Gender/Shopping Anxiety

I'm thinking that maybe some of the people who questioned you could sense your insecurity so they assumed you didn't know what you were doing. But otherwise, it's not weird for women to shop in the guy's section. Just think to yourself: what's the worst that could happen, anyway? There's not much more anyone's going to do but question you.

You could definitely try going to the bigger department stores when it's busier to get used to it. If you want to, maybe even bring some friends along. That would lessen the anxiety of shopping alone.

Props to you for trying it out. That takes nerve. Everyone gets anxiety when going against the "norm"- I'm sure you'll get used to it eventually. Good luck!

 

well, im a little different :icon_wink i went into a charity shop in the city and bought a bunch of ladies clothes and then went to a larger store and bought ladies under garments. bear with me, the thing is im a guy (most of the time i guess LOL) but i just said to myself go in like you own the place, and i guess that's my advise to you shop like you own the place, like you belong in what ever section you happen to be in. and if that isn't possible right now go into the larger store and lie, say its a gift, try it on at home and if it doesn't fit just return it the next time your in the store. i bet no one even bats an eye either way.

hope this helps.

 

Let me tell you what I did when I first started shopping in men's.

Walked in with my tail between my legs.

No, really. I went in, timidly poked around the clearance rack. Got a couple shirts, ran. And they stayed in the back of my closet for months until I went again to, slightly less timidly, pick up another couple shirts.

What I figured was, these were clothes I needed. I'd feel, especially as someone male identified, I'd be way more comfortable in them and if I was gonna have any hope of one day being myself, I needed my wardrobe to reflect that.

You feel more comfortable in those clothes. You want them. So go get them. You're there to take advantage of the wares the store's offering and as a customer, you've got a right to the rack as much as anyone shopping there.

Reflect that. Just go in, get what you like, and try them on like anyone else.

And I've found, that as a transguy just starting out, the "it's for my boyfriend" is a brilliant excuse. My 'boyfriend' just happens to be a dashing fellow with a fondness for scarves and the same exact, would you believe it, clothing size as me.

 

The way I see it: the cloth thing is a men's cloth thing if a guy is wearing it. The cloth thing is a women's cloth thing if a girl is in it. Simple. Don't be afraid to shop in other sections- I go to the boys section (5' and 120 lbs) ALL THE TIME. Just strut your lesbian way into the section and say, "Fuck it, I'm gonna wear what I want to wear". That's what I do, anyways

 

This actually is beneficial for my situation. I just came out as trans (MtF) and I have yet to go shopping. I'm nervous as hell about it.

 

lookingforme is right on the money.

I had the hardest most embarrassing time trying to buy guy's jeans. I didn't know what I was doing and my hips are like boom just super wide and hard to measure properly and figure out the right cut so that I don't look like MC Hammer when I put the pants on.... :roflmao:

but anyway, it all got better when I just pretended to myself that it wasn't a big deal. Anyone who asked me if I need help, I just said "no, I'm okay thanks" smiled and moved away. Odds are I'll never even see that person again and they'll forget me in like two seconds flat.
When I needed to try something on, I smoothed out my face so that I didn't look awkward and just did it. And then the next time I felt less weird. And the next time was even better. And now I walk into any store at any time and just buy whatever I want because I've done it before and nothing bad happened. (*hug*)

 

Dear friends of llama,

The rules of shopping are thus:

1: You are there to spend money for a service
2: It is the store's job to provide you with that service
3: Most of them do not care anything about you except how much they can get you to spend
4: You have every right to this service - you are NO different than any other customer
5: If they offend you, complain to a manager immediately
6: Other customers are like ants, don't step on them but don't let them bit you, either
7: Your money, time, and comfort are valuable - do not waste them on those who mistreat you
8: If you give off the air of being confident, people will be helpful and courteous (but this doesn't mean to be arrogant or bossy :icon_wink)
9: Shopping is war. Go forth and conquer!

