I'm getting sick of being socially isolated and there's this group of guys in my class that I'd really like to be accepted into. Unfortunately, I'm still presenting as a girl which makes this a lot harder to do without them thinking I'm flirting with them. Any pointers?
Well, that's tough. The easiest thing to do would be to come out to them and then just be one of the guys. But if you think that they won't be amenable to that, then the next best option is to, you know, just act like one of the guys. Hang out with them, try to be funny and interesting, and just be actively unflirty. What I mean is, don't distinguish any one of them in particular, so that they won't think you have a crush. And don't do the girly giggly flirty crush stuff. (Sorry that's a kind of inarticulate way of putting it but you know what I mean). Act like a butch girl who doesn't give a crap about them romantically. It might not hurt to make up a boyfriend at another school. Sorry, that's the best I've got.
I've actually been having issues with this, too. Only the guys I'm out to really take me seriously is the only problem. There are some guys who say I'm cool as hell that I'm not out to, but they're also kind of hitting on me, so..... So basically, yeah, just be yourself. I mean, try to relate to them, but don't try too hard. Example: I used to talk like I knew a ton of shit about cars (which I don't) because the guys I hung out with were car guys. I did, that is, until someone caught me on the fact that I didn't know what sound the engine in a car with a manual transmission makes when it's time to switch gears. I know now, but I didn't then. But really, you can just go up and talk to them. It's easy to be pigeonholed as that "one girl in a group of guys", so just don't act girly. That should keep the record straight. In my experience, being able to take a joke at your own expense is a must since, if and when you get in good with them, they're sure to crack on you from time to time. Basically, don't laugh at everything they say. Be cool. Be yourself. You'll be fine. Even before I came out, before I even realized I was trans, I hung with guys all the time.
I have issues with being around other boys, especially in a large group Nyu~ I'm Androphobic to a point, though not to the extreme, so I think that's why I have trouble with boys Nyu~
Sorry for bringing this thread back so late. I get distracted. This is good advice. I'm working on it, trying to find the right opportunities to worm my way into the group. One of them has taken a few opportunities to chat with me, and it doesn't seem to be in a flirting way, so we'll see how this goes.
1) Since you like guys, would it be that bad if there was flirting involved? If you don't find any of them attractive, then, I guess it would be... 2) Just talk to them about the class or something relevant to your current environment but don't seem desperate.
Unless it's very subtle, it sounds like a bad idea, at least until they've already got the impression that (with most of them) I'm not considering anything more than just being buds. I've been uncomfortable with casual flirting lately anyways because it just makes me more aware of the gender I'm still presenting as.