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FtM feminine guys.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PossibleDesires, Apr 27, 2014.

  1. PossibleDesires

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    Okay so some time ago I have had the worst experience so far. I've been out with some friends and they invited another ftm transgender with us. Everything was good until we actually met. Because I enjoy wearing make-up sometimes (I wore it today) and I am quite feminine, he refused to call me by the male pronouns-and that came from him who is an ftm as well. I am 100% sure and spend two years finding out who I am; have been identifying as male for the past year or so as well.
    Cis-males wear make-up, so does bisexual men, gay men etc. So why the hell would me wearing make-up make me less of a man than him, or any other man..just because I am transgender and I do not act like I need to pass and I am quite in touch with my feminine side and masculine side? It seriously made me feel like shit with the things he said and him being disrespectful.

    Has any other ftm's been in a similar situation?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Not FtM so I can't relate to exactly what you've said, but I can the other way around!

    WHen I went to get my referral to the gender clinic the psychologist seemed pretty sure I ought to be wearing make-up...
     
  3. PossibleDesires

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    Yeah, when new people see me they're like ''Guys aren't supposed to wear make-up'' And some even ask me if I'm gay or not because I am effeminate, haha.
     
  4. ThisIsTheKenneth

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    Wow he sounds like an ass I wouldn't let him bother you. I've had the same thing said about my nails being painted and I find that if you ignore them/refuse to respond to incorrect pronouns they'll get over themselves soon enough.
     
  5. Gates

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    Pay no attention to these kinds of people. They are just insecure in themselves.
     
  6. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yeah, I mean look to your left here. :wink: I don't care what anyone says, I'm gonna wear a scarf when I'm out and about.

    Look. You do what makes you happy, okay man? Doesn't make you any less of a man and you shouldn't feel like you gotta be Grizzly Adams to be real, you know?
     
  7. Sarcastic Luck

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    Me, personally? I can't stand makeup. It doesn't look right on me, in my eyes.

    You wanna wear makeup? Have at it. What someone else does or doesn't do isn't going to really affect me.
     
  8. Best of Both

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    I'm bi and I wear make up and I don't really care what people think or say about me : )
     
  9. KyleCats

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    I was thinking about this the other night, even wrote a blog post about it. It obviously comes from societies insistence on saying you should be this and should not be that. Let me fit you into a box *cram, cram, cram*

    All of which is bull.

    There is a bit of a paradox though, isn't there? We want to "fit in" (and this can be for anyone, not just trans individuals) and yet be ourselves, and seek recognition from others by being ourselves. So what happens when we are still pushed aside in favor of a neat box when we are, in fact, being true to who we really are? It can really screw with you.

    It's not our problem, however. If you want to wear make-up and paint your nails (I like to keep mine medium-long, not sure I could cut them to "man size") or whatever. So be it and to hell with anyone who takes issue with it. Besides, if someone is only accepting of you because you for the moment fit in a box, do they really accept you at all?
     
  10. Acm

    Acm Guest

    It's really unfair how cis people can bend gender roles as much as they want but trans people have to conform to stereotypes :icon_sad:
     
  11. Minnie

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    I've a MtF friend who's complained of that when seeing therapists... and their friends have said the same thing! Ridiculous.
     
  12. wolfxinxchains

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    I'm goth/emo and I'm increibly sad because I can't get away with makeup and probably never unless I've been like a year on T. My Aunt who is even really excepting keeps saying "There is no definition on being female." Like she's trying to make me not be male. But I keep trying to say: I feel I'm in the wrong body, and I'm not even comfortable with these two buldges on my chest...
     
  13. Daydreamer1

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    I don't care for makeup on myself. I'm far too lazy to bother. If you want to go with it, do so! Don't let people dictate how you're supposed to look because of your gender. My fiance is a makeup artist and he can rock a smokey eye like a boss.

    Try not to let people get you down. Gender isn't binary or a box and it's a load of crap that it's 2014 and gender roles are still being forced on people.
     
  14. Manta

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    I think everything's been said already, but just know that you were in no way in the wrong. I'm sorry it turned out that way how did your other friends react?
     
  15. Calix

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    I'm shocked another FtM would act this way. I'm sorry that happened to you. Wear make-up if you want to. It's your body. Personally, I still like to wear eyeliner occasionally xD
     
  16. Oddish

    Oddish Guest

    Ah, yes. I've dealt with this from other trans guys, even at the 'support' group I happen to attend. Contradictory, isn't it, that a cis guy can dress as feminine as he'd like, or present however, and not have his gender invalidated? Just the other week, all because I decided to dye my hair an unnatural colour again, I had some guy ask me why I "wasn't concerned with passing" which led into a gender policing game, asking why I'd bother transitioning if I were to continue acting so feminine....

    Frankly who gives a fuck. It's nice to see people who are comfortable enough to present themselves however they like. Live and let live.
     
  17. PossibleDesires

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    @Manta
    Well my best friend was on the verge of ripping that guys throat apart, haha, but that's because I've been through a lot of crap about people telling me hurtful things when it comes to my gender and such and she hates it when I just take it like it's nothing. My other friends tried to not get into it too much but they did explain certain things to him and told him to leave if he will act like this. :lol:
     
  18. justjade

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    This hasn't happened to me, but I can tell you that this guy's a douche. The end. There are some trans elitists out there. I've heard the trans community on Youtube is very judgmental. Basically, if you're not super-manly and didn't come out when you were a toddler, have long hair, wear jewelry, all that, you're not trans to them. They're just dicks. Don't listen to them.

    I hate makeup, personally, but if you like it, you are definitely allowed to wear it. I've seen straight cis-males wear eyeliner. Not a big deal in my opinion. I'm pretty feminine, but in different ways. I'm not really concerned with passing either. Yeah, I hate being misgendered, but it's not the end of the world because I have people who take me seriously as a man. As long as you have people like that, you're fine. You can be whoever you are, as long as you don't stoop to the level of unsolicited gender policing. Bullying is not something real men do.
     
  19. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    I'm a FtM metrosexual and I don't give a fuck!!! :lol:


    ^This. They are obsessed by "not being manly enough" :dry:

    I'm more manly with eyeliner inside the eyes....
     
  20. Caillin

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    He sounds like a class act douche. Sorry to hear that though I hate it when people policy other peoples gender like that.