Eating disorders and gender/sexuality expression

When I was 9, I became anorexic because I went through puberty and felt obligated to become a girl and like guys; my weight was the only thing that I felt power over. I passed out in my 4th grade class after about 6 months; this was when my mother found out but we hid it from most of the family. I still have body image issues but am no longer unhealthy.

 

Yeah. Gotta say, I know a lot of trans guys who had eating disorders.

I myself? Opposite problem. I was kind of a food addict (still am). Stress ate, sometimes would resort to eating sugar out of the jar with a spoon if I didn't get my fix. I dunno. Kinda felt like I was filling a void. I wasn't excessively overweight (at my heaviest, I was about 220 but I've been fat since childhood) but I've never been thin either. My body didn't feel like mine so why give a shit about it?

 

My gender has always fluctuated, but I've seldom had an opportunity to explore my female side to any considerable extent until the last year or so. Now that I've "let the kitty out of the bag", it's possible I'm developing a bit of an eating disorder. It's like right now I can't be thin enough. I'm starting to really dread eating. (On my days off, I typically only eat two very small meals a day with no snacking.) For several months, I had a goal of getting down to a 28" waist and I thought that would satisfy me. Well, I met that goal last week and quickly began to consider shooting for 27". Last night I not only slept with my corset on as I usually do, but also several canvas belts looped together underneath and buckled extremely tightly around my belly. I still have them on as I type this and keep intending to purchase a tighter corset with stronger boning. (Although spending my money on certain "bigger" purchases right now.) I just feel like I need to be able to have that tiny waist so that I can wear and pull off the adorable outfits I posted in the Female Clothing thread, but I know I'm not there yet. Some people in my life are starting to express concerns, yet I feel like I have things under control.

So, don't know what all this post means. But I'm too self-aware to not have some inkling that maybe, perhaps I'm not pursuing the most healthy path at the moment. But darned if I don't love having a tiny waist. (If only the spare-tire fat would push down into my hips and butt. No padding there, lol.)

 

Why are you wearing a corset to sleep in!? That isn't healthy! Off with it!!

And btw, I have a 27-28 in. waist and can fit in women's 0-4 depending on brand/ cut (flat out can't fit in shirts bc of my shoulders :lol but yeah; I wouldn't worry about it too much or do anything unhealthy. You can lose weight and still be healthy and reasonable about it. I plan to lose ~8 lbs to get back to 110 but that's bc I do get crazy otherwise. Make sure to keep track of your BMI and not slip below where you should be

 

Well, but so far, it's done a wonderful job of shaping my torso. I'm pretty close to what you might call a "shallow hourglass" shape in my midsection now and I couldn't be happier about it. I haven't noticed any musculoskeletal pains or gastrointestinal disturbances from the constant corset-wearing, so don't think it's been detrimental to my health.

Here's a woman whom follows a much more extreme corset training regimen than I do and it doesn't seem to have affected her adversely:

Wearing Corsets Every Day - Sarah Chrisman - YouBeauty.com

Your concern is always appreciated, though. Ever the gentleman. FWIW, still several pounds off from being considered underweight on the BMI index, so I guess I'm good.

/offtopic queen

 

-.-

 

Yeah it's no secret here I used to have an eating disorder. Still having issues but now I know it's dysphoria that is the cause of it. Not wanting to look like a supermodel. I have always been at war with my body in one way or another since puberty before I even figured I was trans

 

[Disclaimer]
I have never had it that bad, and for starters I have Asperger's which gives me an obsessive streak in almost everything I do, so here's what I did.

For three weeks in January I ate under 1000 kcals per day just to see if I could do it and stay alive. I wanted to see how fast I would lose weight, but it really was pointless since I have only recently got out of the underweight category.
I lost around 2 kilograms and my folks started to get concerned, because I would binge on one meal and skip two or even three. Sometimes I ate regularly but only had salad/greens without dressing. My mood became shitty, and the dysphoria actually worsened.
And one day I was at the lab, mixing up something for the PCR when I actually felt really cold and started shivering like crazy. That's when I decided that this mustn't go on. Lucky I caught that early.

