I apologise in advance for the long rant :/ So despite ongoing horrible body dysphoria every weekend/evening/anytime I'm alone, I've been smiling and keeping my head up and generally refusing to let myself get down. But today I call the gender identity clinic to get an idea of when my appointment would be. When I first learned where it was, i checked the site and saw it was 6 month waiting list. At first this upset, but I figured it was understandable. But when I called today they told that actually, the waiting list was 12 months. I already feel like I'm barely hanging on and hearing that it'll take me a year to see someone and then after that get put on hormones is too fucking much. I tried to tell my mum, she just shrugged and said 'that's just the way it is'. As always my mum has zero empathy, and I'm pretty sure my parents are secretly glad, thinking that in that time I might change my mind. My best friend didn't understand why it bothered me and simply said "You've managed holding up so far, what's a few more months?" I'm starting to realise just how little everyone in my life understands what I'm experiencing. And my attempts to explain dysphoria thus far haven't made any difference. It doesn't help when people say things like "you're fine as you are though." In most cases I know this is a genuine effort to make me feel better until hormones, but it doesn't make any difference. Why would comments like this help when I feel zero association to this body of mine? And to top it off my other best friend doesn't believe I'm trans and thinks that I'm just confused about my sexuality and jumping to an extreme conclusion *sigh* I have a GP appointment in 5 weeks time, it was the earliest I could get. I'm going to beg him to put me on a small dose of hormones sooner, which I know in theory he can do. Whether he actually does I don't know. But if he says no, I'm going to have to ask for anti-depressants or something, cause there's no way I'll get through a year feeling this way everyday.
I'm not sure how things work in the UK but I am always up for learning more. Even if it would be some travel - and I know that is hard to come by without supportive parents - is there anything preventing you from visiting another clinic? Or is this an NHS-wide kind of thing? Just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. I had to wait a whole year after coming out too, and it was not fun at all Worst comes to worst though you CAN get through this. A lot of us have.
I can ask to be referred to another Clinic. Travel isn't an issue, I have a decent job and afford the train travel. But the one they referred too deals with special cases where there's psychological trauma in the persons past, so I think they want me seen there. :/
