myself to think about a gender, i end up being a bodybuilded sexy guy (yummy ^^) ! But I don't see myself transitioning, and honeslty, i don't want to, i'm a afraid of that ! And when i went to the mall yesterday, with binded chest, boy's clothes and no makeup, i was "passing" quite well, but when someone "mistakened" me with a guy, i felt sooo weird, and i'm not so sure i liked it ... (and just a question, just by curiosity: can you identify as trans*, even if you don't want to transition, or pass ?)
Well, not all transgender people can or care to pass, and not all transition so, if you identify as outside of being a cisgender girl, then yeah. You may be agender even but it still falls under the trans* umbrella. Could you elaborate on how you felt when people thought you were a guy?
Well, both times it happened were when i purposely wanted it to happen, so I felt like it was right, like i've reached my goal, i was proud to be mistaken as a guy. But at the same time, i'm not used to it at all, and it was akward. On the moment, i felt irritated, maybe insulted, i don't really know. All i know is that it was not the best feeling. Thinking back about it, made me realize it was maybe not so bad, and i even smiled about it, but i don't really want people to use male pornouns. I wont deny that i felt good passing for a guy, but i felt like iv'e changed myself to the world, and as i've been feeling like that my whole life, it doesn't have to be a changing. I didn't change, it's always been like that so i don't see why I should be called otherwise. I don't know if you get the point of what i'm saying, it's not even clear in my head so how can i explain it right ! ^^