 

Hmmm, I experience behavior similar to some of this, especially the bolded portions. (My overall mood has actually improved since indulging myself in this, though.) I often think of my "self-proving" behavior is simply my way of testing my own deeply-cherished, personal ethics and principles and the act of carrying it out constitutes a process of "purification".

I'm admittedly a bit OCD, but I've always denied the question of having Aspergers or some other form of autism. Hmmm, dunno.

 

Yeah. I went on a weightloss regimine and it was my goal for my net caloric intake to be less than a thousand calories. Now, mind, I was subtracting exercise so I wasn't eating under a thousand... I mean, most days. Sometimes I'd be thrilled if I could actually pull it off.

Spoiler alert, I gained almost all the weight back. Once I began eating normally (though will admit I kinda went nuts on the portions and started snacking again) and combine that with no longer being able to go to the gym... Yeah.

I sometimes binge eat when I'm dysphoric or depressed. Which really works against me because obviously, all that fat's going to female distribution, you know? Which makes me even more dysphoric and...yeah, kinda a vicious cycle.

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Maelstrom- seriously though, take it off at night. I mean, temptation's there (if I were to bind constantly, for instance, I know it'd break down the tissues even more and make my chest a little flatter) but better to have an intact back and ribs, eh?

 

Your net caloric intake should never be under 1200 calories unless you are under the standard adult height limit. This puts your body in starvation mode and while you will lose weight, you are not losing fat but rather, muscle. This may result in a lot of negative health situations, including an increased risk for developing Type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and heart disease.

 

I mean, I lost a lot of fat too but I remember always feeling hungry and it kinda put me on edge. I was eating loads of salads with just vinegar, and that usually only cost me about 15 calories per meal.

So yeah, I went nuts after I stopped the diet, lol. First time I ate a hamburger and let myself have cheese and condiments I was like "fuck, this is delicious."

 

I suffered for anorexia at the age of 5 because of the ADHD.

 

(*hug*)

 

Can't say I have. I tend to eat less than I should, but that's more down to not being able to afford food.

 

I became borderline anorexic after I came out to myself as a lesbian, which was about 1 1/2 years ago. I was already very conscious about my weight, but finding out that I was gay made it a lot worse.

I thought to myself, "No! I can't be fat and ugly like all those dykes!! Rush Limbaugh said that all lesbians are fat fucks!! I CANNOT be like that!!!"

Whenever I saw an adult women who was skinnier than me, I thought, "That's because she's straight. I'm sure she doesn't have to worry about her weight at all!"

If anyone is curious, I'm 5'8" (possibly 5'9", I haven't measured myself in awhile) and I weigh about 122lb. I want my weight to go down to 110lb, or at least 115lb. The last time I measured my waist (about 8 months ago), it was about 28 3/4 in. I'm extremely self conscious about my flabby bichep area, which is about 11". Again, all of this info was taken awhile ago, so I'm probably a little smaller now.

My mom once told me that my weight doesn't matter because I like girls, so she obviously doesn't care too much.

Oh, and I have bipolar disorder and some mild OCD, if that means anything.

 

A good dish is Adas Polo:
- Long grain rice
- Green lentils
- Onion (chopped)
- Ground meat (cook first w/ seasoning and garlic; then simmer with cooked rice and lentils for 30-60 min)
- Salt, pepper, tumeric (optional), paprika or cayenne (tiny bit)

It's cheap, healthy, and makes enough for probably 4-5 meals in a typical saucepan

---------- Post added 27th Apr 2014 at 12:35 PM ----------

At 5'8", you should not weight below 120 and would be better off at 130.

 

My financial situation should be a little better now, so I might give that a go!
But I was literally living on £0 a week! Haha.