It's weird- I can't explain it. I guess being a guy isn't the most miserable thing in the world, though it kind of stinks due to the pressures from the world, especially when I can't outwardly express my feelings about life (not related to gender dysphoria). Nobody wants to listen, not even (or especially not even) girls. Only a therapist who looks at me strangely for being so emotional. Also, being a girl seems like so much fun! It would give me the motivation to wake up in the morning and feel happy. I could pamper myself whenever I wanted to, do my hair, makeup, and wear a really cute outfit at any time. And people would be more responsive to how I feel. It really seems like heaven on earth sometimes. When I see a girl in a pretty dress, I get jealous of her, even if I'm sexually with her at the same time. If it wasn't meant to be, well maybe it wasn't meant to be. It's just hard to live like that, knowing I can't be free to act as feminine as I'd like to. I feel like the other side of the coin would be easier, it's socially acceptable for a girl to act masculine. :/
First off, men can be feminine. Now, society may pressure you not to be but at the end of the day, you are the only one living your life, and no one can actually control you. Secondly, being a girl is no more fun than being a guy. You have less pressure for stoicism but also less power socially. It's a trade-off, and a ridiculous one at that. However, if you feel that you are a girl, that is a different story altogether. Question: are you a girl or do you wish you were one?
Men can't really be that feminine, especially not at the workplace. If work wasn't really an issue, it would definitely be easier. I wish I could be self employed somehow, that'd be the dream. Male clothing in the workplace is also awful. I really can't work a job where I'd have to wear a suit and tie, I'd go insane. The female clothes in the workplace are definitely better. I don't mind wearing a T shirt and shorts though- it's almost indifferent to me whether I wear that or a sundress. But I couldn't even put a flower in my hair without getting weird looks -_-. I don't know what it's like to have less social power vs less emotional power- I never spent a day in those femme shoes. So I don't know if it would be easy or not. But I do know that as a male, my social power is limited- I can't enjoy living at home or being sweet and soft for long without being viewed as a loser, whereas if I were female I would be viewed as domestic and it would not impact my sex or social life at all. If that's the trade off for making slightly less money and being viewed as more delicate, I'd definitely take it- because to be honest, I don't want all this power and responsibility. Though obviously, I wouldn't want to be female in a culture where I was really stripped of my rights. I think I've always had thoughts about being female at times, but they were far more seldom and practically non existent- it was never an issue in college because I was able to act pretty feminine, and I never had too many social responsibilities. It has definitely gotten worse since then. Though- to answer my question about if I wish I were a girl- sometimes. It's definitely bothersome to have thoughts like that happen nearly every day (even if only when I am horny- I get both horny and envious at the same time) But it doesn't invade me at every single moment I guess. I suppose it's best to say, I feel most "authentic" when I'm feminine and I feel like I'd be doubly happy if I were to have been a female- but do I know for sure? No, I don't.
You know as far as the gender role, sexism is something that has become more real to me, but it affects everyone differently and some of us less than others. My biggest gripe is that the bar gets lowered on everything - along with the respect you get for clearing it :| It's basically just understood by people that you just don't know as much about whatever you are talking about. Which gets old fast. Or worse yet, when people act like you are good at something because you "used to be a guy". I had higher level math professors run circles around me that were cis female and worldwide there is no "math gap" period, but tell that to people. Be prepared to get tons of "help" you don't need. I'm a really independent and ambitious person, I'd like to be a businesswoman some day with my own not-for-profit company. Gender... it can help with that if you are clever, people do respond better to you when you are nice and they don't feel this need to compete, but I'd be lying big time if I said it was easier this way. So yeah, like Gates said, there's trade-offs. A lot of the stuff about being a woman is honestly more stuff I put up with. There are things about it that are genuinely fun. I used to love pencil drawing, and I like making props and that kind of art, and some of that comes out when I'm doing make-up or throwing outfits together. But yeah, I mean, I would not be doing this if it were just me wanting a different role or anything. I mean you knew it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, I definitely don't want to discourage you or cheat you out of anything. And I definitely understand where you are coming from with how inflexible the male role is. Best of luck to you figuring yourself out (*hug*) We're here to help in whatever way we can.