 

I'm the same way, yearout! I'm transmasculine, but I have yet to be confident enough to get the clothes I actually want to wear. I have three or four random items of men's clothes, but most of them are women's. I desperately want to buy more men's clothes, but I'm like you, in that I don't like buying clothes online but I'm too scared to go buy them in public. I tried last week at the mall. I even dragged my boyfriend into the store with me, but I got scared and dragged him back out. I was too embarrassed to actually look at the guy's clothes, let alone try any on or buy any. I used to not care what others thought of me, but now with this, I'm frightened that they'll see me in the guy's section and be like "what is she doing? she doesn't belong in that section..." Plus it doesn't help that I'm so short (5'0), that it's going to be a hell of a time to find guy's pants that fit me in the waist and aren't too long in the legs. So you're not alone.

 

I love to crossdress sometimes and I used to be nervous about going into women's shops but I slowly picked up conference to do so. Most sales assistants are more interested in making a sale and they are used to anything. Trust me I work as a volunteer in a charity shop I'm so used to people of all different backgrounds I can accept anyone. I have found it can be betterto go when it's busy because you just blend in to the back ground. Hopefully you will get used to it. If you need to talk I'm in later. :-D

 

The only problem I have with shopping in the men's section is my mother.

 

As a number of people here have already said, one big key is to project confidence, even if you don't feel it at first. You do belong there, so act like it and by and large people in stores (especially sales people) will treat you that way. As someone with a male body who has been shopping for women's clothes for about 25 years I can tell you that it is getting a lot better - particularly over the last five or so. I think as more and more of us go out there and shop for the clothes we want regardless of what department they are in, the less the other people we encounter care or notice.

One thing that may help you feel more comfortable, is to go in with a specific question for prepared for when someone asks if they can help you. Something about a type of fit or size or style - it doesn't really matter that much. I'm not sure what the psychology of it is, but I think when you ask that sort of question, you signal to them that you are a serious shopper and that you expect to be treated like one - plus there is the bonus that they may actually be able to help you find something you never would have seen without their help. Additionally, I think some people might find having something to say prepared ahead of time helps with their nerves regardless of its effect on the sales person.

I have encountered many very nice sales people who, while they may have been slightly uncomfortable at first, have ended up spending lots of time happily racking their brains, quizzing their co-workers, and ransacking racks to find me just what I was looking for. That can actually be a lot of fun.

 

Having just last year quit my side job in retail at Macy's (I worked in cosmetics) here is my two cents.

Just be nice to the sales associates and were thrilled to have a nice customer! So many are rude, condescending, and mean. In our department alone, we had effeminate gay males, masculine straight women, me (the feminine lesbian), and femme straight women. One guy in our department did drag for a side job; he was cool as can be and now a national brand makeup artist.

If you want to buy men's clothes for yourself, any sales associate at our store in Michigan wouldn't blink an eye. There's associates on staff that even have your style, and can help you not just find what you like this trip but if you want to become their client(free), they'll help tell you about sales and when stuff you might like is available!

Rock your style! We're just here to help you get the pieces.

 

The advice above is awesome and I can't really add much more to it.

T-Shirts, polo shirts, sweaters, vests, hoodies, sweat pants, and shoes are the easiest to buy, they don't look too much different and people generally buy them because they like them and tend to ignore gender norms. My brother (a straight male) and I have been trading clothing and shoes for years just because we like each other's clothing better sometimes, either for comfortability, style, fit or just because our clothing has gotten mixed up again and we are too lazy to resort our clothing. No one has judged either of us yet. We will both occasionally go shopping and if asked just shrug and say something along the lines of "i have a brother" / "i have a sister", "it's comfy", "well it fits, so i'm going to buy it", "i like the color", or my favorite, "jack sparrow is awesome, so i'm buying this shirt".

Anyway, advice.

I highly recommend clothing with adjustable waist band. It means you can buy a size larger in order to fit well, but can cinch the waist tighter so that it fits that way too without having to go to ridiculous lengths with a belt.
I hope that helps

 

I just think to myself, there's no need to feel awkward about this, I shop for what I want!, and I guess this channels as confidence to my appearance. I've never been asked if I want to go to the girls' section. Just look like you know what you like and won't take otherwise!