So my sister, who's transgender, is starting to seriously transition after years of consideration, and months that I've known about it. I've tried to be as supportive as possible, and I think we've grown closer over this time because of it. The thing is, I'm moving about 10 hours from home for grad school in a couple months. I'm going to miss some really big changes in how she expresses who she is - her appearance, speech, behavior, maybe even her way of thinking. I want to see her presenting herself as a very different person by the time I visit home again, because I know that will be more in line with how she feels. But on the other, I sometimes worry that without being there for her gradual changes, it might feel like she's suddenly a different person who I don't completely know anymore in 6 months or a year when I come home again. From your experiences, as people who've transitioned yourselves or watched others close to you transition - are my concerns justified at all? Obviously I plan for us to keep in touch, but what else can I do to help make sure we don't drift apart?
Well, you're going to notice one change, the smile on her face! She's still the same person, just her body and clothes will be better suited to her.
Disclaimer: I have not transitioned myself nor have I watched anyone close to me (unless you count fictional characters ) do so, but I feel I have something to add to the conversation nonetheless. Maybe take a webcam with you (and buy her one if she doesn't already have one) and skype every so often? It's not perfect, but you'd see more of the gradual changes and maybe feel more in touch with her transition. As others have said, she'll still be the person you always knew regardless, although I can understand the fear of her seeming like a completely different person on a superficial level. If you're worried about not being able to look past that at first, you could probably avoid that shock by seeing her face a few times a week on a webcam if you want to correspond that way.
Thanks for your replies guys! I know transitioning isn't going to change who she is deep down, but it definitely has an affect on how lots of people act, doesn't it? Like in my sister's case, she's always been very quiet, and from what she's told me I think she's felt like she was never comfortable expressing herself when she was being perceived as a male. I guess I'm worried that I don't fully know her now, and I don't want to be left behind in getting to know the sides of her that might come out as she transitions. I do have a webcam and I think that's a good idea. Definitely a step up from texting and phone calls.
I would share this sentiment with her. I mention it because I'd be so touched I might even tear up. Seriously on the video chat, it helps!