Thanks for the feedback, Just Jess. To be honest, I'm really unsure what to do, what to think, or even what to feel. Would I have been happier as a girl? Well, probably. Do I feel like a girl? Sometimes....not all the time. Would I be happier as a trans girl though? Definitely not quite so sure about that one. Especially considering I don't even know how trans people find work, function, etc. And coming out to my family at this point would just be weird. Regardless of my gender, there are times when I want to cry and hug someone, instead of being assertive. Though, I guess, being male- it's a lot harder to do that socially unless I'm pursuing intimacy with a girl. That overall sums up what makes me feminine, aside from my love of dressing up in skirts, having long hair and looking as pretty as can be. So yeah, any advice would be really appreciated!
Aww thanks! I'll dress in full femme attire whenever I feel like it, but it poses the greater dilemma of not being able to do this whenever I feel like it, and I really don't have the option to experiment right now So yeah, I'm really not sure where I stand on this issue- and how much I'd really want to be a girl. Obviously, I'd want to be one if I had the choice, but you have to MORE than want to be one in order to transition. Should this even be on my mind?
You know what, just worry about being you. I feel like I was way more of a downer than I should have been earlier. Being a woman can be awesome Also: [YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU[/YOUTUBE] You don't have to transition to be you. If you do decide you want to or need to though we'll help in any way we can. I remember how hard it is to find opportunities
Here's the question I asked myself that helped me make up my mind. "If I didn't transition would I be happy with that decision later on in life?" For me it was a huge NO so that kinda helped solidify it for me. That help?
See young Kat, you west coasters are strange. Here in the east Sperry boat shoes are the rage in high school with both boys and girls. Never seen this daisy thing. And to the op. I totally get the workplace. Even though I am protected against discrimination laws there are totally other ways around dismissing a teacher... This is why I'd never transition at work. And I'd have to go all out medically which is not my intention. Had I figured myself out earlier. .. maybe. But not now.
I know, I just struggle to be me all the time and find people who are open to it. My dream would be to at least find a girlfriend who is open to me acting as feminine as I want to around her, and maybe let me be like her twin sister. Hmmm, it's a solid I don't know in my case with a lot of pros and cons. I suppose the fact that there's not an astounding answer means I shouldn't do it, but I'm at least open to the idea. Pros: 1. I'd feel a lot more like me, and can act as sensitive and feminine as I'd want 2. I'd get to wear whatever I want to and feel more free 3. I'd get to be a lesbian, so I'd probably find lesbian girls if they were open to that kind of thing. Cons: 1. I'd most likely alienate myself from family and friends, and lose a lot of support 2. I would have a lot of trouble in the workplace, and in life in general 3. I could never have a wife, and kids So yeah, it's a big toss up, and it's too big a decision. However (in my young 20s), I fear that not transitioning now would make my body more difficult to adjust if I do it later, and also, by the time it actually happens, I'll have missed out on the most fun and girly times of my life, as a young woman. So it's hard to simply put it off, but next to impossible to actually pursue.
Time for my semi-standard advice: try to expirament and see how being a feminine man makes you feel. All those people who dislike it when a guy acts feminine? Screw them. From the sound of what you have typed above, it seems like that would be enough for you. If that's the case, great. Enjoy it. Don't let people's attitudes towards feminine men get to you and just enjoy yourself being you. If you need more help figuring things out I do urge you to make further use of EC in the future. In the meantime I wish you luck.
Thank you- you're right. I don't really know how to crossdress in flowery skirts and sundresses and such while I'm living at home unemployed though, nor is it accepted in the workplace -_-. And I don't feel comfortable walking down the streets in such clothing. I may be able to grow my hair out again though, but it's annoying to be discriminated even against that. My only hope right now is finding a girlfriend who likes trying on clothing with me- which is no easy feat, sadly. :/ Maybe in the future, I can move out and wear this stuff at home. Being self employed somehow would be the true dream. (And to be honest, it would be a lifestyle I would want even if I didn't have a little gender dysphoria)
