I am a bigender/genderfluid person according to the latest analysis (more to come), with no discernible pattern or logic to my gender fluctuations. (Which really seems to be the essence of genderfluidity.) Most of the time, I feel like and am satisfied with being male. As such, my current age, 37, never seems to bother me much when it occurs to me to even think about it. However, when I am swinging toward the female side of the spectrum (such as recently), I tend to worry a great deal about my age. Although most people I meet initially mistake me for mid- or late-twenties, they don't see the things I do when I am up close to my mirror. Showing premature gray is considered NBFD for a guy, but for a girl it is anathema. So when they see my premature gray and still accept me for a late-twenties guy, I know they'd have an entirely different opinion were they to see me as a girl. They'd no doubt consider me over the hill or some such. And this worries me. I'm in the process of certain things in fuller exploration of my female side (such as acquiring a wig) in order to determine if I am, in fact, full-out trans. The possibility that I am really scares me, for reasons I'd rather not digress on at length in this post (nor think about, for that matter). However, one anxiety rather close to the surface is my age. I absolutely, genuinely do not want to transition into some middle-aged lady, with the requisite baggage that that entails. However, I'm worried that if I choose to adopt the style that I prefer (see the Female Clothing thread), I'm going to seem and look ridiculous for dressing "too young" and not be able to pull it off. I never got the chance to enjoy a girlhood or young adult womanhood that I often wish I had. The girl within me still feels about that age and desires to express herself that way. I see so many of the girls at this forum barely out of their teens, if that, and I can't help feeling envious. They have their whole womanhood in front of them to enjoy. Am I being ridiculous for obsessing too much over my age when I am feeling female? (I am also starting to load up on "product" like moisturizers and cleansers in an attempt to look younger.) Or am I full-out conked?
Look I'm starting to freak out about wrinkles and just bought a shit ton of neutrogena skin cream. And you have NO IDEA about my actual hair... So, this is why I stress so much about my ability to pass while I still have it.
Way ahead of you there. (Lovely crows feet and such.) Although I don't care for Neutrogena products, I prefer Aveeno. So you can definitely relate. Was not my intention to make you (or anyone here) feel bad by posting this. But I cannot deny that it is a genuine anxiety of mine. Worse at some times than others, and seems to really be at the forefront of my mind today.
I have seen several transitioners a good decade older than me that were lovely when the dust settled. It's genetics and how you take care of yourself. You would be amazed at the number of attractive hollywood actresses playing 20-somethings that are well into their 40s.
This is true. If I'm not mistaken (don't really follow celebrities too much, lol), Sandra Bullock's now in her 50's, but she was looking pretty good in those trailers for Gravity. I maybe worry too much. Above all, if I do end up deciding that transitioning is for me or is even on the table, for that matter (hopefully, I should know more soon), I just want to be able to be the person I want to be, as much as possible. I already have too many regrets, I don't want to regret not transitioning sooner, if that turns out to be a thing for me. Appreciate your reassurance.
^ You are so right with this. Unfortunately, I slip into neglecting my body's hydration needs. I've had more beer than water this weekend, ugh.
I realized how shitty I looked on Thursday and Friday (I actually came out around 11:45 that Thursday... And yea I was drinking... Heavily). I don't look so bad right now from rehydrating.