An open apology to the non-binary community,

...if you're talking about that cup thing.... I'd actually like to admit it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be... And it's a hell of a lot better than having to buy the, um, sheep on a string.

Thanks for your apology and your support. Believe me. Our allies are appreciated. (*hug*)

 

Yeah. I got to the point where I was like "Okay, I can either trudge over to the store, buy those fucking things every other month and deal with the following awkward scenarios that follow when I buy them and keep them at home or I can blow 30 bucks now and never have to do that again." It's really no worse, for me, than having to deal with that. And significantly cleaner...

 

Hi there,

You seem like a really genuinely nice person. I feel really bad about stuff I say online sometimes too. I know I'm binary and can't really speak for all the GQ people, but most of the ones I know aren't so quick to attack. Just, we are a diverse community. I mean being any kind of queer cuts across all lines. So with that in mind, I would like to ask two things.

E. Oh geeze I wrote a book at you, sorry

First please cut yourself some slack? I think we can both agree that if anyone is scared to share their own experiences, or feels like they are walking on eggshells, that's not a good place for any of us to be. I know this is a tall order, because some of us trying to make sense of ourselves, we have a lot of pain. From our point of view, we will deal with one person giving us everything they ever thought about gender, and... I don't wanna list it all out, I could be all day But yeah, we will deal with a bunch of stuff since this is an "always on" part of us, and then someone like you, more or less completely innocent, will come up, and it will sound a lot like something else we heard a bunch of times today, and it will be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Please understand that is the exception. We're way more reasonable people than that 90% of the time. And when there aren't, just like you, there are probably reasons that you can't see. So yeah, thing 1, please don't walk on eggshells. You're already respectful and polite, you are willing to admit when you are wrong, that is all anyone can ask of anyone.

So the other thing I would like to ask, is to just not take any experience with one trans or GQ person to represent all of us. It is crazy frustrating, trying to figure out what is OK and what isn't, because the truth is every single one of us has our own experiences and our own rules. We have our own straws that break our backs. We all come into all this from the outside. Starting out as cis straight people, just like you, just as confused and overwhelmed. Some of this stuff still doesn't make sense to me and I've been transitioning for a while! There are years of politics and history that shaped everything about being trans. And like 90% of the people talking don't have the time or inclination to learn it. They shouldn't really be expected to. I mean gender studies and politics are college courses! People get degrees learning about this stuff.

So you are right. People on both sides of the aisle need to be more patient, and reach across, and be on the same side. I try really hard to do that, and don't always. I would really like to ask you to continue doing the same thing. Even if whoever you are talking to is not. Especially then, since they'll learn they don't have to fight fire with fire that way.

As far as what 'yall are talking about, in some ways the fact that I won't ever have one of those kind of disappoints me. I mean... it is kind of the silver lining coming from my direction that I don't have to put up with it, I have donated blood before and had really really bad cramps and can kind of extrapolate in my mind, but other things about it like the natural hormonal cycle vs my basically treating myself like I'm going through menopause early... and I guess some of it is how pre-teen girls must feel before they get that little rite of passage. But it definitely doesn't bother me any more. And it is definitely something you should feel comfortable talking about in front of trans people.

And if I'm right about what it was, and someone coming from your starting point just did not want to deal with a painful reminder right then, really just please try to be patient with people when stuff like this happens. I think you will find that if someone hears something like that and lashes out, and you reply with "sorry, just wanted to put some info out there", the other person will 9 times out of 10 back off. It's way hard to keep going with someone that isn't fighting back.

 

The cup thread was less to do with dysphoria and more to do with inaccuracy of information. But as Just Jess has stated cut yourself some slack. Sides a bunch of people did learn about cups, and heck you didn't hurt anyone by mentioning it. If the thread was a room of 10 people 5 were helped and 5 just stayed where they were. So look at it that way. Also, if your friends in real life don't get the whole "i need time to learn pronouns" you need to think about how good of friends they are.

 

This so much. It was the misinformation and blatant scaremongering that peeved me off.

 

I don't think just suggesting the menstrual cups was a bad thing. But I understand where some of the dysphoric comments were coming from. Hell, I'm a cis-woman and it would even make ME feel that way (not for the same reasons obviously) because I despise having anything up there. I don't have periods anymore now that I'm on depo, but I always thought the pads were the most comfortable (even emotionally) because they were hard to notice and I didn't really "feel" anything up there.

I don't think suggesting it was the offensive thing, but the vibe that they came off as superior choices to tampons or pads maybe? I can't speak for any trans guys though.

 

Well, I mean... Sure. But might help to ask why it may have, just maybe came across as offensive? I mean, I stopped following thread after a while so I don't really know what went on. But I dunno. I mean, you didn't intend to offend anyone but never hurts to learn, you know?

 

Well, I have no idea what you said, but you seem to be a genuinely nice and caring person! And if it was as bad as you've made it out to be, don't worry about it, people mess up.

Also, from the tone of the thread, doesn't seem like any kind of personal attack, which is good.

Also, with regards to S, try just being honest with them. Tell them you don't know, but you're there for them if they need you, they might just open up to you.