Okay so maybe it's not my place to be here for her but i really kind of want to help out in any way, i can. so my friend, she's gay basically and...but she doesn't like the fact, that she is gay. she thinks being gay is wrong. her parents think it's wrong and all that good stuff so and i know, i'm on the gender side of this forum so i'll get down to it. I'm not sure, how to help out here but this is what i know, she doesn't have any knowledge on anything LGBT, and recently, it was gender. she thinks there isn't a difference between gender and sex when there is. she basically told me, she wants to have a penis and all and i was talking to her about it and saying how it's okay and all, explaining the difference between gender and sex and she said this "i'm not stupid. Your stupid for not knowing the difference between a guy and a girl. -_- I am not confused. Im a girl. I just would rather not be. Thats all there is to it" and this "Well its stupid to identify as something different then you are in my opinion" she basically thinks that because she has a vagina (sex), she has to identify as female which isn't true obviously and i'm sure how to get her to understand. i asked her some questions about how she feels about wanting to be a guy, like if she would prefer male pronouns and such and i'm just gonna put two quotes down. "No I would prefer being born with a dick but sometimes shit you want doesn't happen in life and I gotta suck it the fuck up" "I dont care about having a penis in general. Lol I just want to be a guy and have everything that comes with it" Now, I'm not sure how to help her out here, i want to give her as much support as i can you know? she said, she's felt this way for as long as she can remember and I don't know. she doesn't know anything about gender identity or even sexuality but even if she did, she wouldn't accept because of the morals in her family. her family taught her being gay is totally wrong and now she believes it's wrong and hates the way she feels and wishes every day, that she could be "Normal" and go to mall with her friend, buy prom dresses and talk about boys and i feel so bad for her because she puts herself down because she was told, it's wrong. i don't know how to help, or get her to understand anything LGBT, should i even try? it just hurts me to know, she hates herself. if you have to move this thread, you can. i didn't know where to put it, i was going to talk about the gender issue but i'm not her, i just want to know, how to explain her feelings properly and how to try and get her to understand
She's obviously struggling with what it means to be trans. It sounds like she's in the anger or denial step. This doesn't seem odd based on what you've said about her and her background. When she figures out her gender identity be there to support it whether she remains a her or decides that she is actually a he. Self loathing is what some of is went through. I... Kind of did. It took me a while to get over it. She's at the start of a long struggle with gender identity. And if she's so loath to even talk about it, I wouldn't press the issue or even try to educate her on it... yet.
yeah, i mean. i don't bring up the topic usually, or press on except this time because i just curious about it, you know. i dont know much myself about gender identity but i still, continue to educate myself on it. even if i'm not trans. i just hate, how she says these things about herself, "wanting to be normal" and all. i'll be there for her. no matter what don't worry and i won't press on about the issue, thank you for the advice she does have a long struggle ahead, i guess i just hate seeing it for her
~I'm sorry I'm tired, but I'd love to help~ you can message me if you want, but try, maybe when she's in a better mood, bring it up a bit. Also, get the point across that there is gender IDENTITY and BIOLOGICAL sex makes sure to say gender identity has nothing to do with biological sex, because it is based on a person's feelings and personality sometimes. say sex is based on sexual reproduction organs. If you want, say that people live as the opposite sex, but get the point across that they're biologically male but living female as their gender identity or vice versa. maybe say these people are called transgenders and have nothing to do with crossdressing (technically) hope that helped and that your friend feels better, Adam
You might want to inform her the difference between transgender and transexual as well. Not everyone who is transgender is transexual or wants to be. Socially and medically transitioning are two different things.
i have, and she just says stuff like "it doesn't matter, i'm a girl, i can't change, i am who i am" again thinking that because, she has a vagina, it's out of question.
Maybe give her some information or tell her about EC. Then just make sure she knows that no matter what, you're there for her and let her come to you if she needs help. I know you're just being nice and trying to help, but bringing it up a lot or forcing it won't help.
I can definitely relate on the self loathing part. Please be patient with her. She needs time for herself and do some soul searching. The best advice I can give is ask her what she wants to be. And who she wants to be. My aunt asked me a question once. She asked me what's your biggest dream? I didnt have an answer at the time. But when I found myself I said "my dream is to give birth." But you and I know that can never be achieved with today's technology. But I also came up with my secondary dream which could be achieved. That dream is to become the first female doctor in the family. Just give her time and give her something to think about. It took me 33 years to realize that internally I identified as female. And now when I lost my virginity I made the same connection with my body. Remember it takes time if your friend is in her early 20's that would be the best time to figure things out. A gender threapist helps but it's one's heart that will truly guide someone on this journey.
