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Several big hits and a couple deep misses yesterday :\

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PeytonRose, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. PeytonRose

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    So Good news or bad news first?

    We'll start with the bad I guess:

    I have a friend who is the best of the best friends a girl could ask for. Her and I are super close. She messaged me yesterday and told me that she believes that in her heart of hearts I'm on the wrong path and believes that since I was super depressed as a guy, failed a couple times, etc. that I think becoming female would be easier. I told her that's not the case but it hurt at the same time because she's the one that I was hoping for all my support from. It didn't matter who fought against me as long as she was standing by my side. But she isn't. She's standing far back and wishing I was still a guy. She loved that guy and doesn't think that this is me. I fired back with a couple shots of my own and told her that when I look in the mirror I can smile at myself for once because I've never been so happy with myself. I don't know. What she said hurt deep just because anything she says I usually take to heart and at one point I would have said that she was always right. Now though it just sounds like she is having issues accepting who I want to be, who I AM. I don't want to lose my best friend because she's the one that allowed me to start breaking out of my shell and I don't know where I would be without her. If I hadn't met her it's quite possible I wouldn't be here on this forum today or even on this Earth. It's a scary thought. But I'm going to keep on doing what I do because it feels right. I just hope that someday she can accept me and still continue to be my friend because if not, it's going to hurt, a lot. Thinking about it makes me want to cry.





    Onto the good news though: I kind of came out at work last night. I answer the phones at Home Depot and yesterday with a couple people I answered the phone, "Thank you for calling the Cheektowaga Home Depot, this is Sofiya. How may I help you?" One of my managers was on the other end. She said, "Huh, who is this? This is Ashley." I stammered and said, "Oh, this is Pat." We continued on the phone conversation but at the end of my shift I confronted her about it (since I was planning on coming out to the managers anyways next week). She was SUPER supportive, said that she was proud of me and thanked me for being honest with her. She even volunteered to call Home Depot's HR corporate HR to see what accommodations (if any) should be made for my transition and seeing if there are any benefits that Home Depot offers to people in my situation. All in all it was a positive experience :slight_smile: I was just REALLY happy after that.
     
  2. Calix

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    Unfortunately I don't have advice with your best friend. Just give it time and communicate to her how much happier you are when you are recogonised/present as female. Maybe you could try explaining body dysphoria to her as well?

    But big congrats on things at work! I can definitely say the happiest moment for me was when I came out at work xD I hope it all goes well. You have a very supportive manager, so you'll be able to go to her if you run into any problems with co-workers.
     
  3. Miiaaaaa

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    I'm sure she'll come around.

    And that's awesome news. :slight_smile: <3
     
  4. BradThePug

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    I hope that your friend will come around with time. Hopefully she'll be able to see that you are on the right path.

    It's awesome that Home Depot is being accepting of your transition!
     
  5. PeytonRose

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    She's one of the assistant store managers at my store. She asked if I minded if she told anyone else. I asked her just the other managers in the store which is what she was thinking anyways.

    I talked to her today and she said she put in my ticket number with HR :slight_smile:
     
  6. WillowRose

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    What a cool workplace, and a cool manager! That's got to feel wonderful.
     
  7. Kasey

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    Glad your work went well. I hope your friend comes around.

    I'm going to put it all out there tomorrow myself with one...
     
  8. PeytonRose

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    Good luck!!!!! Let us know how it goes!!!!
     
  9. PeytonRose

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    So I've felt really depressed since this happened. If I would have had anyone's support it would have been hers. I feel like with her behind me I can withstand armies and hordes and monsters, teamed up with alien ninja pirates. With her not agreeing with me? My confidence has taken a major hit but it's also reinforced in my heart of hearts that this is what's right for me and I've finally found myself.

    My confidence has taken a hit, I just have to work it back up again but I know I've found myself finally. It's such an amazing feeling. It just hurts that the bestie isn't on board and doesn't see me eye to eye. She has called me "girl" once. After that she just ignored it and then there's that conversation she had where she basically said that she doesn't believe in her heart of hearts I'm female. Her words cut deep, hers are the only words that could inflict this much damage on my self confidence. Sucks.
     
  10. Just Jess

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    (*hug*) Some people really have the hard time seeing us as us for a long time. I'm so glad things seem to be going okay at work though!

    My best friend since childhood was the only one of my friends that wasn't trans supportive. In his mind,
    woman means you can get pregnant
    . I didn't have any debates with him over it, I just said this was something I needed to do. We both used to practice kendo together so we just talked about that.

    It really sucks that I'm not as close to him as I used to be. But you know, I have discovered I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.

    It's not all downer. Some people that I thought would never see the real me, have been the most supportive. I'm a lot closer to some of my other friends than I used to be. Some of the people that thought I wasn't really a woman or were saying a lot of the stuff your friend is saying, kind of changed their tune after I started being myself more and more. I think it's just that I kept myself hidden so well no one ever got to see her.
     
  11. Kasey

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    Yea... I'm freaked out about tomorrow myself now.

    I can't sleep.

    (&&&) stay strong sister.
     
  12. PeytonRose

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    You too! Get some sleep though! We're here for you if you need it :slight_smile:(*hug*)

    (Also, try this to fall asleep too. It helps me fall asleep and stay asleep until the alarms go off in the morning.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l13TSFrNgM
     
  13. Katelyn93

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    I am so sorry to hear about your friend, I know that feeling all too well. I have a friend as well who I am very close with, though we have our hard times and have stopped talking for extended periods of times of me being irrational since we are best friends but I am badly in love with her (besides the point), who was the first person I willingly told about my cross-dressing since it is a huge thing for me that freaked me out. She was supportive about it and suggested all sorts of things and wanted to come along and so on, see it for herself (never did happen though) but I held her input, support and judgment in high regard. I felt like she would support me no matter what and that made me pretty happy and brave, confident as well.
    So she texts me one day and says I am lost and she doesn't want to see me stray any further from the path of God, bringing religion into the thing (she knows I hate that) and then tells me that if I would just submit to religion I would be healed. She told me that going further down this road would be a mistake. You know how that feels I wager. Daggers in places mushier than marshmallows, causing pain on a galactic scale inside.
    Without her I continued a bit and well I feel I was able to get my footing because she helped me up but I had to learn to stand on my own eventually.
    We still talk but we are now very distant. I sent her a photo of me in a some girl clothes this weekend (my profile picture) and she was actually complimenting me and asking how far I have went and asked for pictures when I finally try my hand at makeup. I think she came to realize I am still me and that clothes and so on doesn't make a difference but I think you can say she went full circle. I hope your friend comes around as well, just give her a chance and the benefit of the doubt.
    Either way though, I think you could look at it as a growing experience, perspective makes a difference I think.
     
  14. PeytonRose

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    If nothing else it's cemented the FACT that I am female into my mind, so that's something I guess. It just sucks because she was the one person I KNEW would support me no matter what. She isn't a religious person though so I guess I won't have to worry about that (because I hate having religious stuff thrown down my throat).

    I don't know, I just feel like I can withstand anything while she's standing with me and now that she isn't? It feels wrong and my self confidence took a major major hit. I'll gain it back sure, but it just stinks.
     
  15. PeytonRose

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    And I just had another close friend tell me that she doesn't believe I'm female and she "isn't feeling it." Granted she also said that she loves me no matter what and will also support me no matter what because who knows me better than me and she doesn't know me on that intimate of a level.

    The catch is that this is REALLY digging into my self confidence right about now.

    ---------- Post added 24th Apr 2014 at 03:43 PM ----------

    Annnnndddd to top it off it seems I have lost my debit card. Freaking fantastic