So last Friday I told my mom that I think I may be trans. I made a thread in detail about it in the other forum. But ever since we had that conversation I just haven't been feeling the same. Like before I was pretty confident that I wanted to be a woman, but now I'm kinda in limbo about it. I'm starting to question whether this is really what I want. I don't know anymore. I'm not sure if this is just a phase, or if it's because I've just always despised masculinity and want to have nothing to do with it, or because I have shitty self esteem issues or what. My mom said that it may be just because I'm hard on myself, and that maybe I just subconsciously see myself as a failure as a man because I've always been a super loser when it comes to dating, and that my mind is just deciding that it'd rather just be a woman than a shitty man. I've also started feeling a lot more lonely than usual lately. Like, my roommate had some friends over who were girls and we were just making small talk and it occurred to me that this is how regular men meet dates (not that I was interested in dating them, it was just the thought). But I was just realizing more and more that coming out, or presenting as a girl, or even just thinking I may be trans is going to make it soooooooo much harder for me to ever find any kind of companion now or in the future. Straight girls are going to want someone who considers themself a man, and lesbians aren't going to want to date some nasty dude, regardless of how feminine I'd like to think I am. I think really discussing it with my mom made me realize that this isn't just some fantasy world I can pretend to be in, this is a big deal with big implications that's going to affect every aspect of my life, and probably in less than positive ways. It's this kind of shit that's been keeping me up at night.
I'm stuck in the same state of mind right now, having only just come out last week. I don't have much advice to give, just wanted to wish you luck in figuring things out.(*hug*)
Even though I'm not trans I had a similar experience when I tried to come out as gay. I know it sucks when people don't take you seriously.
Just clear something up for me here. You told your mum. She told you 'You probably just think that because you're a shitty guy. A complete failure as a man...couldn't even be a BAD man, so you've just given up and decided to be a woman instead'. Now you feel bad. I can't imagine why that would have made you feel bad... I'm not going to try and convince you one way or the other. It makes no difference to me if you live as a guy, a girl, one of the many other genders or agender or anything else. None. All I'm going to say is that people will come up with a million reasons you can't be something or can't do something based on how THEY feel about it. I've yet to meet a person who came up with a reason based on how I felt about it. Forget your mum and her opinions. How do YOU feel about it?
Hey. It's ok. You have doubts. So do we all. Your mom said some really hurtful things to you and hearing those things inflamed your doubts and made you feel insecure. But that doesn't mean you aren't a woman. Accept that your mom said horrible things and move on. Do you have friends who you can be open with about your gender troubles? If so, talk to them. It may make you feel better to have people who will recognize you for the gender questioning awesome person you are. What your mom thinks about your gender doesn't matter. If you want to be a woman, you're a woman.
It's perfectly OK and natural to have doubts - there is nothing that says you have to figure it all out right now and then commit to whatever you decide for the rest of your life. :icon_bigg Try not to be so hard on yourself! Give yourself all the time you need to work through these things at whatever pace it takes. There are lots of us here who are way older who don't have it figured out yet either! (*hug*)
So I realized that I worded it so that my mom sounded like an asshole. She wasn't telling me I'm a shitty man, it's just that I've always had really bad self-esteem and have rarely ever been able to get dates, and she thinks that my mind is taking the poor self esteem and bad experiences and telling itself that it'd make a better woman than a man. She doesn't actually think I'm a failure as a male, she actually tells me a lot that she thinks I'm handsome and could easily attract girls (though she's probably just saying that because she's my mom).
